I dipped my head. “Please speak freely. Don’t censor yourself on my account.”
Eva’s shoulders sagged as she continued. “Matthew and I had an argument, and I panicked because it reminded me of how you and I were. Because you wanted to control me, control my actions, and I cannot live like that again. Even though I know he meant nothing by it, the trauma you caused—it remains. And then I ran out.”
I had to catch my breath, the pain in my chest spreading from the sharpened arrow of her truth. It took a moment for what she’d said to register. “You ran out?”
“He was looking at me as if I’m broken. Like he wanted to fix me and I don’t know if I can be fixed. Is it fair that this man is shackled to me for the rest of our lives? He did not choose this. He did not choose me. The fates did! And that was before everything happened. I was a different person then.” She turned around, her body sliding down the bars of the cell. “I don’t know how to move forward like nothing happened. Everyone treats me as if I am fragile. Perhaps I am after this, but it makes me want to set the world on fire and watch it burn.”
Her shoulders shuddered, and I realized she’d begun to cry. But what could I do? I was the last person to offer her comfort, least of all because I was confined to this cell. My heart broke as I listened to her soft sobs. “What did he say?” I asked softly. “Does he know you are here?”
She exhaled. “Gods, no. Do you honestly think he would have allowed me here unaccompanied? Not only for my safety but to ensure I didn’t filet you on the spot? He wouldn’t dare.” I winced at her honesty, knowing each word she spoke was true. “He’s kept a watchful eye on me for days—even more so since we returned this morning. But he didn’t have time to speak with me this evening. In fact, the entire palace is most likely searching the grounds for me, given the uproar Matthew caused as I fled.”
“I would have thought I’d be the last person you would like to see,” I mused, stretching my legs.
Eva laughed. “You are. And don’t think that just because I’ve come to visit that it changes anything, because it doesn’t.” I knew, and yet it still stung. For a moment, I’d allowed myself to hope this might have been an attempt to move past what had happened. I was a stupid fool. “But I had nowhere else to go. At least, not where he couldn’t find me. This is the last place he would expect, and therefore it will be the last place he will check.” She sighed. “I just needed space. Somewhere to breathe where I wouldn’t be completely alone. And maybe seeing you is a test. To see if I can control myself after all.”
Chills ran along my skin. “And how is that working out for you?”
She turned around, meeting my gaze. “Well, I haven’t killed you yet, have I? That must count for something.”
I managed a grin. “I suppose it does.”
She studied my features, searching for the hint of darkness I’d been enthralled in and seeming to find none. Even I had little idea what I had looked like during that time, remembering only flashes of my period in captivity. Renai had told me bits and pieces—that my eyes had darkened. The blue had dulled to a quiet gray until that day in the throne room where they’d gone wholly black.
“What is the last thing you remember, Damien?”
I scoured my mind, trying to recall my last memory through the fuzz of the past few months. So many people had asked me, but nothing made sense until the question came from her. “It was after you’d been taken. Possibly the next night, I don’t know. My father,” I hesitated. No, he was not my father. My father was most likely dead, having given his life to secure Lachlan’s reign. “Well, Lachlan I suppose. He’d called me to his chambers to discuss the search party for you. He told me he knew where to find you and asked if I was willing to do whatever it took to save you.”
Eva inhaled sharply, a tear falling down her face as I continued. “I agreed. You know I would have agreed to anything without a second thought, because you mean more to me than everything else in this fucked up world. He asked me to swear an oath to him, and I remember thinking it odd, but as I said… I was willing to do anything. So he cut both of our hands and placed them together, asking me to recite a promise back to him. But that is where my memories bleed into one another. There are moments that are clearer. For instance, the night in your bedroom, the one where you burned me. The beginning is clear, but then it fades. That is the last thing I remember—being terrified and thankful you had returned to me.”
How different would things be if I had not made that oath to an imposter? Would he have claimed me one way or the other? Or would I have remained free to make my own decisions?
Would Eva still be with me?
I knew the answer to the question. No matter the circumstances, Eva was destined to be with Matthew. My actions may have sped up the process, but in the end it would have always been him. I couldn’t hold her to any promises we’d made to one another, because a mate came first. I’d been adamant in the past that she was it for me, but it was all a lie. For I knew she was never really mine. I was terrified of losing a friend, and in the process I might have damned us all.
“You say you would have done anything, but did you swear fealty to Lachlan in order to bring me back? Did you know what you were getting into as you made a promise to the dark king?” Her voice broke. “Did you mean to kill Erina? To take her from me so I would stumble and fall?”
“Gods, Eva, no! Absolutely not. I didn’t know—”
“Hard to believe, Damien. For a man who says he would do anything in his power to get me back, it would make sense you would do this.”
“I swear to you on my life, Eva. I swear to you, I did not know Lachlan had been using my father’s body, nor did I swear fealty to him. And I would do nothing to intentionally hurt you. For fuck’s sake, I would cut out my heart here in front of you if it meant it would bring Erina back. I would do that for you, for her!”
She said nothing, letting my declaration settle between us. I hadn’t lied. I would easily end myself if it brought her joy. Though, it would not work. Death would never assuage death. Though she might not feel it, Eva was full of love and life and happiness. There was a mask of strength she put on for the world, but those of us who knew her saw a different side. One more vulnerable.
“Then how do you explain your actions? How was Lachlan able to control you without you pledging your allegiance to him?” I had no explanation because I was unsure. She continued. “Please give me something. Some kind of redeeming quality within you because from where I am, there is none to be seen. The man I knew would not have committed these horrors, but perhaps I didn’t know you as well as I thought. Perhaps everything was always a ploy for you to obtain me as your property.”
“If you honestly believe that, you’re more stupid than I ever took you for.”Fucking gods.The words had left my mouth before I could stop them. “Is that really what you think of me? Youknowme, Eva. YouknowI would do nothing to harm you.”
“I thought I knew you. I really thought I did, but when I look at you all I see is the man who stood over me with a knife and caused me to bleed. The man who tried to break me—who possibly succeeded. The man who took a whip to his best friend and bloodsworn. The man who killed my sister.”
Silence stretched because words failed me. There was nothing I could say because I had done all of those things, even if my body wasn’t my own. “Telling you how sorry I am will do nothing to soothe your pain, but I hope in my death that you can forgive me.”
“When is the last time you’ve eaten or drunk anything?” she asked quietly, locked in on my chapped lips.
I blinked, surprise rippling through me as she changed subjects so easily. As if asking about the weather. I shrugged. “This morning I was offered a moldy bit of bread and had the pleasure of watching my water being poured on the floor.” I nodded to the canteen hanging on the wall. “That is from yesterday and is empty.”
The flame in the lantern flickered as a current of air lifted the canteen off of the wall and brought it to Eva. She unscrewed the lid and let her hand hover over the opening. A small stream of water poured in, the sight making my mouth water before she closed the lid and used her magic to bring the canteen to where I sat. It landed in my lap with a thud, and I opened it greedily. The water inside was crisp and delicious, like a fresh spring on a clear day.
