Clare was quiet for a moment. ‘No. But that doesn’t mean thereisn’t one. I couldn’t think of an explanation around your man Andy’s OTT behaviour but there was one, wasn’t there?’
Hmm. Good point as usual.
Five minutes later, the fire was blazing. ‘I think it’s time.’ I picked up my laptop and sat beside her on the sofa.
‘Are you sure you want to do this? If it really is over with Nick, surely you should be ramping up your search for Steven, not calling it off.’
‘You’ve changed your tune. I thought you didn’t believe in the Steven thing.’
‘I still don’t but you do.’ She narrowed her eyes at me. ‘Or have you finally seen sense?’
‘I still believe it but I think the name is a red herring. I listened to the CD several times on Sunday. Madame Louisa says that I’ll reach a crossroads where past meets present and I have to follow my heart not my head because my heart will lead me to Steven. The crossroads were obviously Andy and Nick. My head was telling me to try again with Andy because I’d always believed we’d get back together one day but my heart wouldn’t let go of Nick. Nick’s the heart decision and the heart decision is supposed to lead me to Steven.’
Clare frowned. ‘So if Nick is really Steven, even though that’s not his name, why aren’t you fighting for him?’
‘Mum asked me the same thing. It’s hard to explain.’
‘Try me.’
I sipped on my wine. ‘Firstly I feel stupid and embarrassed about the Andy thing. Secondly, he’s seeing someone else?—’
‘Possibly.’
‘Almost definitely. And thirdly, if we really are meant to be together, it will still happen. He’ll have his fling with Blonde and I’ll have had my blip with Andy and we’ll be on an even footing to start again. Well, sort of even. I didn’t sleep with Andy?—’
‘And you don’t know that he’s sleeping with Blonde, do you now?’
‘I hope he isn’t, but it’s none of my business.’ I switched the laptop on while Clare stared at me. I really didn’t have the energy for an argument.
‘I still don’t get it,’ she said. ‘Why remove your dating profile? Using your logic, couldn’t you just keep it on there and have a bit of fun until destiny finally reunites you and Nick or whatever it is you’re expecting?’
‘I don’t think it would be fair. I don’t want to meet anyone else. The only person I want is Nick. I’ve already messaged the three Stevens who asked me out before Christmas to say I’m removing my profile and concentrating on the business for the foreseeable future. It’s my New Year’s Resolution.’
‘And what will you really be doing?’
‘Removing my profile and concentrating on the business.’And hoping that Nick will come back to me eventually.
I’d made a decision that the New Year signalled time for a new perspective on things. I was going to be grateful for all the amazing things that had come my way over the past few months. I had a great business, a great team to help run it, my health, a rent-free roof over my head and my friends and family around me. I was incredibly lucky and I needed to start acting like a lucky person instead of a victim.
‘Why do you keep staring at me?’ I said. Midnight was fast approaching but we’d already agreed not to acknowledge it. I wasn’t a fan of New Year’s Eve either. I always found it such an anti-climax so was delighted to be spending it at home with one of my best friends instead of squashed in a sweaty pub with a five-deep queue at the bar and a three-hour wait for a taxi home at quadruple the usual price.
‘I’m trying to imagine what it must be like being you.’
I laughed. ‘Now why would you want to do something scary like that?’
Clare didn’t laugh. ‘A few months ago, you ended a three-year relationship with Jason because he wasn’t The One, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘And a few days ago you ended a twelve-year on-off relationship with Andy because you finally realised he wasn’t The One either, right?’
I nodded.
‘But you think Nick is The One?’
‘Yes.’
‘And, not only that, you think he’stheSteven your clairvoyant predicted was the perfect match for you, but she somehow got the name wrong?’
