He raises his head. It trembles, like it takes great effort. His voice comes out of his smushed mouth in a mumble. “Alvin, this isn’t you. You’re in a residential neighborhood. You’re spreading fire everywhere. What you’re doing will hurt people.This isn’t you.”
Of course, it’s not Alvin! Alvin was weak. I am fire and thunder! I don’t need to be scared of anything! And I don’t need to listen to anyone! I’m done with worrying about who could get hurt!
I raise my fist to smash him again?—
—and then I stop.
This should feel awesome. It’s power! It’s freedom! But now, hovering over Collin’s watery blue eyes, it all feels… a little lonely somehow. Sad, even.
Jesus. Why does everything need to be so freaking complicated with this guy?!
With effort, Collin levers himself up and reaches his giant-sized hand forward, past my arm, into my chest. I look down to see Alvin, suspended, limbs limp, eyesclosed, inside a body of fire. Amonsterof fire. I watch Collin’s finger touch Alvin’s face.
My face.
“Alvin… Come back to me… I’m hurt… I need you…Help…” He then collapses back to the ground. He really does look pretty messed up. And I’m the one who messed him up.
What am I doing?
I don’t like to hurt people! Not anyone. But especially not him!
Then it hits me. All the power I felt, the exaltation—it wasn’t confidence. It was rage. In a horrified instant, some curtain parts inside me and all my anger drowns under a wave of sadness and guilt. A downdraft of cool air melts away the flames from around my body, and I feel myself gently float to the ground.
When I open my eyes, they’re Alvin’s eyes—myrealeyes—and Collin is on the pavement in front of me. Regular-sized. Broken.
I drop to my knees and pull him into my lap.
“Oh, my God. What did I do?!”
His fingers slide onto the back of my hand. The tips stroke my skin, weakly. “You did great, Alvin… You came back...” That gentle expression of his, lop-sided due to his injury, lights up his eyes. But it’s just a dim flicker. There’s not enough mouth to smile. “You just need to hold me for a little bit… I’ll be grand…”
That doesn’t sound likely. But I still scoop him up tighter in my arms, much faster than I probably should considering his injuries, and squeeze him way too hardagainst my chest. I can’t help it—I’m so desperate to fix things. To fix him. To fix all of it. Everything I did.
I look around. The whole half of the block that I ran over is on fire. People are fleeing from their homes, clutching the few belongings they could carry. Children are crying, small faces covered in soot.
And behind me, in the middle of the street, are Rafa and the elf. Staring at me in abject fear.
5
I’ve always beenafraid of the monster inside me. Afraid that deep down, I was some predator who would suck the life out of those I loved. But this is so much worse than I could have ever imagined.
I sit on the pavement. Collin is in my arms, and I’m curled around him, my chin on his shoulder, my legs tucked in under his. Smoke still drifts away from my body, but the only thing I’m burning with now is shame. It begins to rain, soft and misty for a few seconds, and then harder. Much harder. Except none of the big, fat drops fall on me. Because this is the elf’s magic—as he walks up to me with Rafa, his fingers twirl in the air, his entire body seeming much recovered. He’s putting out the string of house fires while keeping us dry.
“You couldn’t have done this five minutes ago?” Rafa growls, leaning in to the fae warrior. He mutters his words under his breath, but he’s now within earshot—of my paranormal senses, at least. He’s wearing his duster and isholding his long gun, looks like both made it out with him.
The elf curves his lip. “Five minutes ago, this street wasn’t flooded with ambient magic. But now there’s more than enough for me to be generous.” He stops a few feet away and airily motions down in my direction. “And how can I not help? I mean, look at his sad little face. And after he saved us and everything!”
I can’t deal with his bullshit, so I turn back to Collin, who does seem to be healing while he rests in my arms.
“How many people did I just hurt? How many… did I kill?”
“Evil vampires? Loads,” he says, his voice sounding pretty much back to normal. The swelling has at least reduced enough for a genuine smile. “But as far as I can tell, no humans. They all had time to get out.”
Right. So I only caused massive property damage in one of the poorest neighborhoods in the city. What are the odds that anyone living here has actual insurance? I still ended their lives, just slower.
Well done. Truly outstanding work—for a monster.
Rafa touches the base of my chin and turns me toward him. He’s kneeling next to me. I realize tears are streaming down my cheeks.
