‘Thank you.’ A slightly awkward silence descended on us. Why hadn’t he acknowledged that I was single again? Maybe he was waiting for me to mention it. Then I felt a wave of guilt. He’d just lost his best friend. Re-kindling a relationship with me would be the furthest thing from his mind. He needed a friend. I should just be that friend and stop thinking about anything else.
‘Sounds like everything’s clicked into place for you,’ he said.
Not quite everything.I knew it was selfish of me after everything he’d been through but seeing him again and holding him as he sobbed had sent my emotions into overdrive. I loved him so madly, so deeply that I couldn’t help myself. I longed to hear that there was still a chance for us. I couldn’t bear the thought of life without him. Just like Auntie Kay said, there was no doubting that he was my Charlie.
‘And how’s your Auntie Kay?’
Could he read my mind? Did he know I was thinking about Auntie Kay?Oh God! This is agony. You’re my soulmate, Nick. We should be together.But of course, I just politely answered his question. ‘Having the time of her life. They’ve toured America, Canada and Australia. They fly to New Zealand next week.’
‘Sounds exciting.’
Silence. The elephant in the room was so big I could almost hear it trumpeting. I stared at Nick, hoping he’d say something. I couldn’t be the first to speak. I didn’t want him to think I was selfish by only thinking about me and what I wanted.
Nick downed the final third of his pint in one. ‘Another drink?’ he asked.
I pointed to my full glass. ‘I’m all right, thanks.’
‘You don’t mind if I get another…’
‘No. Go ahead.’ I watched him head for the bar with a sinking heart. It wasn’t going well.
My mobile buzzed and I fished it out of my bag.
?? From Stevie
Hope you don’t mind my little set up. Someone had to take action and I knew you wouldn’t be brave enough to make the first move & let him know how you feel. So here’s your chance. You two are made for each other. Anyone can see that. Call me tomorrow with good news xxxxxxx
I looked towards Nick leaning against the bar. Stevie was right. I wasn’t brave enough but I needed to be. I’d felt brave that day at Lighthouse Point but that was over two months ago. So much had happened since then. What would I say? Should I just come out with it? ‘Nick, you do know Andy’s gone, don’t you?’ But what if he said, ‘Yeah. So?’ It would kill me. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t put myself out there for rejection like that.
I took a large gulp of wine. But what if he wasn’t feeling brave either? He really put himself out there by telling me how he felt when we split up. He made it pretty clear then that he wouldn’tchase me but he’d be waiting for me. Maybe he couldn’t bring himself to say anything in case I rejected him again. After what he’d been through with Alex and Lisa, he must be so fragile right now that there was no way he’d risk adding more hurt.
Lisa seemed to think he still cared and we should be together. She said that stuff about life being too short…
I glugged on my wine again, my stomach in knots. I’d never felt more afraid or out of my depth in how to handle a situation correctly. What was more frightening? Potentially making a fool of myself in front of Nick or letting him walk out of my life yet again? It wasn’t a hard question to answer.
Nick headed back from the bar. I needed to be brave.You do know I sent Andy packing, don’t you? That would be a good start.
I noticed his pint was already half empty. His face bore a deep frown. He sat down and looked at the floor. ‘So,’ he said, before I had a chance to speak, ‘how’s it going with Andy?’
What?‘Andy?’
‘Your ex. The one who… I’m assuming you’re still together.’
‘I sent him packing before New Year.’
Nick looked up, an expression of hope on his face. ‘New Year? Why didn’t you get in touch with…?’ The hope faded and he looked away again. ‘Oh. Because you didn’t want to get back with me, of course. This must be what it feels like to be Callie, not engaging brain before mouth.’ He took another swig of his drink. ‘I’d better go.’ He stood up but I grabbed his arm.
‘Please don’t leave me again,’ I begged, tugging his arm to make him sit down. ‘Ididget in touch with you. After Callie came into the shop, you texted me to say you missed me and I replied telling you Andy had gone. I put it on Facebook too. Several times.’
‘I’ve barely glanced at Facebook since hearing about Alex and the last text I had from you told me that things were great between you two.’
‘What? I never…’ I fished my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through the sent items. ‘Here, read this.’
‘“Andy’s good. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through. Hope we can stay friends and maybe go out for a drink soon”.’
I grabbed the phone off him and scowled at the text. ‘No! Thatshould read, “Andy’s gone”. Damn ancient phone and stupid bloody predictive text.’ I slammed my phone onto the table. ‘Did you really think I’d send you a message gloating that my relationship was great? That would be nasty.’
Nick shrugged. ‘Everything else was crap so it struck me as another thing to add to the pile. Why didn’t you text again when I didn’t respond?’
