“Listen,” Ada said, taking a dramatic step back. “I want you to stop.”
Inside the bar, another jazz song had begun. Nina was back on stage, singing her heart out.
“Stop what?” Peter demanded.
“I want you to stop pretending. I can’t take it anymore,” Ada said.
Peter’s nostrils flared. It was clear he was going to pretend for as long as he could, for as long as Ada let him.
“I know, okay?” Ada said, freeing herself from the prison she’d let herself get locked inside. “I know you’re in love with someone else. I know you’re not happy. So please. Stop pretending you’re still in love with me. It’s the worst feeling in the world.”
Chapter Sixteen
It was the final week of August and the worst day of Ada’s life. The midsize rental van was packed up and ready for Hannah’s departure. Her first baby was leaving the island and heading into the unknown. Ada felt it like a horrendous pain in her stomach and chest, so much so that as she and Hannah did a final check of her bedroom, Ada staggered around like a much older woman.
“I think we got everything,” Hannah said, tugging at the sleeve of her brand-new dress. Her eyes searched the corners of the room, but there was nothing left here that she’d need in her college dorm. She’d left her old stuffed animals, and she left the heavier sweaters she’d pick up in October, when she came home for a visit. It felt so far away.
Ada tucked Hannah into a hug and let herself feel the crashing wave of sorrow, all before the clatter and crash of something downstairs breaking, and Kade calling out, “Mom?”
The spell was broken. Ada laughed and hurried down the stairs to find a breakfast bowl in pieces and Olivia and Kade arguing about who’d done what. Kathy stood at the counter with a glass of orange juice, her makeup perfectly done for the trip ahead. Now that she’d been living with the Bushners sincethe third week of June, she’d fallen into a nice rhythm and grown more or less accustomed to Kade’s outbursts and the sounds of breaking glass. Such was life with three teenagers. Ada suspected that Kathy relished the chaos, although she’d heard her complain about it to more than one neighbor.
Once in the van, which was big enough for all five of them plus Hannah’s stuff, Ada drove quietly to the ferry, trying and failing not to fall back into old memories of her daughter’s eighteen years on the island. Kathy pressed odd buttons on the radio and said, “I don’t really get pop music these days.” Hannah suggested they listen to Taylor Swift “because it’ll be my last time in a car for a while.” Kathy agreed. Apparently, after a late night spent with Hannah a couple of weeks ago, she’d come to like Taylor Swift as well. Hannah had walked her through all the lyrics she liked the most.
The drive from Hyannis Port to Vassar College took a little more than four hours, plus a handful of stops, so that Kade could use the bathroom and buy weird energy drinks. The rest of them bought water and light sodas, conscious of the sugar content. But Kade was a boy whose metabolism wouldn’t catch up to him till much, much later. It had been the same for Peter.
“Tell me about your roommate, Hannah,” Kathy said, careful as she twisted around to look at Hannah in the back seat. “Where is she from again?”
“Michigan,” Hannah said. “Her name is Adelaide.”
“What a beautiful name,” Kathy said. “You know what I told your mother to name you when she was pregnant?”
Ada groaned. “Here we go.”
“I told her to name you Rose. Wouldn’t that have been nice?” Kathy asked.
Hannah allowed for a thoughtful pause. “I like Hannah,” she said finally.
“Hannah’s good, too,” Kathy said.
“What time is Dad getting to Vassar?” Kade asked, clicking the can of Monster.
“He’ll be there in time for dinner,” Ada said, her voice firm. “He’s in surgery, so we’re getting Hannah situated and ready to go before he comes down.”
“Cool,” Kade said. He didn’t like to be the only boy.
The two Wagner women and three Bushner children arrived at the Vassar campus at two thirty that afternoon. They encountered seas of incoming freshmen and their parents, many of whom were sobbing just like Ada probably would be in a few hours. They parked the van in front of Hannah’s dorm and got out to check Hannah in, getting in line for the door between a family of five tow-haired children and an Asian couple with their quiet daughter. Kathy, Kade, and Olivia hung out by the van, watching the stuff and eating snacks.
Inside the lobby was a long table where dorm staff members handed out pamphlets, identity cards, keys, and other essentials necessary for Hannah’s freshman year. Hannah said hello in a meek voice, took what she needed, and nodded along to the information provided. Ada scanned the crowd, hunting for nice-looking girls who’d befriend Hannah and make her feel less alone out here. Maybe the girl with the corduroy pants and the braces? Perhaps the brunette with the horn-rimmed glasses? Maybe the trendy girl with the pigtails?How does anyone make friends?Ada wondered.
“What do you think?” Ada asked as they headed back outside to the van.
Hannah shrugged and remained quiet, as though she were too frightened to say how she felt aloud. Ada touched her daughter’s shoulder but quickly moved her hand away.
After a discussion about who would take what, they heaved Hannah’s suitcases and boxes up the stairs. Kade took more than he could really handle, and the rest of them carried smallerthings. Even Kathy took a backpack and walked gingerly up the stairs. Since her surgery, she’d healed remarkably. Sometimes Ada wondered why Kathy hadn’t gone home yet. She feared that Kathy had figured out what was going on between Peter and Ada and wanted to stick around to help when things fully exploded.
Hannah’s roommate wasn’t there yet, so Hannah opted for the bed by the window. “Lucky you!” Ada said. Ada stretched sheets over the bed and sat down to fluff the brand-new pillows while Hannah unpacked her suitcases and hung her clothes. Kade and Olivia were in the hallway, running up and down, inspecting the rest of the massive, old-world building. Kathy stood in the doorway, watching them and discussing asbestos.
“I don’t think there’s any of that here, Grandma,” Hannah said. And then, to Ada, she added, “Oh, by the way, Dad texted. He said he got out of surgery early, and he’s on his way.”
