Do I want to marry him?
He lives in London – too far
Stepping back and scanning down the columns, I sighed. Pretty much every ‘for’ had a corresponding entry in the ‘against’ column including something neither of us had mentioned until now: location. I had a six-days-a-week job in North Yorkshire. He had ademanding career in London with regular trips abroad. How on earth would that work?
I clicked the pen again and scribbled on another pink Post-it and stuck it at the bottom of the ‘against’ column.
He’s not Nick
I couldn’t take my eyes off the two last entries in each column.He’s called Steven but he’s not Nick.I sat down on the edge of the spare bed.He’s not Nick.
My mobile phone beeped.
?? From Auntie Kay
Skyped your mum earlier. I made her tell me about Nick and Andy. You must be so confused. She says you’re meeting Andy to talk tonight. I’ve sent you an email and urge you to read it before you make any decisions. Never forget you’re my favourite niece and I only want what’s right for you xxxxx
I frowned at the text, a feeling of anxiety sweeping over me as I quickly tapped in a response.
?? To Auntie Kay
Sounds ominous. Will read it now xxxxx
I closed the bedroom door and headed downstairs, curling up on the sofa with my laptop on my knee.
Hi Sarah,
I wish I was at home right now to say this in person rather than by email. Your mum told me about you splitting up with Nick because of Andy re-appearing.
I’m sure you know whom I’d rather see you with but this is your choice, not mine. All I want isfor my favourite niece to be happy and I can imagine you’re having a tough time working out whether Andy or Nick is the one who can make you happy long-term.
I’m going to tell you something that I know you’re curious about…
When I was 16, I had a boyfriend called Tim. He joined the army and was posted overseas after 18 months together. We were young and the distance was too hard. I was devastated when it ended because I thought Tim was The One.
But then I met Charlie Blake at a barn dance in one of the nearby villages and, the moment we saw each other, something clicked into place for both of us. He was very different to Tim but he was perfect for me.
On my 21st birthday, 15 months after we met, Charlie was going to take me out for a meal, but he never turned up. He’d been driving along the coast road to collect me – a road he knew so well – but he must have swerved to avoid a sheep or a deer because his car left the road and careered down the cliff.
The next day, they recovered the car and Charlie’s body. In his pocket was an engagement ring with our initials engraved inside. I had no idea he was going to propose.
You know that ring I wear? It’s not my mum’s engagement ring, it’s the one Charlie bought me.
I never wanted to date again. I couldn’t face getting close to someone and experiencing such an overwhelming feeling of loss ever again and, if I’m honest, who was ever going to live up to the high standard Charlie had set?
Everyone kept telling me that time was a great healer and Charlie would have wanted me to moveon. People say things enough times and you start to believe them.
Tim’s posting ended and he came home. Somehow, we picked up where we’d left off.
We’d often double-date with your mum and dad. One evening I was watching them together and it struck me that they had what I’d had with Charlie and that it was something I didn’t have with Tim. We’d talked about getting married and having a family and I realised that I couldn’t do it. If I couldn’t have what your parents had – or what I’d had with Charlie – I’d rather be on my own. Tim and I split up that evening.
I’ve been so blessed as I’ve not missed out on having a family thanks to you and Ben. Being able to see the sea from Seashell Cottage has helped me feel close to Charlie. I feel comforted listening to the waves and thinking I can hear him calling me.
I swore your parents to secrecy as I didn’t want anyone to try and talk me into getting over Charlie and moving on. I’d been there and done that with Tim and I broke his heart. I didn’t want to put me or anyone else through that again.
So, there you go. I’ve loved and I’ve lost and I never want to do it again. One day, Charlie and I will be together. Until then, I’ve got my extended family of four who mean the world to me.
You may be wondering what this has to do with you and your present dilemma. There are two men in your life right now and I want you to think carefully about who your Tim is and who your Charlie is…
