“So, no swimming,” I mumble.
Luke leads the way, taking us down a path that’s been madewith two-by-fours on the ground. The area is surprisingly quiet compared to other places we’ve visited in Iceland.
It doesn’t take long for us to find out why we can’t swim in the water. Even without the sign, I don’t think either one of us would have considered it, since before we reach the hot spring, there’s a huge plume of steam in the air. It’s not until we reach the wooden railing, blocking us from getting any closer, that we realize water is being shot out of one of the many piles of boulders and debris. The steam coming out is so thick it’s difficult to see the water without standing quite close. The steam reminds me of the trails that planes leave behind in the sky. This perfect white steam makes a thick trail as it floats off, eventually dispersing into the air.
The entire area is a boulder field of orange rock and sand, steam and mud bubbling out of scattered locations. There’s pools and small rivers of water around us, and even in the far distance I can make out small bubbles of steam everywhere.
We’re standing in the heart of a geothermal hotspot, and it’s so different from anything back home that it feels like a foreign planet.
“Doesn’t get much cooler than this,” Luke murmurs, his eyes roaming over the expanse.
“I’m kinda bummed, to be honest,” I admit.
Luke turns to look at me like I’m crazy. “What?”
“It makes me realize that’s there’s still so much to see of Iceland. I didn’t even know this place existed. If we just randomly stumbled upon this, then what else is out there?”
Luke nods. “So we drive around for the rest of the day until we find more cool stuff like this.” He gestures with his arm, butI don’t say anything. The trip has come and gone so quickly. Coming to Iceland was my bucket list vacation. Not only have I still not seen the northern lights, but I’ve also spent most of my time worrying about Luke liking me or me liking Luke.
What a mess.
Seeming to sense my wavering emotions, Luke gently elbows me. “We can always come back.”
The way he says “we” makes my heart flutter, but it’s a new brand of torture. I can spend one-on-one time with Luke, but he can never be mine.
“This trip feels more like the end of my adventures than the start of them.” I’m not sure what possess me to say it. Going home feels like an ending.
“Why do you say that?” Luke asks.
When I turn to look at him, he looks devastated, like I just broke some big dream he had. But it’s just my dream that’s been destroyed.
I want so badly to tell Luke everything, to tell him how I’m too afraid to lose him, but instead of hitting the final nail in my coffin, I talk about the problem that feels so simple now.
“I think I need to find a new job. Figure out something I’d want to do for the rest of my life.” I don’t know why the reality of this is finally hitting me. Back home, I was ready to suffer through work for a couple more months, years even. I thought the break from the country club would allow me to be eager to go back, but coming to Iceland sparked something else instead.
Luke smiles like he knows something I don’t. “No one knows what they want to do for the rest of their life.”
I shrug. “You’ve got it figured out better than I do.” I glanceover to him, and he’s scanning my face, like he’s trying to read between the lines of my words, which terrifies me. “You have a job that you like.”
That makes him drop his eyes, and he turns to watch the jets of water come out of the ground.
“You’ll find something. Even if it takes a while, so what?”
My thoughts move back to the conversation I had with Tom. He got discounts and planned trips for other people. I hadn’t given it much thought since that conversation, but even when I first heard it, the idea sparked my interest.
“I was thinking of maybe looking into becoming a travel agent,” I say, failing to mention that the idea came from Tom. No need to bring him up again.
“Yeah?” Luke says. The idea sparks his attention. A huge grin crosses his face, like I solved all the problems in his world, even though my career path doesn’t really affect him.
“Yeah. I loved planning this trip. It was fun. I figure, why not do it for other people and get paid while I’m at it?”
“Might be another desk job,” he says, eyebrows raised. “I know how much you hate those.”
I roll my eyes and shake my head. “I can deal with it if it’s fun.”
“Now you’re getting it,” he says, giving me a playful shove. It’s the same thing he’s done to me countless times before. Our entire childhood, we went back and forth, teasing and pushing each other. It defines our friendship, and now that friendship feels like it’s not enough.
The corner of my lips turn down, the moment suddenly feeling heavier. Luke notices the shift almost instantly, beforeI’m able to catch myself and plaster a smile on and pretend like nothing happened. We sit in the silence.
