Gabriel stills in his arms; James feels his breathing stutter and stop for just a beat. He leans back in concern.
“You-” Gabriel pulls him close again, this time burying his head in James’ neck. “Me too.”
The world shifts underneath them.It can’t be the train, Jamesthinks. So it must be his perception of everything he’s known so far. He hoped, of course he’d hoped, for Gabriel to reciprocate his feelings. But not for a millisecond did he actually believe it could be a possibility outside of his imagination and his wildest dreams.
What started as a confession out of fear might actually turn out to be the thing that sets him free.
They have a lot to discuss, a lot of things to lay out in the open, but for now James is happy to pull Gabriel tight, close his eyes and let his mind spin at the thought of his feelings being returned.
27 [James] Trollveggen, Norway
December 19th
James blinks the sleep from his crusted eyes. The mucky feeling his tears left behind feels wrong after the incredible night it turned out to be.
The Northern Lights.He was able to tick off one of the biggest items of his wish list, with Gabriel by his side and burrowed in the fort-like structure they built for themselves. He finds Gabriel’s green eyes focused on him, staring at him with an intensity that makes him swallow. “Morning-”
James’ mouth snaps shut when Gabriel leans in. There’s uncertainty flickering in those bright green eyes as the movement slows. His breathing stutters. He hears Gabriel swallow.
“Is this okay?” Gabriel’s so close that James feels his breathless exhale fawn across his face. For just a moment, James’ mind blanks. But when the uncertainty in Gabriel’seyes intensifies, he’s quick to reassure the other and nods.
It’s entirely too long, and not long enough, before their lips connect. The kiss feels like a flurry of snowflakes. Slow, steady and sending tingles down his spine. Gabriel’s hesitant hands find his waist, lingering for just a moment before they squeeze the softness of his waist and pull James against him. The pillows from the barrier are a bunched-up mess between their feet at the end of the bed.
From where they’re lying side by side, now aligned from head to toe, he doesn’t need to tug much before their bodies are fully connected. James’ hand glides from Gabriel’s shoulder up toward the silky strands of unruly hair. The smooth texture of the strands is just as soft as he imagined. From the sound Gabriel makes he can tell that the touch isn’t just welcome, it’s encouraged. He burrows his hand further into them, resting his hand at the nape of Gabriel’s neck as their lips meet over and over again.
It’s soft and caressing and lingering all at once. James doesn’t think he’s ever been kissed this gently, thisthoroughlybefore. He shivers at the thought that they’re only just getting started.
Gabriel’s fingers flex from where they’ve wandered down to James’ thigh. The tightening hold does nothing to tone down the rush of adrenaline and relief James is feeling. Seems like he’s not alone in his feelings after all.
He sighs. The sound gets lost in Gabriel’s kiss. It’s a heady feeling to be laying here with the man that not only feels steady and safe, but real and imperfect as well. His giggle forces them to break their kiss. The soft, open gaze on Gabriel’s face says that he doesn’t quite mind all that much.
“Well, that’s certainly one way to wake someone up.”
“Sorry, I didn’t-”
James is quick to squeeze Gabriel’s neck a little, letting his fingers glide through his hair. “Don’t you dare apologize. Or take it back.” A moment of uncertainty dawns on him, “Unless-”
Gabriel’s hold doesn’t let him move away, as entangled as they are with each other. It’s not the strong touch that keeps him there in the end. It’s the open vulnerability on the other’s face that pins him in place and takes his breath away. “I think this is the most honest I’ve ever been. Everything I said yesterday is true.”
James’ breath hitches. He blinks and whispers, “Do you really mean that?”
Gabriel nods as much as he’s able from their close proximity. He seems to be just as overwhelmed in his emotions as well. “I can’t just be a rebound.”
“You’re not,” James says, trying to portray the truth of the statement. “I promise you, you’re not. I think I haven’t been in love with him for a few years now. Staying was easier thanstarting over.”
Gabriel’s hand trails up from James’ thigh to his collarbone, where he rests the trembling limb over his heart. He smiles a little. “That’s good to hear.”
“I hope this isn’t because you think you owe me anything either.” James makes his own doubt known.
There’s a furrow between Gabriel’s eyebrows as he asks, “Owe you anything?”
“Yeah.” James pauses. “Protection, for example. You protecting me means a lot, but you don’t owe me anything.”
“What are yo-”
With some difficulty James manages to wrangle himself away from Gabriel, sitting up a little. Gabriel’s hand falls in his lap. The warmth is a comfort, even now. “Like it’s some sort of misplaced guilt or pity, for the way I am. For the way my life’s designed.”
Gabriel leans in close, nudging James’ temple with his pointy finger. “You’re in your head too much.”
