Needing fresh air, I traveled along the winding river, watching the small otters play on the other side of the bank. It was peaceful here. The first glimpse of it I’d seen in days. Most of the city was still asleep from the late festivities of the night before. A few scattered people ambled along the city’s edge, either to fall into a deep slumber when they finally reached home or stumbling to work after a night of frivolity.
As beautiful as it was, nothing was quite enough to temper the fear raging inside of me. A fear that Eva would want nothing to do with me and would continue to push me away as though I meant nothing to her. I hadn’t known what I was thinking when I’d spoken out of turn, as if her choices did not matter. It was the furthest thing from the truth. Everything she did mattered. I’d regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth, and the look on her face had told me everything I needed to know.
I was an absolute fool, and it would take time for her to open up again.
How did I not see it? And why couldn’t I stop letting my innate need to protect her get in the way? Of course, she would need independence! She needed freedom to find herself once again after immeasurable loss. She was so close to the edge, to giving up, and had tried to remove herself from this horrible world when she believed it was the only option. And yet here I was, acting like an ass and expecting her to just simply be okay.
I should have done things differently, both when we found each other again and when I’d taken her to the cottage. To what end, I did not know. But was this my fault? It felt that way as she’d stared at me in fear the night before.
Up ahead, atop a grassy hill strewn with wildflowers, sat my mate. Her black hair was unbound and wind-whipped, the wild locks tangled and messy as they flowed down her back. She still wore my robe, had curled herself inside of it as she rested her head on her knees, and looked out over the land. The coldness in the air tinged her cheeks with pink, but she was still the most breathtaking vision I’d ever looked upon.
I said nothing as I approached, knowing she would sense my presence before any words left my mouth. I lowered myself to her side, her body stiffening at the nearness, before she relaxed once more and continued to gaze down on the estate below.
The river glistened below, shining bright as diamonds while the sun reflected off the surface. On the other side stood a small farm. A large cottage stood in the middle of the plot, a barn to the right filled with livestock. There was a smaller fenced yard with a garden full of vegetables. Children played in the enclosure, chased around by a black and white shaggy dog. They dashed back and forth, throwing a stick and laughing as the dog followed suit and brought it back and dropped it at their feet. On the porch, a gentleman sat outside, smoking a pipe. Though we were far, the smell of peppermint tobacco scented the air, drifting along the breeze. He smiled as he watched them, undoubtedly reminiscing about his days of youth. A woman came out, placing a rag over her shoulder as she stood next to the man. He placed a hand on her back, both of them sharing a knowing look before she returned into the house.
It was simple, but it was beautiful. They had all they needed and more because their hearts were full to the brim with love. Eva nodded in their direction.
“My sister and I used to play with their daughters, Isolde and Franny. Their mother, Mary, was a maid. She was actually in charge of Briar. She taught her so much. They were friends,” she said, a wistful look on her face. “And their father, Isaac, was in charge of the stables. He was the happiest man I’d ever met. Always smiling, giving sage advice—the kind only fathers can give.” Eva smiled, watching the older man on the porch before continuing.
“Isolde and Franny both died in the war, along with Isolde’s husband, Baelor. Ever since I received the news, I’ve been too stubborn and embarrassed to approach them. The children down there are their grandchildren. Mary and Isaac took them in after their village burned to the ground.”
I shook my head, my heart heavy. “I’m so sorry, Eva. That is… That is horrible,” I managed, running a hand over my face.
“I don’t know why I came,” she said, wiping her nose on the sleeve of the robe. “I suppose I just wanted to feel closer to those good memories after everything that happened. To Erina, to Franny and Isolde, to Baelor.” She looked at me, her red-rimmed eyes hollow. “I failed them, Matthew. I fail everyone in my life.”
I rose to my knees, taking her hands in mine and bringing them to my chest. “Darling girl, that is the furthest thing in the world from the truth. How can you believe that?”
Tears streamed down her face, the tracks leaving a trail of sadness in their wake. “Because everyone around me is dead or dying. If you knew what was good for you, Matthew, then you would run as far away from me as possible. You would run and you would never look back. I am poison and ruin. I will bring you nothing but death.” She sobbed, pulling at her arms but I did not let go. I would never let go because this was it for me. My future, my present, and my past. She was here in my arms.
My grip tightened as I pulled her closer to me. I would not abandon her in this time of need. The wind picked up around us, her grief spiraling out of control.
What should I do? What should I do?Over and over, the question haunted me. I only had mere moments before this hill went up in flames.
Without thinking, I closed my eyes and willed my shadows to envelop us. They danced from my fingers, slithering over the ground and into the air, creating a near perfect orb of darkness around us. Tiny specks of light mingled above our heads as mist trickled down from the sky and fell against our skin, hissing as the water came in contact with Eva.
The shadows swirled around us, intertwining with one another to snuff out the flames as they flew in the air wildly. I closed my eyes as fire burned within her throat and shot out of her mouth to penetrate the orb. The atmosphere changed, my breath coming out as small clouds as the temperature in our sphere dropped. There was no scent; the smell of the grass and wildflowers were gone now.
Eva thrashed against my hold, panicking over her loss of senses. “Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!” But I couldn’t. Iwouldn’t.
“Darling girl, I need you to take a deep breath for me. Can you do that?” My shadows encircled her wrists, sending currents of chill air over her skin to her pulse points as they sought to comfort her. She’d been sobbing hysterically, hyperventilating, and now could not take the deep breath she needed in order to regain control over her body. I gripped her face between my hands. “Breathe, Eva,” I said, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Breathe for me, darling.”
Eva’s chest stuttered against mine, but slowly she sagged against my hold. My arms no longer barked in protest, fighting her every step of the way, and she wrapped hers around my neck and clung to me. Her sobs had quieted, but still shuddered through her as the remnants of her panic subsided.
“Do not leave me,” she repeated over and over again in my ear. “Do not leave me.”
I held her close to me, pressing my cheek to her temple as I whispered back, “Never.”
* * *
“What happened?”Renai said, rushing to my side as I carried Eva in my arms through the back entrance of the palace near the barracks. I’d released Bronwyn, letting her scout ahead and alert Renai of the need for discretion.
Eva's eyes were closed, her breathing shallow. After her expenditure of power, she’d collapsed. The way her eyes had rolled back and how she’d gone limp had terrified me, sending me into a panic. I told Renai as much as we hurried to her rooms. Told her how my shadows had wrapped around us both, protecting us and keeping us from prying eyes.
“They’ve never donethatbefore,” she murmured, rushing ahead to alert the guards to open the door. They did so in an instant and we swept in. I laid Eva gently on the bed, pushing back her sweat-soaked hair. Renai rushed into the bathing chamber, bringing back a damp cloth to drape across her forehead.
Briar came rushing in next, pushing me out of the way to check Eva. She shared a look with Renai, one I didn’t quite understand.
I walked away, placing my hands on the chest of drawers and flexed my shoulders. My whole body ached as I felt the power she’d thrown into my shadows. It had taken everything I could to keep them strong. Thankfully, it had been enough.
