“They always need new clothes for summer. Kade and Olivia are growing like bean stalks, and Hannah, well. She’ll need tons of new stuff for college.” Ada sat up, tucked herself under the blanket, and rolled over to wrap her husband in her arms. She felt the beating of his heart. She couldn’t believe she’d felt so nervous over the weekend, like something was wrong between them. What could possibly be wrong between Ada and Peter, a romance written in the stars?
“Do you think I need friends?” Ada asked Peter then.
Peter barked with laughter. “You have friends!”
“Not in Nantucket,” Ada admitted, wrinkling her nose. “Mom said I need to work harder at building a social life.”
“Kathy loves to tell people what to do,” Peter said. “But you’ve always marched to the beat of your own drum. And it’s not like you want friends like the ones you had in Manhattan again, right? Quinn and Jacques and all the rest? They’re outrageous. It was awful to see them all again. Don’t you think?”
Ada blinked at him, taken aback.
Peter tried to reel it in a little. “I mean, they’re great. Don’t get me wrong. However, they go on and on, being so selfish. They’re nothing like you.”
“Yeah. Maybe.” Ada pulled away and drew the blanket up to her chin.
“Hey,” Peter said. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” Ada asked. But her pulse was fast, and her hands were clammy.
The rest of the week carried on as usual, but it brought with it warmer weather and bright blue skies. Hannah was struggling through her senior finals, which took place a full week before the other kids had theirs. But because she’d already gotten into Vassar and was already bound to graduate, it wasn’t like Hannah was working that hard.
Hannah was now in the habit of driving Olivia and Kade to school in the secondhand car they’d gotten her for her seventeenth birthday, which was something Ada was grateful for. Before they left that Thursday morning, she hugged them all goodbye and ordered them to be safe. After that, she hurried to get herself ready and took off for the office. Katrina was up first.
Katrina sat before Ada, fresh-faced and confident. Her dress looked sleek and brand new, as if she had just had a facial or gotten a suntan. Ada couldn’t pin it down. She adjusted hernotepad on her lap and raised her chin to say, “Katrina, how are you? Natalie said you had to reschedule the other day.”
Katrina blushed and toyed with the hem of her dress. “I was sick, yes,” she said. “Thanks for accommodating me.”
“No problem. We all get sick.” Ada scrutinized Katrina’s face, marveling at how different the woman looked from the last time she’d seen her. Something had happened. “How have things been since the last time I saw you? Did you meet up with the Salt Sisters?”
“I did. They’re wonderful,” Katrina said. “Hilary Salt held a big dinner at her place so I could meet all the girls. They’ve all been through horrible things, Dr. Wagner. They’ve lost their husbands, they’ve lost children, and they’ve lost themselves. We talked for nearly six hours, going through the events of our lives. I realized how alone I’ve felt without women like that around.” She hesitated, then smiled. “Of course, I’m not ready to give up on therapy yet.”
“No. It’s an entirely different process,” Ada agreed. “But having people to talk to, an inner circle? It’s so important.”I’m a hypocrite, she thought.
“They’ve had husbands who’ve wronged them,” Katrina said. “Some of them didn’t find out about it till after their husbands were dead, like me. It’s a very particular feeling, one that I can’t articulate very well. I’m guilty for not missing him enough, but at the same time, I don’t think he deserves it.” Katrina was thoughtful, furrowing her brow.
“You’ve found a language of grief,” Ada said quietly.
“Something like that,” Katrina agreed, snapping her fingers.
For a moment, Ada thought that Katrina was going to go on and explain herself. Instead, she was quiet, a smile playing over her face, as though she were keeping a secret from Ada. But there was no use keeping a secret from a therapist. You either went to therapy, or you didn’t.
“What is it?” Ada said. “You seem…” She wanted to use the word “smitten” but thought it was too invasive.
“It’s the guy,” Katrina said, rolling her eyes at herself. “I’m sorry. I can’t get him out of my head.”
“Last time, you said you weren’t sure if you could trust him,” Ada reminded her. “What changed?”
“Everything changed,” Katrina said. “He really showed me that he wants to build something with me. We spent days together, talking and sharing our deepest secrets. You know, I think I learned more about him than I’ve ever learned about anyone. Even my ex-husband.”
“What did you learn? What appeals to you about him?” Ada asked.
“Well, he was married before,” Katrina said. “He said that his ex-wife was sort of lost. Like, he described it as, ‘she lost her identity along the way.’ It rang a bell for me. I’m guessing that my ex-husband felt the same way about me. Something about that made me forgive my ex a little bit. It isn’t attractive to be with someone who doesn’t know themselves.”
“Don’t you think that crises of identity happen to everyone?” Ada asked. “Marriage should have more patience than that, don’t you think?”
Katrina gave her a look of surprise that soon morphed into anger.
What was Ada saying? She wasn’t here to play the morality police.
