“I know, Céleste. Believe me, I know.”
Adèle wrapped her arms more tightly around his neck. He hated that they were discussing this in front of her, but he didn’t know what else to do. They didn’t dare speak in English, as that would draw far too much attention at a moment when they needed not to garner any notice at all.
“Your mother wanted you to be free,” Céleste said. “You can’t be without this.”
His mother would have been heartbroken for him, to know he would never be able to escape Crofton’s crushing thumb. She would likely have felt like she hadn’t done enough to help Aldric, and he hated that.
“She would understand,” he said to Céleste as much as to himself. “She wouldn’t have wanted any of us to stay here in danger. Mother would understand.”
Had his voice actually quivered? What happened to the General who had made his reappearance yesterday, finding his footing and his firmness again? He was dissolving.
“There’s no other option?” Céleste asked.
“None.” That single syllable emerged strained.
“Letmetrade the captain for it.” Céleste squared her shoulders. “It took you so long just to open the parcel; I can’t even imagine how it would feel having to use it for this.”
“I can’t ask that of you,” he said.
A bit of the fire he’d long admired in her returned, but it was tempered by the gentleness he’d come to depend on during this perilous journey.
“You aren’t asking it of me, Aldric. And, at the moment, I’m not even asking you to allow it. This is something I can do that will help.” She held her hand out for the parcel. “And Iwilldo it.”
He couldn’t bring himself to hand it over.
“Is this hesitation because you don’t trust me with it,” she asked, “or because you’re struggling to let it go?”
“The latter.”
She nodded. “Precisely why you need to let me make the trade. As difficult as it is giving it to me, giving it to the boat captain will likely be almost impossible.”
Blast it all, she was right. He was willing to make the sacrifice, to give up future freedom in order to save them now. But he would struggle. He might even, he feared, lose his nerve, and he would never forgive himself for that.
Aldric set the parcel in her outstretched hand, a weight settling in the pit of his stomach. After everything his mother had done to secure this gift andmake sure he could have it when he was in a position to need it ... he was giving it to the captain of a fishing vessel and arriving in England as powerless as he had been before her generous offering.
“We’ll wait here,” he told Céleste. Was there to be no end to the frustration he would feel with himself?
“Tonton Aldric?” Adèle’s little voice managed to soothe a little of his unhappiness.
“Yes,ma petite douce?”
“Will you tell me about the flowers again? The ones your mother liked that look like a star?”
“Do you like hearing about them?” he asked.
“Flowers make my heart feel less worried.”
He rocked her slowly. “Are you feeling worried?”
“A little.”
He stood there on the dock, rocking the sweet little girl, telling her about the rare flower he’d planted at his home, a flower that reminded him of Mother and a home that, in reality, belonged to his brother. He set his eyes on the sea, telling himself that gaining passage was a good thing, even with all it was costing them. Céleste would be making an exchange in that exact moment, giving away his mother’s final gift to him, and it felt like losing them both.
They were given the use of the ship’s small cabin belowdecks. For how much they had “paid” for it, they likely should have been given ownership of the entire boat. But they were on their way to England, and Aldric meant to focus on how important that was.
Adèle sat on his lap, playing with her little carved animals. She seemed to be feeling less anxious.
The sea was relatively smooth, which made passage less jarring but also tended to slow down the journey. They would likely arrive in Portsmouth the next day. That was a very long time to be sitting in a cabin with a little girl, whose entire attention was on an imaginary story she was inventing between a carved dog and a carved bird, and a lady whose attention was elsewhere.
