Nosey fucker. Where he had been hiding in the shadows for our conversation, I didn’t know. He could be dead silent when he wanted to be and sometimes, like today, that was annoying as hell. Besides, he should know better than to spy on me with Eva. He knew how much I pined for her more than anyone because he’d been subjected to listening to me bitch and moan about it our whole lives. And even though he had taken a blood-oath to protect me. Something he took way too seriously, I thought. He was my friend first and foremost.
“Leave it alone, Luka,” I growled. I knew what his thoughts were on the matter between Eva and me. I didn’t need a reminder.
While we had all been friends when we were younger, Luka and Eva had never warmed to each other. There were times it seemed like they were both fighting over who had the right to stake a bigger claim to my friendship. It was a preposterous concept, but both of them were brutally loyal and protective. Dare I say they were somewhat jealous as well? Both had good intentions, at least I believed they did, even if it caused friction between all of us. With Eva and me… Well, Luka hated it. While he couldn’t harbor any ill-wishes toward her since she was the heir, he definitely didn’t like to spend any more time with her than necessary. If anyone asked, he’d tell them it wasn’t his place to have an opinion on the matter, and I guess he was right because gods it was annoying when he did.
Luka stalked from the doorway and sat in a chair near me. I bowed my head, still replaying the conversation between Eva and me. How I wished it wasn’t all so complicated. He cleared his throat, breaking me out of the prison in my head.
“I meant nothing hateful by it, but even you couldn’t have predicted she would pluck up the courage to ask you to escort her. Especially given how tense things have been the past few weeks between the two of you. You’re being too hard on yourself,” he said, reclining himself back in the chair, his feet crossing at his ankles.
Luka had been right. I didn’t see her swallowing her pride and coming to me. I would have asked her anyway because it was something that we had always done. It was just an unspoken rule that we were always each other’s escort. Neither one of us cared for these sorts of events anyway, so it was nice to be miserable together. I couldn’t complain that it came with the bonus of her dressing up and looking so damn beautiful, either. I was already having regrets about escorting someone else, but I had little to say in the matter, anyway. It was a signed contract at this point. I couldn’t go back, no matter how badly I wanted to.
Despite everything, I’d let myself be talked into a ludicrous plan. My father had called me to his chambers the other evening and I was surprised to see the king in attendance as well. They had sat me down and told me what they needed me to do, and I agreed to it out of spite. It hadn’t been long after the fight I had with Eva. Maybe, just maybe, I wanted her to feel what I had felt; what it felt like to want something that you couldn’t have. But I was the fool. That plan would only work if she wanted to be with me, and even if she did… I had a shitty way of provoking her. I didn’t know if she would forgive me for what I had to do, but it was my shit to wade through.
“Despite what you did or didn’t mean, it doesn’t change how I feel that I’ve hurt her–or fuck, let her down even,” I said. My shoulders seemed to fall at those words. Ihadhurt her, even if it hadn’t been intentional. I saw the look on her face before she pulled it into her carefully polished mask. The look she let no one see because she didn’t let anyone close enough.
Except for you, a voice whispered in my mind.
Yeah, except now I’d fucked it up.
Luka leaned forward, legs uncrossing so that he could place his arms on his knees. I knew what he was going to say before he opened his stupid mouth. “What about all she has done to you over the years? Leading you on? Leading you into herbed? Damien, you’re too soft with her! You’d give her anything that she asked for, but would she return the favor to you?”
He was right. He was always right. But love didn’t care about any of that. No, love was a fickle bitch, and she would screw you without even looking back.
Eva didn’t lead me on, though. She never promised me anything and was always crystal clear about where we stood. It was my own foolish heart that tricked me and made me believe we could be something more, and gods did that ache.
“Whatever this is between Eva and me, she has always clarified that she couldn’t give me anything more than what she currently does. It’s on me, I haven’t moved on, and I-”
“That’s bullshit and you know it, Damien,” Luka said quietly.
Was it?I didn’t think so. She had always been adamant that no matter what we felt for each other; we weren’t mates, and she was more than aware I’d always hoped for a mate. I had hoped the damn bond snapped into place withher, and if it wasn’t her, then at least I would be free to move on. It would have given me the opportunity to walk away from her romantically, no questions asked. But I was no closer to finding a mate than I was to become a king, and I knew that if she asked me to… bond be damned, I’d be with her in a heartbeat.
“I love her, Luka. I always have, and I think I always will,” I admitted. My head hung low as I ran a hand through my hair. That female would be my undoing. I knew it and so did every other person in this kingdom. Hell, it was blatantly obvious to anyone around me.
He came over and rested an arm on my shoulder because he knew what I felt for her wasn’t something that I could just get over. He had watched our interactions since we were children, but it was easy to pass it off as a childhood crush when we were younger. Now, over three hundred years later, I still pined for her.
“I think… I think you need to have a serious conversation before the ball before you surprise her. The conversation that you two had, opened some serious wounds. You both are struggling, Damien, and if you don’t get ahead of this, then it will put you both on a path that you can’t come back from.”
“I know, but I don’t think that she will be so understanding when I tell her what I agreed to do.”
“Well,” Luka said. “I suppose there’s only one way to find out.”
8
EVA
The evening of the ball had finally come around. Since I had found no one to be my escort, not that I had I even tried, I was being escorted by my father. As heir to Helia, it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. However, this meant that I would be forced into more unwanted dances and discussions from males that had been deemed eligible than I would have with Damien at my side.
I was still feeling confused from when he told me he was going to be escorting someone else tonight. Of course, I’d wanted to find out who it was. In fact, it was damn near torturous at some points. Briar didn’t even know! I’d even considered the possibility that he had lied to me. Maybe he wanted nothing to do with me. If that was the case, I didn’t care if he was going to be there tonight. Which was a major lie because now I was going to end up dancing with some middle-aged man that definitely had bad breath.
There were moments when it seemed like Damien wanted to talk to me about something, but every time he opened his mouth, he changed the subject to something vague. Hmph. He wasn’t man enough to admit his mistakes, and I would not spend one minute worrying about the situation.
Although I still felt off balance without him, I had no choice but to move forward. I had canceled our training for the day, since Briar was going spend most of it fussing over my appearance, anyway. Damien seemed to understand, even if he looked disappointed, which was an added benefit of the cancellation.
Even though I hated balls, I loved the outfits I got to wear. I didn’t consider myself a lady by any account. Most of the time, I would be happy to run around in breeches and loose-fitting tunic, but there was no way in hell I was going to get away with that. But now and then? I wanted to make my mother proud and become the queen she had trained me to be. There was also the added benefit of stealing the breath from every male in attendance. Maybe that made me cocky, but who cares? Not me.
My gown for the evening was made from a black satin material and decorated with gold filigree around the bodice and sleeves. The back scooped down to expose my lower back, which allowed a breeze to dance along my skin. It hugged my body in all the right places, which was an added advantage I enjoyed showing off. Briar twisted my hair away from my face and neck into an elegant, braided crown. She placed a golden gem-encrusted diadem in front of my braid. I kept my jewelry simple, so as not to make my appearance too busy. Tonight, I wore moonlight earrings from Damien, along with a golden necklace that had black diamonds hanging from the band.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror, smoothing down imperfections in my gown. A knock at my door broke me out of my haze.
