“I’m not judging, Kalen. I just don’t know why you feel compelled to hide it.”
He paused, placing his hands on his hips as he stared at me. “I’m not hiding anything. I just don’t want you to get ideas in your head.”
“And what ideas would those be, exactly?”
“That we are in love, or whatever it is you’re thinking.” I rolled my eyes, and he cut me off. “Oh, don’t lie. I can see it written across your face, the way your eyes light up when you believe you’ve figured something out.”
I walked a few steps, noting how the caverns glowed around us. “So… What are you two then?”
“Ren is… We’re friends. Best friends.” He paused, rubbing the back of his neck. “And sometimes we sleep together. That’s all.”
“I knew you had an arrangement of sorts,” I mused. “But are you sure there are no feelings there?”
He snorted. “Eva, I’m sure. Don’t make this into something it isn’t.”
Kalen said nothing further as he ushered me into the small chamber to our left. We walked down a long corridor, noting the temperature drop with each second that passed until we could easily see our frozen breath in the air.
“I hate the cold,” Kalen grumbled, rubbing his hands together. “I got more than enough when we were on the run trying to find a way back to you. This is as close as I’ll get to freezing my balls off.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. “I could see you hauling ice down from the Praeya Mountains, distributing them to the small villages below.”
He stopped, gaping at me in horror. “You mean to tell me I look like a traveling ice peddler?”
I leaned over, gripping my stomach from laughing so hard. “No, but you should have seen the look on your face! It was well worth it.”
“You’re a cruel, vicious woman, Evalyne.”
It was then I realized we’d come to a halt before a large door. Along the top were blessings in the old language—prayers for a peaceful journey into the heavens, offering tranquility to those experiencing loss. I had become familiar with them when my mother passed, though I laughed at the time because I felt no tranquility, no peace. I felt nothing but anger and pain. The gods might as well have abandoned us, and I no longer knew why I had ever prayed to them if they would not listen.
Kalen pressed a hand beneath a small hole, triggering the latch. The soft springs holding the door clicked open, the sound seemed all too loud. I knew what I would find if I looked inside—darkness—not a flickering candle or lantern to be seen. Stepping over the threshold, however, would illuminate the room in a soft white light, the result of an ancient spell placed upon the preparation room.
If I stepped inside, I could no longer hide from my sister’s death.
Kalen gripped my hand. “Together,” he said, taking a step forward. Then, with my heart beating out of my chest, I followed him inside.
It was just as cold as I remembered. Not only the air. There was a distinct separation between life and death that could be felt in the soul. My sister was the only person here. Her body laid atop a smooth stone slab, her head resting upon a soft pillow, lustrous hair spilling around her. A silk sheet lay draped over her nude body.
“Queen Ciena placed an enchantment over her, a way to preserve her body until you were back. Briar tried to come down and prepare her, but your father was adamant about you doing it.”
Her hands were clasped above the sheet. Had it not been for the environment, I would have assumed she was simply resting. But, no matter how much I willed it, her chest would not rise, and I was met by an unbearable silence.
“There are so many things I would do differently, Kalen,” I whispered, taking Erina’s hand in my own. It was so cold. Stiff. Even though I understood it was natural, it didn’t stop the heaviness of her death from hanging in the air around us. Erina was full of warmth in life. In death, she was the opposite. It felt sowrong. “We were awful to one another growing up. Honestly, I don’t know how our parents tolerated us. We didn’t understand each other the pressures we were under individually. I know she thought I wanted attention, to be vapid and vain, but she was wrong. I took on all the royal duties—fighting, attending meetings, escorting my father on political visits—I did all of that forher.Soshecould live the life she wanted, but—” I looked down at her face. “I failed. Miserably. And now, she’s gone and there is nothing I can do to bring her back.”
Tears spilled over, raining down my face as I collapsed over her body, still clinging to her hand, which hung limply off the edge of the table. Kalen came around behind me and ran a large hand down my back as he spoke softly. “Erina knew how much you loved her, Eva. She understood what you did for her. And I can tell you she had the same regrets you have now, but she loved you very much. And though this isn’t the outcome anyone wanted, I think she would have gladly given her life to protect you if she had the choice again.”
I scoffed. “She didn’t choose this.” I said, standing and gesturing to her body. “She didn’t ask to die or sacrifice herself for me. She was murdered. Brutally. Lachlan wanted to send a message thatnoneof you are safe. He wanted to show me just how deeply he could hurt me.”
“That may be,” Kalen countered. “But that morning, before everything happened? Erina and I talked about our lives. I told her about my past, and she let me in on hers. And let me tell you something, Eva… She loved you—fiercely. And while there was no reason for her death other than Lachlan’s malice, she would have done anything to protect you. She knew how much you loved her, regardless of your past.”
“I let her down,” I sobbed, unable to breathe. “I should have done something. I should have stopped him, somehow, or in some way. But I did nothing.”
Kalen forced me to look at him, his eyes bearing down on me like the general he was born to be. “You’re going to listen to me, Eva, and you’re going to listen well. There wasn’t a godsdamned thing you could have done to stop it. Lachlan would have done worse if you hadn’t released him. He chose Damien to land the killing blow because he knew it would hurt you the most. And he succeeded. Don’t let him have your guilt as well. He has taken enough from you.”
He has taken enough from you.
I didn’t meet his gaze as he wiped away my tears. I knew he was right, his words echoing in my head, but I couldn’t bring myself to accept it. Not yet. Maybe never. Because guilt still warped my mind from my mother’s death. My father’s insistence that I be the one to prepare her body felt like a punishment. I knew better than that, though.
It was considered an honor to be chosen to prepare a body for its final journey. Ceremonial waters, supposedly blessed by the Goddess of Death, would be brought in for me to wash away her mortal life—offering her protection as her soul traveled to the afterlife. She would wear the colors of our land, navy blue and silver, to signify her allegiance to her kingdom, and I would adorn her with a crown and jewels. It wasn’t necessary, but she deserved the recognition and respect worthy of a Princess of Helia.
