I try my best to concentrate. I’m still hella fuzzy, butthings definitely feel a little more clear. I know where I am, anyway. (Which, for the record, seems to be about ten miles up shit’s creek.)
(Still strangely not mad about it, though.)
“Ah, thank God!” he says. “I’ve bumped up both the acetylcholine and the endorphins in your brain, while also knocking back a bit of the dopamine. It’s fighting the effects of the poison, but you’re using up the reserves of your own body fast. Since you’re essentially human right now, there’s not a lot there. It won’t buy us much time.” He leans in, intense. “She’s nearby, but not close enough to understand you. We’ve got to get you away from her!”
I squint at him. “You… can change my brain?” I’m trying to speak as quietly as possible, but my tongue is so sluggish, I’m not sure I’m actually forming words. Still, he seems to understand me fine.
“The longer you use the artifact, the more in sync we get.IfI don’t fight it, anyway. I can’t affect the outside world directly, but therearemeditative techniques that can alter neural function, and I basically just gave your subconscious a little crash course on that.”
I try to wrap my head around all the bizarre ten-dollar words he’s just thrown at me, and a memory of practicing Buddhist concentration meditation lurches into view. I have this vague image of being under a tree in some forest in Thailand and told to focus on my breathing, right at the tip of my nose. And doing that for averylong time, until I started feeling legit high. Kind of like how I’m feeling now.
Huh. I’ve never meditated a day in my life. I wonder if Collin can download other instructions into my head, likehow to fight using kung fu,Matrix-style. That would be pretty frickin’ cool. (Not to mention super helpful, considering how my day’s been going!)
I’d kinda like to ask, but he’s fully focused on getting me out of here—which, let’s face it, is why he’s the Avatar of Knowledge and I’m the stupid incubus boy who lets nice women poison him.
“She’s only given you enough antidote so you don’t die. She’s looking for you to suffer, and she’s going to fill you with other drugs to make you more compliant. To make youwantto give her the watch.”
Even though my tongue still isn’t moving right, I am feeling more like myself in my own head. At least, more like the Alvin who stood up to an elven warrior with a big-ass sword just a few hours ago.
“I’m not going to do that, Collin.”
A boyish smile flickers across his face. It’s a little bashful.
“I know that. I know you won’t.” Then his worried frown returns. “But she doesn’t. She’s going to keep trying stuff on you until you break. And it’s not like we’re dealing with a professional anesthesiologist at a hospital. This is a mad lady feeding you toxic plants in her backyard. Eventually, she’ll get the doses wrong, and itwillkill you.” He pulls his face into a fierce expression. “There’s no getting around it. We’re going to need to charge up your incubus powers.”
My brows scrunch. “You candothat? Like with the… neuro-stuff?”
“No. You need to drain actual life force.Mylife force.And that’s not something I can teach you.” He glances away, shy again. “It, um, doesn’t work like that.”
After a breath, Collin returns to me, eyes vulnerable. He tenderly brushes the back of his fingernails against my cheek. His fingertips then slide down to my neck. They tickle, but not in a bad way. More of aniceway.
Oh.
All my good mood instantly evaporates. Because I finally realize how truly fucked I am, and it’s not the kind of fucked he’s looking for.
“Collin, if you mean we have to have sex again, I’m sorry, but there’s just no way!” Just for giggles, I check in with my dick—which, of course, is as limp as a wet rag. Limper, to be honest. “I mean, even if Iwasn’tpoisoned, tied up, exhausted, and fighting an Obligation—my life’s in danger,yourlife’s in danger! Or at least your freedom from eternaltorture! I know I’m an incubus, but I can’t just turn my horniness on and off like a switch. I don’t care how many endorphins or whatever are flooding my brain right now—sex is literally the furthest thing from my mind. I’m too freaked out!”
I expect him to tell me I need to try. That there’s actually some kind of special sex demon technique guaranteed to get you hot and hard while awaiting your own execution. That, ultimately, sex is what defines me, no matter what’s going on.
But he doesn’t. Instead, his expression melts into pure empathy. “I know. Even if it were possible for other incubi to get in the mood here—and I really doubt it would be—it’s not who you are. You aren’t some kind of sex machine.You’re this sound, gentle, caring, and veryhumanlad who feels so much, and I’m dead glad I found you.”
He leans forward and affectionately presses the side of his face against mine. His cheek is super soft. The brush of his skin doesn’t do anything for my dick. But it sends a warm pulse through me. And what he just said warms me even more.
His breath is at my ear, gentle and moist. “What we did last time gave you incubus powers for several minutes. This time, we just need a short burst to get you out of these vines and away from Tara. And you don’t need a hard cock for that—you just need toconnectwith someone who really likes you.”
He slides his arms around my back and pulls me forward. I feel the vines loosen, and I smoothly step down off the lattice, the restraints slipping off me. Somehow I know I must still be trapped up there, bound up tight, but it feels good to be free of the rough branches, even if it is an illusion.
We’re now standing in front of each other, a foot apart, face-to-face. His sky-blue eyes are so kind, and he’s got this cute puppy-dog smile. Even with being totally freaked out, I can’t deny it—he looks adorable. He’s so close, the smell of pine and heather from his shepherd-boy outfit fills my nostrils.
“I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but youarevery special to me. I would give anything to keep you safe. So, please, Alvin—open your heart and let me in.”
He pulls me into an embrace, and without thinking about it, my arms draw around him, too. An actual, mutual hug is still a novel sensation for me, even if it isimaginary. He feels so solid. So strong. Then his lips find their way to mine.
I’m tempted to pull back. I wasn’t joking about not being at all in the mood for sexy stuff. And I really don’t want to see his disappointment when I don’t respond how he expects.
But when he kisses me—slowly, tenderly—I don’t stop him. Even though my mouth was dry before, there’s just enough saliva to keep things smooth, and as his mouth caresses mine, I’m surprised to find it actually feels good. Not sexy good. Not really. But sweet good. Comforting good. Happy good. Good that this charming, loving boy found a way for our bodies to be evencloser.
Of course, he’s right that it’s hard to believe he would really care about me. I mean, we’ve known each other for less than a day. And even if we had all the time in the world, I’m still….me. I know what I am, and despite what the evil druid lady said, I’m not someone anyone would think was “special.” At least, that’s not something someone as beautiful as Collin would ever think. And it’s certainly not something an ancient, all-knowing entity would think, either.
