‘Thank you. You look good too. Very tanned.’ I smiled apologetically as I posed the obvious question: ‘Why are you here?’
His eyes widened then he laughed. ‘Straight to the point. You’ve obviously been taking lessons from Clare.’
‘It’s nothing to do with Clare,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘I justcan’t imagine why you’ve come all this way on the off-chance I may be free for a catch-up.’
‘I tried to phone but it was your old work number.’
‘Of course. Sorry about that. Why didn’t you email me then? My email address hasn’t changed. Or Messenger? Why come all the way up here?’
‘Isn’t it obvious?’
‘No.’
He smiled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. For a moment, he looked tired and vulnerable.
‘I’ve missed you,’ he said.
‘You’ve missed me?’ It was barely a whisper.
He nodded. ‘Living overseas away from friends and family gives you lots of thinking time and you’re all I’ve been able to think about recently. I always thought we’d get back together one day, but that was never going to happen while I was abroad and you were with Jason. But now I’m back and Jason is out of the equation. I know I should have emailed but I just had to see you and…’ He stopped and ran his hand through his hair. ‘Kelly and I… well… it was never like it was with you. Nobody has ever come close to what we had together. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, Sarah. I wanted to see you in person to ask you if there’s any chance we can try again?’
For eight years, I’d longed to hear those words. I’d imagined dozens of movie-perfect scenarios where Andy would come back into my life and sweep me off my feet. The trauma of our break-up would be instantly forgotten. I’d see the pain and regret in his eyes for letting me walk out of his life and we’d share a kiss so passionate that those wasted years would melt away and we’d know that our future together was sealed forever.
Only this wasn’t one of those moments. I genuinely didn’t know how to react.
‘Say something,’ he pleaded. ‘You’re making me nervous.’
‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’ I took another gulp of my wine as I tried to gather my thoughts.
‘I want you to say you feel the same but I’m guessing that’s not the case.’ He stood up. ‘I’m sorry. I should go. This is probably thestupidest, most impulsive thing I’ve ever done.’ He picked up his coat.
‘Andy! I didn’t exactly wake up this morning with a speech prepared in case you turned up out of the blue and announced you wanted to try again. It’s very unexpected. But I would like to hear you out.’
He didn’t look convinced but sat down anyway. ‘Okay. I’ll stay. Where do you want me to start?’
A burning question popped into my mind and, as soon as it did, I knew it was the most important question and whatever happened next depended on his answer. ‘There’s something that I need to know.’ I looked deep into his eyes. ‘I need to know why you changed. Why did you throw three happy years away, just like that?’
He took a sharp intake of breath but managed to hold my gaze.
‘We’ve never talked about it,’ I continued, ‘and I’ve always felt like it’s the elephant in the room each time we’ve met up. I need to know what happened to us.’
Andy returned my stare for a short but agonising moment. I felt my resolve slipping and bit my lip.Don’t flinch. Don’t tell him it’s fine and there’s no need to open old wounds because you need this. He owes you this.
Finally, he spoke. ‘You’re right.’ He took a swig of his pint and sighed. ‘I got a bit too career-driven and ambitious. It’s not a great explanation, but it’s the truth.’
‘Okay,’ I said slowly, nodding at him. ‘But that doesn’t actually explain anything. What does that even mean?’
He sighed again. ‘The graduate programme I joined was for two years and I thought there was a guaranteed job at the end but it turned out that they would only take on the very best performers. There were some really talented grads and it quickly became a competition to out-do each other. I thought I was good enough to get away with working a nine-to-five day and going out drinking every night. No chance. I made a couple of careless mistakes in my first month and my manager gave me a “pull your socks up or you’re out by Christmas” pep talk. I realised I couldn’t piss about anymore so I threw myself into my career.’
‘And being with me was pissing about, was it?’ I snapped, cringing at the volume of my voice.
‘No! I didn’t specifically mean you. I meant in general. I needed to focus on the job but that meant putting in long hours and working weekends to prove I was the best which, ultimately, meant losing you.’
‘You should have told me what was going on, especially about the mistakes at work. I might not have liked it but I’d have understood if we’d needed to cool it while you got back on track.’
He smiled weakly. ‘I’m sorry about the way it ended. I should have at least let you stay that weekend to talk it over.’
‘I was just thinking about that recently,’ I said. ‘I cried all the way home that night.’
