“That is some lovely wrapping you’ve done,” Gerald says.
I nod, tilting the box up and down as I do so.The buzzing gets louder.The shaking intensifies.
As my arms struggle to hold Hyatt still, Fabia blurts out, “It’s a vibrator.”
Oh, thank the gods.“Where?”I lower the box so I can look around.If I can’t get laid tonight, that’ll do.
“In your box,” Fabia says.Before I can tell her that it is, in fact, a wasp, she adds, “Because, you know, Karl comes very quickly, and we thought it would be nice to help Ari’s mum still get her big O –not while they’re fucking together, of course, but afterwards.”
I cringe.Gross.That is not the image I want in my head.Karl getting fined for screaming once he opens the box though… Nowthatis what I’m here for.
“Ummmm… oh…” Gerald says.“How… polite.”
“Yep.”
There’s a moment of thick silence under all the buzzing.
“It accidentally got set off.”Fabia raises her arm at the elbow and moves it horizontally back and forth, going really fast.“It’s quite a powerful one.Very large, hence the size of the box.”She raises her thumb, her arm still jackknifing away.“Good for both holes.”
I’m going to be sick.Dear gods, I need to boil my eyes and then squash them.
“As you can see, it can last for quite a while, unlike Karl,and –”
“That’s okay,” Geraldsays.“I don’t need all the details.”Hetakes a step back.“I’ll go find some tape so you can open the box and turn it off before the magicin itruns out.”He winces.“In case she wants to use it tonight.”
Ugh.Yeah.Thatwould betheworst.No, wait.The worstwould bethinking it has enough magic left in it to last all night, only to have it slowly die on you.I mean, fair enough, a dead vibrator is just a dildo, but I do not have the arm strength to continue the pace.
Rounding on meas soon as he’s gone, Fabia places both hands on her hips.“I can’t believe you brought a freaking bee to the wedding!”Her eyes narrow into such slithers, I can barely see them.“Dear gods, do you have any idea how venomous they are?”
I lift my chin.“It’s not a bee.”
“The only thing more venomous is a –”
“It’s a –”
“Wasp!”
“Wa…” I trail off, suddenly realising it might not be a good thing to admit that.She already looks really pissed.Like, way more than usual.And I didn’t bring my flyer with me.
Her eyes narrow.Her jaw ticks.Drat.I’m so screwed.
“I found some tape!”
Oh, thank the gods.
Placing Hyatt’s box down on the table, I hurry past my scowling best friend.“Thank you, Gerald.We’ll sort it out ourselves.”
“Okay, but the first dance is over, so I was wondering –”
“Not now, Gerald!”Fabia snaps.
Blushing a deep crimson, he pedals backwards.I watch him go in sudden annoyance.I’m pretty certain he was about to ask me to the orgy, and Ireallywant to get laid.
“Dang it, Fabia.I’m pretty sure you just cockblocked me.”
Ignoring the most important thing right now, shesays, “Help me get rid of it before he comes back.”
Spinning around, I race towards the table.“What?No!He’s apresent.”I spread my arms out wide, desperate to keep her from grabbing him.I raised the guy since he was a larva.I mean, he’sdone nothing to show his appreciation of me,and he’s destroyed my house completely now, but he’s still my baby.
