“He won’t care. The fact that you’re related to your parents is enough for him.” James sighs. “Funny that, isn’t it? He doesn’t care about the gayness, just about what the status of my partner can do for him.”
He can feel Gabriel curl in on himself. He pulls Gabriel even closer, while he says, “I don’t care about any of that, you know that. I love our little flat, the life we’ve woven together. You’re just Gabriel to me, and that’s everything I ever wanted.”
The next thirty minutes they get lost in each other, tangled in the bedsheets and bathing in the sunrays that are slowly peeking through the curtains. With every passing minute the noises outside of the train intensify, alerting them that theother occupants of the train are waking up and Christmas morning is officially here.
It means a luxurious breakfast in the dining carriage before they’ll have enough time to explore the city. And when they emerge from their room to indulge in freshly baked croissants, hard boiled eggs and an assortment of fruit, it feels just like Christmas mornings gone by. There’s a complimentary case of Christmas cookies waiting for each of them and a figurine in the shape ofThe Evergreen Adventurerneatly wrapped with a little bow on top of their plates.
The restaurant feels warm, atmosphere light and bright. People chatting away happily on this beautiful morning in Amsterdam. James thinks it’s so special to note that, even if it’s relatively early, everyone made the effort to get dressed for the day. It gives the whole affair a bit of flair.
After eating an unhealthy amount of bread, with rich cheeses and jams, they make their way back to the cabin to retrieve their coats. It’s telling, just how comfortable he’s become with Gabriel and how much he’s been able to let go of the past, that he only really grasps the significance of the day when Gabriel and him run into Paul and Riley on their way out of the restaurant.
It hits like a ton of bricks, like a bucket of ice water on a warm day, and he’s reminded once again that a year ago today he hadn’t been enough. Hadn’t been as good a partner as hethought he was. Hadn’t found the person he’d spend his life with. Hadn’t been working on the life of dreams, but of nightmares. James locks eyes with Paul, and for the first time he can see an inkling of regret in them.
He pushes past them, Gabriel’s hand clutched in his and only really exhales when they return to their room, where he’s greeted by a much more welcome surprise. The tastefully wrapped present sitting on his pillow catches him off guard. The gold, red and green snowflake design a cute detail he’ll be smiling about all day.
It’s exactly what he needs not to linger on the negatives of the day. Gabriel’s arms circle his waist from behind, pulling him against a firm chest as his chin comes to rest on James’ shoulder. Two warm hands clasp together above his navel.
“You shouldn’t-”
Gabriel huffs, the exhale flowing over James’ neck. “It’s Christmas, of course I should have.” James smiles, putting his hands over Gabriel’s. “Well, alright then. Your present’s in my bag. Wanted to give it to you later.”
He can just feel the sassy rise of Gabriel’s eyebrow. “And I shouldn’t have? You’re something else.”
James shrugs as much as he’s able with Gabriel’s head resting against his, his gaze locked on the glistering gift.
Gabriel leans back, taking a small step back and gently nudges him toward the bed. “Open it, please? We’ll go intothe city after.” There isn’t much else he needs as he reaches out to the present. It’s got more weight to it than he imagined and he looks to Gabriel in surprise, who’s leaning against the table now. There’s a sudden shyness filling his features that James finds utterly charming.
Untying the bow and unwrapping the paper reveals a photo frame. The cities fromThe Evergreen’sitinerary are written in beautiful cursive underneath polaroid sized photo slots. A rough sketch of the train’s outline is drawn at the bottom of the frame, not quite finished but full of promise.
His eyes well up when they find a few cities already filled. Hand drawn polaroids, each with an element corresponding to said city. The Notre-Dame for Paris. A little canal boat for Venice. The clock in Prague. It’s the most personal gift he’s ever received, giving him the opportunity to look back at this trip with more clarity than any of the digital photos ever will.
From behind him, Gabriel says, “The others aren’t quite finished yet. I thought you might want to come up with some of the places as well.” James turns to him; the frame clutched to his chest. The soft pink flush that’s settled high on Gabriel’s cheeks is endearing.
“It’s perfect. Thank you,” whispers James.
*
Standing outside the door of the unfamiliar house is daunting, but Gabriel’s hand around his waist is providing a steadysupport. He’s taken the afternoon to get used to the idea of not having their Christmas dinner onThe Evergreen. Gabriel was patient throughout the entire day and even said that he would happily go to their reservation. He’d only have to say the word.
It wasn’t hard to see how much Gabriel actually wanted to see his friends again. So after some back and forth he made the decision to join Gabriel for the night. If it’s like Gabriel described it, it’s promising to be a fun night, even if it’s full of new people and unexpected experiences.
The door swings open, revealing a soft looking man who wraps Gabriel in a hug and offers James his hand. The easy smile puts James more at ease. “Come in, come in. You’re the last ones here. So we’re about ready to get started.”
James is already opening his mouth to apologize for the tardiness, mostly at his fault, but Gabriel silently reprimands him with a look and sends a cheeky grin to the man who introduced himself as Connor. “When have you ever known me to be on time?”
The remark is met by happy laughter from what James assumes is Connor’s partner and the two other people he finds in the living room. After friendly introductions they’re led to the dining table and told to take their seat.
The atmosphere is easy, and in a way James feels like it’s never been this comfortable to be around new people before.In the middle of the table, there’s what looks to be a miniature version of a grill, with small pieces of meat and fish scattered around the space. He’s told to just take whatever he wants.
For a second he panics, reminded of buffets and the pressure he always feels when he can feel that people are staring at his plate, but as he watches Gabriel put some beef and chicken on the sizzling plate and the people around them return to their previous conversation, the unease lessens.
It’s fun in every way a buffet isn’t. He can assemble his own meal, pick the things he likes to eat, but without the thought of the eyes of a full restaurant following his every move. None of the people at the table regard him with judgment when he’d rather not touch the fish and doesn’t reach for any of the salads. There’re even some vegetables to grill, which mix very well with his chicken and the fries Connor brought out.
The whole experience is new, in terms of dining style but also as far as Christmas dinner goes. And, as he looks at Gabriel’s easy smile, he can honestly say that he’s glad that he made the decision to join him in this endeavor to have a more laidback evening.
37 [James] Amsterdam, The Netherlands
December 26th
