“Don’t you start. My thermals are somewhere in a drawer and I don’t want to go digging for them now.” Gabriel’s words are sharp, but his mirthful eyes betray his real feelings. He reaches for his coat and James sucks in a deep breath, hoping that he didn’t overstep. “What’s this then?”
The question is spoken softly as Gabriel picks up the new pair of gloves and matching hat. The gloves are battery operated, so when the person’s wearing them it’s almost like a hot water bottle, but on their hands. The hat has an extrathermal layer, making it a little thicker than the one that Gabriel took with him in the first place. James is aiming for nonchalance when he answers, “Thought they might help. With the cold, you know?”
“I’m sure they will. How does it work?” His big, green eyes are full of gratitude and the soft squeeze he gives James’ hand when he reaches out to help conveys the same message.
21 [James] Helsinki, Finland
December 15th
“Ithink it’s the greatest thing anyone’s ever invented,” Gabriel quips as they make their way off the train in the light of the early morning. He’s rubbing his hands together, as if to warm them up with the friction. It’s a futile endeavor, since James saw him activate the heating system they’re equipped with before they left their cabin.
The sight of the beanie on Gabriel’s head and the gloves covering his fingers mean a lot to James. It feels like, for the first time, he’s been able to do something for Gabriel in return. However small it might be in the grand scheme of things.
A year ago, Gabriel opened his home to him - someone he’d only heard of through a mutual friend - and provided a soft place to land as James lost the foundation of his entire life. A space to call his own when it felt like he had nothinganymore. Evenings lingering in awkward silence, weeks spent skirting around the other and getting used to having someone else in their space. Gabriel with his new roommate, James with someone other than Paul.
It took months, but soon awkward evenings turned into dinner with one of their playlists playing, breakfast before either had to leave for work and weekends spent doing their own thing, but in each other’s orbit. James didn’t realize how much he missed justbeingaround other people. Without social rules, useless small talk and reputations to uphold.
So, being able to do something like this for Gabriel – offer comfort in a time James knows he is in need of it – feels like being able to repay him for it all. Just a little.
“You’ll have no excuse not to join me now though.” James smirks. Gabriel rolls his eyes, but even James can tell that it’s half-hearted. He backtracks a bit, feeling like he’s come on too strong, “Well, you know, only if-”
“You know I don’t ever do anything I don’t want to.” The look Gabriel gives him is sharp, like he’s reminding James that he isn’t forcing him to do any of it and he’ll happily do it. James hates how much the simple reassurance helps him settle.
It’s another cathedral, market and dinner kind of day. Somehow, when making the plans, he unconsciously stuck to a pattern and only figured it out when he made the final plansfor the last days of the trip.Afterhe made reservations for everything he’d already written down. He worried it would become monotonous, but it actually makes it a little easier. Now, most days he knows what to expect and he’s found a rhythm for these particular days he likes to adhere to.
Helsinki is one of the cities that’s easier to navigate by metro. With his pre-printed and written instructions, it turns out to be quite manageable to purchase public transport tickets for the day and to make their way onto the metro. It’s a simple thing, but while the city passes by, he can’t help but reflect on how far he’s come from day one. They’re officially at the halfway mark of December, just a few days shy of hitting the middle of the journey, and with every day that passes it’s getting more enjoyable to let things play out as they happen.
He figures he’s got Gabriel to thank for that as well. Gabriel’s easygoing nature and anti-stress attitude helps offset James’ nerves and overall jitteriness.
The city’s beautiful, as all the cities thus far have been. It’s picturesque buildings, with high gavels and beautiful cobblestoned streets. Blanketed by the snow, Helsinki has the glow and beauty of a true winter wonderland, its old school charm and buildings filled with history.
At the sight of the snow-covered stairs in front of the cathedral James gulps a little. Knowing his luck he’ll mostlikely end up back at the bottom before he’s managed more than five steps. The church itself is impressive, towering over them in its off-white glory. From where they’re standing the high pillars flanking the front of the building look vast, unmoving and brilliant in their craftsmanship. The green dome on top of the cathedral glistens with the rays of the weak winter sun, reflecting the light onto the snow and making for an overall unforgettable moment.
“If we hold onto each other, I’m pretty sure we’ll be able to get to the top.” Even if Gabriel’s words are meant to be reassuring, the slight uncertainness creeping into his tone makes James giggle. For a brief moment, James thinks it’s not just the stairs he’s worried about, it might be the height as well. That particular inkling of doubt dwindles, however, when his mind flickers with images of him on top of the town walls in Rothenburg and flashes of the elevator in Prague. He’d overcome those hurdles, even enjoyed them in the end. So he nods and waits on Gabriel to make his decision.
What he’s not prepared for, is for Gabriel to reach out and slide his hand into James’. Their gloves make sure there is no actual contact,something James will pout about later, but the spark of electricity that goes through him feels like lightning, nonetheless. It sends warm tingles over his spine.
“Alright, we can do it.” Gabriel looks over at James; their eyes meet and with a final squeeze to James’ hand Gabriel’sfoot lands on the first step.
He’s so occupied with the thought of Gabriel’s hand in his – freely, without any other reason than to provide comfort and stability – that most of the steps happen on autopilot. He’s sure he’ll look back at this later and just find static in his memories. He realizes that he doesn’t mind as much. The feeling of being protected will be all he needs to remember this moment by.
Finally at the top, Gabriel’s wide smile and joyful eyes are enough of a reward. Forget about the cathedral, he could look at his friend all day. Unfortunately, that will be a problem if said friend freezes to death, so he guides them both to the entrance.
Once inside Gabriel is quick to select a spot to sit down. James knows he brought his sketchbook and will be content doing his own thing for a few hours. It’s one of the reasons he’s booked the guided tour for just himself. That, and the fact that Gabriel actually despises nothing more than having to rely on other people when making his way through something like this. The clock in Prague withstanding, for obvious reasons.
The high arches, the open space and the beautiful golden details of the cathedral are enough to hold James’ attention for an hour or two. Enough to make sure that when they leave the church behind, his stomach alerts him that it might betime for lunch.
His watch beeps not even ten minutes later, halfway down the slippery stairs. It makes him chuckle, which in turn shifts his center of gravity and makes him slip a little when he puts his foot on the next step downward. Gabriel’s quick to shuffle in front of him and put his free hand in the middle of James’ chest. The touch prevents him from falling face first down the stairs. It doesn’t stop him from falling in love though, because he’s pretty sure that happened that very first meeting at the beginning of the year.
Their eyes lock and James can’t make himself look away. Gabriel’s eyes are filled with worry, scared lines pulling at the corners. For a beat there’s silence, just the sounds of the city and the crunching of the snow beneath the feet of passersby filling the space between them. “Are you okay?” Gabriel whispers frantically.
The shock’s worn off already. It’s more the fact that he doesn’t want Gabriel to move away that he nods but doesn’t elaborate on his answer. Unfortunately for him, Gabriel does it for him, “Good. Let’s get down and find somewhere to get warm.”
And that’s what they do. The Christmas market in the center of town provides plenty of meal options – from hearty soups to sweet plum pastries. There’s a lot to choose from, but both settle on a vegetable broth with some bread in orderto warm up a bit. James figures there’s enough time to indulge in sweets later. And if there isn’t, it will be easy to take some with them to enjoy later in the day.
The market feels and smells like the holidays, just like the others had. But he’s pleased to find some local treats and discover more about the traditions of advent. Instrumental holiday music seems to fill the square from every corner, giving the market a traditional Christmas feeling. The smell of mulled wine is potent in the air, filling his nose with the smell of sugar and spice. And he can’t help but grab a bag of hand-decorated, tastefully drawn gingerbread cookies.
At one of the booths Gabriel tells him he’s just going to find a place to use the bathroom and to just linger there for a moment. Logically that means James makes sure to inspect every ornament the glassblower has on offer. It also means that he’s not responsible for the fact that he ends up buying four of them: a matching set of different colored books, something he knows will fit just right in the apartment back in London.
