Damn. If there’s a hell, it’s this. Physical agony trumped only by how much you hate yourself. I legit want to die.
I double over and grunt loudly. Collin immediately sits up, but it doesn’t take an Avatar of Knowledge to see that I’m in big trouble.
“Alvin, what’s wrong?!”
Corrosion and fire race through my veins. Shame and despair consume me. It’s like there is nothing else. I can’t talk. I can barely think. It was bad before. But I had no idea it had gotten this strong. The Obligation doesn’t just hurt—it feels like there is actual physical damage devouring me from within.
I snuffle and wipe my nose.
A wet streak of cherry red trails the back of my index finger.
“Oh, God,” Collin says, horrified.
With nothing in its way, the Obligation continues to tear through me. The pain claws down my legs, and up my neck, behind my eyes. And the self-hatred is so persuasive, it’s hard to even summon the will to fight it. Because thisiswhat I deserve. I should have given the elf what I promised him! And if I’m the kind of guy who won’t keep his promises, then I should just straight-up die! Painfully. Awfully.
It’s a testament to how powerful fae magic is that 99% of me is totally convinced by that argument. Moments ago, I was basking in love. Now I want nothing more than to end it all. To end myself.
But there’s still a part of me that doesn’t want that. A part of me that never will want that. And it’s going to do whatever it takes to keep me alive.
The monster inside me. My hunger.
I don’t know why it didn’t rear its ugly head when I was poisoned an hour ago. Maybe the “other botanicals” the druid used were specifically designed to fight it. But that was then. Now the low thrum of predatory desire that’s been lurking in the background throws itself hotlyagainst the pain in my limbs and head like a herd of raging bulls—and it knows what it needs to win.
I must be straight-up moaning at this point, because the driver turns around. “Uh, sir… Are you okay?”
I look up at him with a wild expression. I’m covered in dirt from the garden. Blood is, no doubt, streaming from my nose.
His eyes widen with shock. “Jesus!”
Our gaze locks—and that’s all it takes. My hunger flails out with savage, invisible tentacles and grabs hold of his soul.
Mom’s always made clear that you don’t have tolearnto use your incubus power to overcome humans. That it just knows what to do. That it’s the most natural thing in the world. For us, anyway.
But it doesn’t feel natural. It feels ferocious.
His jaw goes a bit slack. His eyes soften. “Um…” he says. He blinks hard and twists his head, trying to fight the feeling the monster inside me is pumping into him. The need. Thedesire. I mean, I must look absolutely frightful. He probably doesn’t even like boys.
But he doesn’t stand a chance.
He swallows hard, turns back in his seat, and returns his eyes to the road. “I’m, uh— I’m going to pull over.”
I see him glance up at a road sign, then change lanes to direct the car toward a rest stop, and I feel satisfaction, the line between the monster and me blurring. This has been a long time coming, and it looks like it will beeasy.
The Obligation is still flaring in my guts, though. It hasn’t let up. And despite being pummeled on two fronts, there’s a part of me that’s still me. Who I hope is the realme. Someone who doesn’t want to hurt this guy. Who doesn’twantto be a monster!
I grip hold of some of the guilt and shame from the fae magic and try to direct it toward fighting the hunger. Try to feel the wrongness of it. The wrongness of what it wants to do.
It doesn’t work. That elvish guilt trip only wants one thing, and it doesn’t care about anything else. It certainly doesn’t care who gets hurt in the process.
My monster sniggers at how weak and helpless I am. But it’ll fix that.
We’re pulling into the rest stop parking lot now. It’s run-down, mostly empty. There’s a spot behind a thick tree, well away from the few other cars that are here. The driver glides us over there. He’s breathing heavy.
Bryan Adams is on the radio now. Singing about sacrifice. Singing that he’d gladly give everything, even his own life, for love.
I desperately look over at Collin. He has to know some way to fight this. Something that will keep me from going through with it!
But his expression is no longer horrified. It’s softened into something more like understanding. Like acceptance.
