If Cassie is so mad at him, why did she want to park in front of our Airbnb? And if she’s the one who broke things off, would Luke be willing to start things up again? Apparently the two of us sleeping together in a bed is no longer a threat.
I pull myself together enough to hop in the shower and wash all the humiliation away before Luke gets back. I’ve just finished getting dressed when he comes through the door.
“Where’s Cassie?” I ask, eyeing the door as I help him put the food away. He didn’t get much for groceries, just a few snacks for when we’re on the road. Did he really need to gowith her to the store, or was it just an excuse?
“In her van. She mentioned that tonight might be another good night for the northern lights.”
I have to suppress a groan at the thought of spending more time with her.
“I don’t really feel like going hunting for them with Cassie, but you can if you want,” I say.
He pulls out a box of hot chocolate mix and hands it to me.
“She’s going on her own. So this is just for you and me.” He looks at me, the words sitting in front of us like he’s trying to tell me more.
“Oh,” I say, a bit too pleased to hear that he won’t be seeing Cassie tonight.
“Yeah, so bundle up and we can head out once it gets dark.”
§
We drive backout to the beach we were at earlier in the day and set up a blanket in the sand, sitting far away from the rocks where the birds nest. The night sky is clear tonight, stars already peeking through. When I check the app on my phone, the KP index isn’t high, but I’m hoping it’s still enough to see the lights streak across the sky.
I sit on the blanket we laid out, and Luke wraps me up in another one he’d taken from the Airbnb. He also pulls out a thermos that he’d prefilled with hot chocolate and offers it to me.
“How”—I stop myself. I was about to say how romantic, which is definitely not something you say to your best friend,even when it’s true—“thoughtful,” I finish, probably a little too late to sound natural.
Luke’s gaze lingers on me for a moment, and I wait for him to say something, cringing inwardly and wishing I could rewind and say just about anything else. He lets it go and comes to sit next to me, leaving a healthy gap between us. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to scoot over on the blanket until we were touching. I want to sit the same way we’d been earlier in the day, my head leaning on his shoulder. But that was when the sun was bright and he was trying to comfort me. The darkness feels too intimate for him to wrap his arms around me, no matter how badly I want it.
“Where did Cassie go to search for the northern lights?” I ask. I was initially relieved to hear she wouldn’t be with us, but once the relief passes over, I start to wonder if Luke wanted to go with her and just felt bad leaving me behind. She had been the one to break things off, after all. Am I just getting in the way now?
“The lighthouse that we went to earlier. So right over there, technically.” He points over my shoulder to the lighthouse that blinks a dim light above our heads. It looks a bit ominous from this distance, with the faintest haze between us.
It makes me wonder if Cassie knows we’re down here. If she’s supposed to be sitting next to Luke on the blanket instead of me.
Luke’s a good friend. Too good, even if it means putting me above anyone he dates. It makes me feel selfish, but even so, I can’t get myself to say anything to stop him. I don’t want him to stop putting me first. I want Luke in a way that feelsdangerous. It’s like the feelings have been festering in me, unknown, for years, and now that I’ve acknowledged them, they’re impossible to ignore.
“I’m sorry about how I ruined things for you and Cassie,” I say, my eyes looking toward the ocean. I know if I look at Luke, I won’t be able to say the words.
There’s a long silence, with the crashing of the waves the only sound. A salty breeze comes through, blowing my hair across my face. It’s a fierce cold that blows through, a sharp reminder from the universe that Luke isn’t mine to claim.
“You didn’t ruin things,” Luke says softly.
A long, rolling crash from a wave fills the void.
Does that mean the two of them worked things out while they were at the grocery store? And if they did, should it be Cassie sitting here? If she were here, would Luke have his arms wrapped around her rather than keeping a gap of space?
I glance back at the lighthouse on the hill. If Cassie’s up there, then she must have her van turned off, just sitting in the darkness. The valiant part of myself wants to offer to leave, to let Luke go join her.
I open my mouth to say the words, but I can’t. I need him here.
“Harper,” Luke says.
I turn to look at him. His face is serious.
“You had nothing to do with what happened between me and Cassie.” He says the words carefully and slowly, making me listen.
But it can’t be the truth, because I’m the reason it didn’t work out. Things seemed perfect between them until Cassiefound out we were sharing a bed every night.
