“That’s enough.” Rafe was stunned by the revelation that his parents were married. He’d lived his whole life under the assumption that he was a bastard, completely unwanted and unneeded. That belief shaped his entire existence. It was why he fought for everything he wanted, because he knew no one would give him anything, he had to take it. “Wait. No, it’s not! What happened to my parents?”
“Ah, I forgot to say. Sir Michael left Castle Dhustune, precisely for the purpose of joining the king and reporting all that happened. But on the way, he and his companions—he rode with only a few men, for speed’s sake—were killed in a skirmish. It was not certain if the attackers were masterless men, or a group sent by the rebel lords. But the result was the same.
“Lady Clare was devastated when she heard, and fled the castle herself, for she no longer trusted her own family to treat her well once they learned she married a knight from the opposing side and was carrying his child. She went to live with a tenant family she trusted, who lived far from the castle.”
“The Fowler family.” That was who raised him.
“Exactly. She went there because she had known the family since she was a young girl. At their home, she hid. She bore you, and named you Raphael, an angelic name like your father’s. She had sent word to my wife of the news—they had known each other, and Lady Clare trusted her. My Matilidis told her to come to us with the baby, that we would protect you both as needed. Clare was too wary though. She said she felt safer hiding with the humble tenant family. I think she would have been persuaded in time. But she died when you were only about two years old. I expect you never had any memories of her.”
“None.” Rafe always tried to forget his early childhood. Now he regretted doing so.
“You have her coloring, that same dark hair. But the eyes are your father’s gift, I am told. Even as an infant, you charmed everyone who saw you. A harbinger of things to come. When you were old enough, I sent for you. I hoped that by training you as a knight, I might give you the same legacy your own father would have.”
“So you wanted me here.”
“Of course! Who would leave a child among strangers if they could prevent it? I blame myself for withholding the partial news from you while you were a child, but I wanted to discover the whole story, in order to pass it on to you. Then my own brother usurped me here, and I thought I’d lost everything, all my connections to my blood and my friendships. In truth, I forgot about your difficulties in the midst of my own. And then you fled from Cleobury after my return. By the time I remembered how vital it was to speak with you, you were gone.”
Rafe closed his eyes, thinking of how impetuous he’d been. “I should have stayed.”
“Don’t berate yourself for what you might have done differently. It’s a fool’s game, and unwinnable.”
“I wasted years of my life, when I could have known the truth. I kept running. I assumed Alric sent men after me to drag me back to face justice for my crimes.”
“No, it was my doing. I asked him to help me find you…though he hoped to find you anyway, for his own reasons.”
“I thought you meant to punish me.”
“No, dear boy. I only wanted to give you what you should have already had. A name. Two names.”
“Michael and Clare,” Rafe said slowly, testing the sound of them.
“Wait, did I not say? His family name was Corviser, and he always used the device of the raven. A play on the Latin word for raven:corvus.”
Rafe laughed out loud. Had some remnant of his father managed to influence Rafe’s choice of the raven for his own symbol? He chose it all on his own, back when he was training with Luc and Alric.Rafeandravensounded similar enough that when his name was shouted across a practice field, or a battlefield, it often sounded like raven. But perhaps there was something more to it. Had his mother told him of his history when he was so young that he had no conscious memory of it, yet it settled into the recesses of his mind, ready to be called up?
“So I’m my father’s son,” he said quietly.
“Perhaps an angel took an interest in you, Rafe, though you always behaved like a young devil. You survived how many battles? Formidable fighter you may be, it’s not all skill that saved you. It was grace.”
“Grace, and having Alric and Luc to watch my back.” Rafe grew somber once again. “Where was the angel when I decided to betray my friends?”
“Closer than you think. You stayed your hand when the moment came, didn’t you? You could have killed, and you chose not to. You never truly lost your moral center. You just…muffled its voice for a while.”
“I need to think about this,” Rafe said, standing up. He felt light-headed, even dizzy. Was this how Angelet felt when one of her visions came upon her? Surely this story counted as a revelation?
At the thought of Angelet, Rafe suddenly found it hard to breathe. He had anamenow. He didn’t have to be just the soldier paid to escort Angelet across the channel. Now he could be more, if she would let him.
“I need to go,” he said to de Vere. “I need to find someone.”
“I know the feeling,” the older man said, with a smile. “Good night, Sir Raphael.”
Chapter 28
After Rafe had gone awaywith de Vere, Angelet lost all ability to focus on the simplest conversations at supper. She wanted to be in the room with Rafe. She wanted to hear what de Vere thought so important that he chased Rafe for months on end to tell him. She could only imagine that it was connected, in some way, to the fateful action he’d taken against Alric. But she couldn’t puzzle out what it might be.
As she often did when her mind was in a tumult, she sought the dim, silent peace of the chapel. The one at Cleobury was deserted when she entered that evening, since the priest had just celebrated the office of Compline, and would not return until the late night office of Lauds, following the endless, reassuring cycle of holy hours.
Out of long practice, Angelet lit one of the candles at the base of the altarpiece and said a prayer to Mary, asking for protection for her son, Henry. “I cannot watch over him, so I appeal to you, Mother of God. Though I am unworthy, I beg you for aid. I love him so, and all I want is to know he’s safe and well.”
