“You’ve also almost caused my demise a time or two.” Matthew rolled his eyes, which seemed to only encourage Kalen.
“Aye, probably so. Care to spar?” He got up and danced around on his feet, which was just absolutely ridiculous.
Matthew scoffed. “Absolutely not. I’m a distinguished gentleman now.” He placed his hand in the middle of his chest.
Kalen rolled his eyes and sat back down. “You really are no fun anymore. Haven’t even made any trouble since the attack on Angoria, oh and when you kidnapped the princess here.” He waved his hand at me.
Matthew stared at me expectantly. I already knew that he was involved in Angoria, but it felt different hearing someone else say it. I looked down at my plate and pushed the food around solemnly.
“Shit. Was that a secret? I kind of figured that she knew. Orion’s a crooked bastard. Gods know he would want to twistthatstory.”
“What do you mean?” My voice was sharp. I looked over at Matthew. His head was hung low, and he was keeping his eyes on the ground.
“Well, I figured you knew about Angoria–that we were involved…”
“No, I knew all of that. I meant about Orion.”
“Oh. He’s just a prick, that’s all.” But Kalen was looking nervously at Matthew before he shrugged his shoulders.
I couldn’t let this go. “No, that’s not what you meant.”
“Eva…” Matthew started, but he stopped and ran his fingers through his hair. “There are things you don’t know, things that I can’t tell you yet.”
“Why?” My body felt icy at his admission.
“Because it isn’t the right time.”
“Anytime is the right time to tell the truth, Matthew. You’re keeping things from me; you’re always keeping things from me. Godsdammit. Just tell me the truth for once in your life.” I didn’t want to play a game anymore. Why was it so hard to tell someone the truth? And to say that it wasn’t the right time? Was there such a thing?
“Eva, I can’t. Not right now, at least. I just need you to trust me,” he pleaded. I could tell in his voice that he thought that whatever he was doing or keeping from me was because he thought it was right, but that changed nothing for me. Ineededhonesty.
I shook my head, standing up from my seat. Matthew and Kalen didn’t make any move. They only stared at me. “I can’t be here,” I whispered and turned around and ran.
I could hear their shouts behind me, but I didn’t stop. I didn’t know where to go; I wasn’t familiar with Matthew’s estate, but I needed fresh air. Even if I was already outside, I felt like I was suffocating. I was so tired of people keeping things from me like I was a child. I knew that running away itself was childish, but I wouldn’t be gone for long. I just needed to be alone with my thoughts for a moment.
I wandered into the garden that Matthew and I had visited before I was taken back to Helia, the one right off of his bedroom. It really was gorgeous, just like the rest of the place, of course. I expected nothing less. There was a small water fountain and a bench underneath a large willow tree. It seemed like the perfect place to escape, especially given the faint glow given off by the rest of the house and the moon in the sky.
I laid down on the bench and laid my arm underneath my head. I curled into myself on a protective instinct and cried.
I wasn’t sure why I was crying. Maybe it was just everything that had happened in the past month and a half. Maybe it was because of the irreparable damage that I had done to my relationships. Maybe I just missed my mother. She would have known what to do. She always did. She was the only person who I felt like I could fully trust, and she was gone–she had been gone for so long that I forgot what it felt like to be wrapped in her arms. The thought only made me cry harder.
I didn’t hear the footsteps at first; they were soft on the dewy grass. I knew it was Matthew, though. His sweet scent wafted through the air as he drifted closer. I felt as he sat down at the opposite end of the bench. We sat in silence for a moment, but I wanted to be closer to him, needed to be closer.
I sat up and switched sides, laying my head on his lap. He tensed momentarily before resting his arm on mine and tracing slow circles on my skin. The tenderness in his touch only prompted me to cry harder again.
“It’s okay, darling. Let it out.”
And so I did.
I let all the pent-up frustration, anger, and sadness pour out of me through my tears. I cried for those that I lost and those that I was likely to lose in the future. I wasn’t sure how there was still anything left of me by the time that I was finished.
Matthew stayed by my side through everything. Though, occasionally murmuring soft words to soothe my aching heart.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
He stroked the side of my face with his fingers, and I shuddered at his touch.
“Why are you sorry, Eva?”
