It’s like a spell has been broken.
“What time is it?”
“One a.m.”
It’s later than I expected. We’ve been talking on and off all night. I had no idea how much time had passed.
“We should probably head back,” I say, but it feels like admitting defeat.
Luke nods in agreement. The silence feels heavy. As wework together to fold up the blankets we brought out, neither one of us speaks. A few moments ago, it felt like we were closer than ever, but now there’s an expanse of unspoken words between us. It feels like something has shifted, but I’m not sure if it’s for the better.
Chapter 31
Luke
Harper is in bed before I have the chance to gauge her reaction to our almost kiss. Having let Cassie’s words get the best of me, I went into the night hoping to at least have a conversation about our feelings. Instead, Harper just wanted to talk about Cassie. I don’t know if it’s because Harper feels awkward about the whole thing, or if she’s still using Cassie as a wedge between us, trying to remind me that we’re just friends, despite what Cassie and practically everyone else in our lives may think.
After I brush my teeth and change into sweats, I look out the window one more time, hoping the northern lights might make an appearance, but the sky is dark except for the stars.
I really wanted tonight to be the night. I did everything in my power to make it as romantic as possible, and all I needed was for Mother Nature to cooperate and give me lights. Even when that didn’t work out, I was willing to cross the boundary of friendship and “make a move,” like Cassie had so strongly encouraged me to do.
Well Cassie will be happy now. I made my move and turnedmyself into a fool.
Harper has to know. Between the text message that I told her was a joke and me literally almost kissing her, she must know I have feelings for her—feelings she rejected, no matter how kindly.
I crawl into bed. Harper’s lying beside me with covers drawn all the way up to her chin. Her back is to me, and she’s pressed up against the wall to give me as much space as possible.
She clearly doesn’t feel the same way I do. It’s embarrassing, not for her—it’s just awkward for her—but for me. How long have I been longing for this girl who clearly wants nothing to do with me romantically? She felt so awkward about the whole thing that she even brought up the text message. If I got her to believe my lie before, there’s no way she believes it now.
So what do we do now? Survive this trip, pretending that I don’t feel this way for her? And then when we’re home, do things go back to normal, or will she slowly slink away out of my life to spare my feelings?
I hate the thought of it. No matter how things end, it’s a lose-lose situation.
I lie down and pull myself to the side of the bed, giving Harper the space she’s asking for, even though I so desperately want to wrap my arms around her and never let go.
Chapter 32
Harper
When I wake up in the morning, Luke is still asleep, his body curled up to the wall, probably exactly like I had been. My body is sore from staying in the same position all night, but I was afraid to move and roll into Luke.
I need space from him, but for all the wrong reasons. It isn’t because he did anything wrong, but because he does everything right.
Luke likes Cassie. Luke likes me, but not in the same way. Luke apparently feels loyal enough to me to take me out to a place that probably would have been better for him to take Cassie, but he didn’t want me to be alone and miss out on the northern lights, which didn’t happen anyway.
I climb out of bed and make my way over to the kitchen counter, trying to be quiet as I look for something to eat. We’ve been good about eating sandwiches for lunch and only eating out for dinner, but breakfast has been provided by the hotel. There’s a tiny bit of anger searing under my skin, thinking of how Luke went out of his way to go grocery shopping with Cassie but didn’t bother to grab anything for breakfast. I startdigging through the food cabinets of the Airbnb, surprised by how much previous guests have left behind, and find a box of pancake mix that’s practically brand new, and next to it, a jug of maple syrup.
I start cooking as quietly as I can, and then I hear a groggy voice.
“We have pancake mix?”
I jump a little, surprised to see Luke has rolled over. His hair is pushed to one side, his bed head making some of it stick straight up. He still looks half asleep, confused, and admittedly, sexy.
I stumble over my words. “I found it in one of the cabinets.”
Luke rubs his face, trying to wake up. He sits up, looking more closely at what I’m doing. “You’re eating someone’s pancake mix that they left behind?”
I blink and look at the pancake that’s in front of me. I checked the expiration date, but the packaging was already open and used.
