“Notcompletelydisappointed you came back alive. Ithink.”
I wince. I wasn’t intending to keep our little detour from Veridius anyway—if he says he’s trying to prevent a coming Cataclysm, I’m not going to be the one to withhold information—but I would have much preferred to disclose, rather than admit. Like Ulciscor, I need him to remember that he’s earned my mistrust and that he can’t sanction me anymore. It would have been far better for him to see this as me standing up to him, not sneaking around behind his back.
“What do you think it meant?” Eidhin, curious. No need to guess at what he’s referring to. I assume Aequa’s already filled him in on the details she remembers.
“I don’t know. ‘Gate defences’ has to be related to that device past the Labyrinth. That was called a ‘gate’ in the inscriptions.” I wrack my brain. Combing through the words for meaning. “But the rest … I just don’t know. I’ve never heard of thesanguis imperium”—the Vetusian translates to something like “blood command,” I think?—“or the Nexus. Whatever in all hells that is.”
When I look up, Aequa’s gaping at me. “You understood what you were saying?”
Before I can answer, the door to the infirmary opens and Veridius strides through. Formal toga, hair neatly brushed. Grim and as properly presented as I’ve ever seen him inside the school.
“Vis. You’re awake.” He almost sounds glad. Almost. “Aequa and Eidhin, I need to speak with him in private—”
“They can stay.” It comes out as a croak, less authoritative than I’d have liked.
“No. They really can’t.”
Veridius’s voice brooks no argument. I give it anyway. “They’re gods-damned staying. I don’t talk unless they’re here. I’m going to tell them whatever you tell me anyway.”
Veridius looks about to counter when Aequa gets his attention with a wave. “We’re gods-damned staying,” she reiterates calmly.
Frustrated anger in Veridius’s bright blue eyes, so rare and quick that I almost think I’m imagining it. But Aequa’s a Quintus as well, now. Veridius still has seniority, but it’s a fragile thing, far more nebulous. Certainly not enough to let him simply order her from the room.
“What do they know?” he eventually asks me unhappily.
“Everything.” Everything relevant to this conversation.
He’s not pleased. Studies Aequa and Eidhin, who return his look boldly,before sighing and sitting on the bed next to mine, shaking his head as some of the tension drains from him. “How are you feeling?”
“I have a headache. Nothing worse.” I sit up, almost disproving the point with a wave of light-headedness.
He nods with what seems to be gentle, unaffected relief. Then his brow furrows. “Rotting gods, lad. What were you thinking?”
“That I wanted answers.”
He glances at Eidhin and Aequa again, then closes his eyes. Thinks. “I cannot fault you for your mistrust,” he eventually grants carefully. “And I cannot fault you for your anger. But you are a smart man, Vis. Some part of you knows that I am not the enemy here. And if there was ever a time to put aside emotion in the interests of repairing whatever was broken between us, now is it.”
“Put aside emotion?” Energetic enough now to put force behind the words. “You sent Belli todie.”
“I sent her to run the Labyrinth. She trained for it, and she did so of her own free will in the pursuit of something far bigger than her. Than either of us.”
“But you knew what would probably happen. There were others before her, too. None of them made it back.”
“And they were the same. I sent them to—”
“You sent them to die!”
“I sent them toSAVE US!” Veridius roars the words. Stands. Something snapping in him, his façade finally gone, all fury and pain as he towers over my bed. “Why can’t yougraspthis? Do you think I wanted them to fail? Do you think it doesn’tbreakme inside, Vis? This all started with me losing my two best friends, but Ikeep on goingbecause I gods-damned have to! Because this is theONLY WAY!” He screams the last at me.
I do all I can not to cringe, and meet his outrage with the colder steel of my own. Eidhin is on his feet. Aequa’s eyes are wide and black, and her every muscle is taut. For an eternal moment, no one moves.
Then Veridius grimaces, sagging back into his seat, head bowed. The threat in the air dissipates.
“It tears me apart, Vis.” All raw, aching sorrow now. “Every single one gods-damned tears me apart, and now I think you’ve achieved what I’ve been trying to do all this time and all I want is for you tolisten. Will you justlisten?” He raises his head wearily to look at me.
I’m as shocked as Aequa and Eidhin look—I don’t think I’ve ever seen Veridiuseven raise his voice—but I do my best to conceal it. To appear unaffected as I answer with cautious assent. Even now, I don’t know whether this is real. Itfeelsreal. Authentically visceral. But then, the Principalis has always come across as genuine.
“And you two?” Veridius glances at Eidhin and Aequa. They both nod, though Eidhin’s is typically brusque.
