Tears burning my eyes, I shove him again.
“For fuck’s sake, woman, just go to sleep.”
“No.Not until you tell me why you’re not angry.”
“I’m not.”
“But you want to be.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Fine!”He jerksup out of bed, throwing the covers onto the floor.“You want me angry?You want me to tell you I was so fucking pissed with you, Jace had to talk me out of charging you and Fabia with treason?”
Tears fall down my cheeks, but I refuse to flinch away from him.I deserve it.All this pain and anger.I hurt him.“Yes,” Isay.
Clenching his jaw, heshakeshis head, reignsin his control,andshutsme outonce more.“Just go to sleep.”
“No.”I shove him when he triesto lay back down.
Grabbing my hand, he yanksme onto my back and then rollson top of me.“Don’t make me do this.”
“Do what?”I growl.“You’re not doing anything!”I shakemy head.“I tried tokillyou.”My voicebreaks.My body trembleswith the pain of my own actions.Ican’tstand him pretending like nothing happened, like everythingisfine between us.
Itisn’t.
It’sbroken.
And damaged.
And unfixable.
But heishere.
And Ido notknow what that means.Idon’tknow how to begin to fix this.I need him to tell me.Because I have done everything I was taught to in Brownston, and I know it isn’t enough.It doesn’t feel like enough.The gap between us can’t be fixed with a simple, “I’m sorry,” and I want to fix it.I want to fix it so damn badly, but I don’t know how.
“Why are you here then?”I whisper, pleading with him to give me something I can do.
“I told you.”His jaw tightensagain.Fury flaresin hisvioleteyes.And pain, so much pain.
“Because I’m here?The woman who tried to kill you?That doesn’t make fucking sense!”
His lips crashdownon mine, robbing me of my next words.His tonguestealsinto my mouth, rough and angry and moving with all the trapped emotions hewill notsay.
Perhapswhat hecannotsay.
Lifting my head off the mattress, Istrainagainst hislips.My hands roam over his body, holding him to me, holding me to him, closing the gap between us in the only way I know how.
A shallow way when I want depth.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper against his lips, tears falling down my cheeks.“I’m so sorry.”
“Shut up,” he growls.“Stop fucking saying that.”
I flinch beneath his words, his harsh tone.My heartin mythroat, my pulse in my ears, I fear that thisisgoodbye sex.So I tearmy lips away from his,reachup, and slap his face.Hard.
He stills.A darkness poursoff him, enveloping me and making me tremble.But I refuse to cower.I refuse to let him push me away when he clearly wantsto be here.
