“I will return to Inverhall at once,” she added quietly, her gaze fixed on the staircase. “I believe I have overstayed me welcome. London and me, we are finished.”
“No,” Hugo pleaded, his heart still racing. “Please, wait. Elspeth. Let me gather my thoughts.”
But she was already moving, her footsteps quick as she began to ascend the stairs.
“I must collect me things,” she said, not looking back. “I daenae wanna spend another moment in this cursed country.”
He followed her, taking the steps two at a time. He was in her room before she could close the door, his hand slamming it shut behind him.
I cannot lose her.
“Elspeth, listen to me,” he demanded, his voice raw. “I am trying to talk with you. This is incredibly hard for me. Please.”
“There is nothin’ to say, Hugo,” she muttered, her back turned to him as she pulled a trunk from the corner. “Ye made yerself perfectly clear this mornin’ when ye snuck out before I woke. Nae a single word about last night. No congratulations, no speaking about the party with me. Nae to mention the mornin’ after…”
“I lied,” he declared. “I lied to you, and I lied to myself.”
“It doesnae matter.”
“I could not stand to see you go. The thought of losing you, of not having you near me… I sabotaged myself before you could hurt me.” He ran a hand through his hair, his desperation almost palpable. “It is a form of self-preservation, I think.”
“Hugo, that makes no sense.”
“I was so terrified. I have never felt this way about anyone, not since… not sinceher. I made a vow after that to never be so weak again. To never let myself need anyone. And you… You came here and undid all of it. Every wall I’d ever built, every fortification I’d put in place, you just, you tore through it like a hurricane. And I hated it. I hated feeling so vulnerable. I tried to push you away because I was so terrified of how much I wanted you. You rattled me.”
“That doesnae make it alright!”
“You were magnificent last night. Not just the way you carried yourself, organized the party of the century, or raised so much money for those in need. You looked impossibly beautiful in that green dress. I could not take my eyes off you, much as I cursed myself for it! You are my every fantasy, you haunt my dreams! Is that what you want to hear?”
Elspeth turned to face him, her eyes flashing with a mix of anger and pain. “So what, then? Ye thought ye would break me instead with yer cold words? Ye thought ye would be a coward and run from yer happiness?” she spat. “Ye think ye are so noble, keepin’ a vow made in a moment of pain. But all ye have done is cause more of it. And not just for yerself!”
“I know,” he admitted, his voice thick with shame. “You are right. You have always been right. I am a coward. I am terrified of wanting you, but I do. I want you entirely, Elspeth. I want all of you. Every single part. I will get down on my knees if you want me to.”
He stepped closer, reaching for her hands.
“Oh, Hugo,” she whispered.
“What I said the other morning, it was not true. I cannot let you go. And what is more, I do not want to let you go. All I have ever wanted was to maintain control, but with you, I am powerless. All I want is to make you happy.”
He took a deep breath, his gaze unwavering.
“I love you, Elspeth. I have fallen completely and irrevocably in love with you. Please, do not leave. Stay here. Not as my responsibility, not as a guest, but as my wife.”
Elspeth stood utterly still, seconds of silence feeling like minutes as Hugo held his breath.
“And what?” she asked. “What makes ye think I will even consider such a thing? After everythin’ ye have put me through, I dinnae deserve that, even though I understand why. Takin’ me from Inverhall, that night in the inn, all the mixed signals you have given me!”
Hugo took her hands in his and kissed her knuckles, brushing his lips over them tenderly, reverently. “Because I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I will prove to you every single day that I am worthy of your forgiveness and your love. Just tell me what to do.”
A corner of her mouth twitched.
“What would ye do, Hugo?” she asked.
“Anything,” he replied at once. “I will let you lead your life on your own terms. I will support your work, your causes, and everything you want to do. I will give you Inverhall back, no questions asked. You can have as many muddy garden parties as your heart desires. You can give as much money as you would like to St. Jude’s. I have more than I could ever spend. There is just one thing.”
“And what is that?”
“I will never let you go. You can live on your own terms… as long as I am a part of your life.”
