We got into a fight when Luke was a senior in high school. Luke introduced me to his girlfriend, Emma. When she left, I told Luke point-blank that I didn’t like her. One, she didn’t seem interested in him, and two, she rolled her eyes whenever he talked. She looked at him like he was the stupidest person in the room. I had a theory she was only dating him to make another guy jealous. Luke wasn’t a fan of that theory.
“She’s just using you,” I told him.
He had stopped talking to me for a while after that. If I texted him, he’d respond with short, clipped answers and he stopped coming around.
That went on for two months, and it felt like a part of my soul had been yanked away. When Luke finally broke up with her, he came back around, but I was so mad I still avoided him for another week even though all I wanted to do was to run into his arms and yell at him.
Having feelings for Luke is dangerous. I know what two months without Luke is like. I don’t want to know what would happen if something happened to cause him to disappear from my life forever.
“Hungry?” Luke says, coming up from behind. I practically jump out of my skin. He laughs at my expression and offers ababy-blue box the size of my hand. I know what it is based on the smell.
“Cinnabon?” I take the box from him. When I open it, the smell of cinnamon, sugar, and warm dough fills the air, and I swoon. “You know my love can be bought with fresh baked goods.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I regret them. It’s something I’d say normally, but after reading the text, it feels inappropriate. Have I been leading Luke on? Was Dustin right about Luke? I thought he’d just been jealous or didn’t trust me, but now? Now I wasn’t so sure.
No. Luke and I are just friends. Life is simpler that way.
Luke picks up his phone, and I try to stop myself from making eye contact with him, knowing he must be reading the text. I direct my focus to the cinnamon bun, trying out my best acting skills to make it clear that I didn’t read the text message and that I’m still the naive, friends-only Harper he loves.
No. Doesn’t love. Love is the problem here.
“Harper?” Luke says, and I focus more intently on the cinnamon bun. Have I been caught? Is it that easy to read my face and know that I read the text message?
This isn’t a conversation I’m ready to have. In fact, I’m ready to get on that plane and pretend none of this ever happened. Just like the time Luke told me I looked beautiful, I’m ready to bury my head in the sand and ignore him.
My face is bright red by the time I look up at him.
His eyebrows are arched at me as he takes in my expression. I’m pretty sure I’ve got sticky cinnamon and sugar on my face too. So far, this trip is a disaster.
“Save some for me, Harper.” He laughs and reaches for the food.
I let out a huge breath, nervous laughter coming with it. I offer him the plastic fork I’d been using and pass him the cinnamon bun. We’ve shared utensils a million times before, but suddenly it feels too intimate.
Have we always been like this?
No wonder Dustin was jealous. Has our friendship gone on so long that we never noticed when the line for just friends was crossed? How long have we been operating like a couple without actually being a couple?
Luke offers the fork back to me, but I don’t feel hungry anymore.
Over the airport loudspeakers, we hear: “Attention passengers. We’ll now begin boarding flight FI630.”
My stomach feels like it drops out from underneath me. The reality of our situation hits me, and I can feel panic rising. Here I am, about to enter a plane with my best friend who loves me—who has loved me for I don’t know how long.
I swallow, my throat feeling dry and tight. I keep my face as even as possible. “I’m going to the bathroom before we board.”
“Are you sure you have time?”
Part of me hopes I don’t. That the plane will take off without me and that I won’t be flown off to a foreign country to watch my best friend change everything between us.
Luke looks like he’s about to stop me, but I walk away before he has a chance.
I run into the bathroom, swearing under my breath as I dart through the crowd that’s starting to grow near the boardingarea. I lock myself in one of the bathroom stalls, desperate for a moment away from all the people. I stop myself from banging my head against the gross bathroom door that has names of couples written on the stall wall in marker.
I spot the name Luke and have to hold back a laugh.
Oh, if only Ava could see me now.
Luke and I will be relaxing in hot springs, exploring the waterfalls of Iceland, and sharing a bed together every night. I thought we were going as friends, like we have for the many years we’ve known each other, but did he plan on making some romantic gesture? Corner me in a foreign country and tell me how he feels? He’ll ruin everything.
