‘It’s fine. Honestly.’ I waved her off.
After the couple paid for their gifts and left, I sat down heavily on the stool by the counter. Why hadn’t I asked her about Blonde? But I knew the answer; I didn’t want to hear that he’d moved on. To have her confirm it would have taken away the tiniest possibility that it was innocent and I still stood a chance with him.
?? From Andy
Hi gorgeous. Can I pick you up at the cottage at 6.30 instead of the shop? Wrap up warm again. Can’t wait to see you tonight xx
?? To Andy
OK. See you there
I couldn’t bring myself to put kisses or even a smiley face on my text. I didn’t feel very smiley. What I felt was very guilty as I watched the little envelope sending my text. Should I be honest with Andy and tell him how I felt about Nick? Or should I keep trying with him and forget about Nick like he’d forgotten about me? But what if it was innocent with Blonde and Nick really was still waiting for me?
The door opened, signalling a welcome interruption to my confused thoughts. ‘Crikey, sweetheart, you look like Santa forgot you’d moved. I don’t know if I dare ask if you had a good Christmas.’
I smiled at Cathy and Jade. ‘Sorry. Miles away. Christmas was great, thanks. What about you two?’
‘It was lovely, thank you,’ Cathy said. ‘But the best bit was Jade’s news.’
‘Oh yes?’ I looked expectantly at Jade, anticipating some news about an exam result or something like that. I certainly didn’t expect her to bounce up and down excitedly, thrust out her left hand and squeal, ‘I got engaged.’
Engaged? I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend. On autopilot, my hand reached for hers and I looked down at the shiny platinum band and sparkling solitaire diamond. It was stunning. Simple. But absolutely stunning.
‘When?’ I eventually managed to whisper.
‘Midnight on Christmas Eve.’
‘She’s been with Aaron since she was twelve,’ Cathy gushed. ‘He’s a lovely young man.’
‘How did he propose?’ I asked. The ring was just like the one I dreamed about. I hoped the proposal wasn’t though. I knew I was torturing myself by asking but I felt compelled to know.
‘He said he had a special present he wanted me to have without my family around. He stood me in front of the Christmas tree and told me to close my eyes. I thought it was going to be something embarrassing like underwear, but when he told me to open my eyes, he was on bended knee. He cried when I said yes.’
‘When’s the big day?’ A huge lump choked the words. Jade looked radiant with happiness. I’d seen that look so many times and it made me feel further and further away from my own hopes and dreams.
‘Summer the year after next when I’ve finished college.’
‘I’m so happy for you, Jade.’ I said. ‘I know a great florist you must use. She’ll do you a cracking deal.’
They laughed and Cathy hugged her daughter. ‘I’m so proud,’ she said. ‘I know some people will think they’re too young but they’re such sensible kids and, as I’ve already said, Aaron is lovely. Perfect son-in-law material.’
I smiled. ‘He sounds great. Congratulations! Look, I know you’ve just arrived and you haven’t even got your coats off, but Mum’srunning late and I’m dying for the loo. You couldn’t hold the fort for a moment while I go, could you?’
‘Of course,’ Cathy said. ‘We don’t want any puddles on your nice new floor.’
Tucked away in the toilet cubicle, I sat down and rested my head against the cool wall while the tears flowed. I was genuinely delighted for Jade but devastated at another reminder that it was always someone else, never me, who was getting married. Someone else who wouldn’t be all alone like my Uncle Alan. My shoulders sank even further at the terrifying prospect of being alone. Maybe I should forget about Nick and give in to Andy? If he loved me as much as he said, maybe a proposal was just round the corner? But did I want to marry him? I sighed as I dabbed my eyes then blew my nose. If I said yes to trying again with Andy, would it be like Jason all over again, together because it seemed we should be rather than because he really was the only one for me?
‘What are we doing here?’ I asked. ‘It’s freezing.’ Andy had picked me up at half six as promised, checked I was wrapped up warm, then drove me down to South Bay.
‘Patience,’ he said. ‘You’ll like it, though. I promise.’
He took my gloved hand as we crossed the road and guided me towards Lighthouse Point – a stretch of rocks with a wide path on the top that led to the stripy lighthouse at the entrance to the harbour. It was where that photo of my grandma was taken. And it was where Nick would be throwing roses into the sea on New Year’s Day. Of all the places he could have brought me, why did it have to be there? I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply.Stop thinking about Nick. Focus on Andy.
‘It’s a bit cold and dark,’ I moaned, wishing I was back at Seashell Cottage in front of a blazing fire. Without Andy. And ideally with Nick.
‘It’s notthatcold and I did check you were wrapped up warm before we left the cottage. It’s not my fault if you’re not wearing enough layers.’
‘I didn’t know you were bringing me down to the seafront.’ I thrust my gloved hands into my coat pockets.
