I cleared my throat. “It would seem our friends and family believe we moved too fast in our relationship.” Eva smiled hesitantly. “And they would like me to take a step back and give you space. They believe it would be a good idea to court you properly, the way we should have done if the circumstances were different.”
Her smile slowly disappeared.
“What does that entail?” she asked. I could hear her heart pounding erratically in her chest.
“I suppose it could entail whatever we would like it to. Your wellbeing is my top priority, and if I am causing you any pain, then I will give you whatever space you need.”
She sat up quickly, her towel falling away, but she did not hesitate as she grasped my hand. “I do not wish for you to leave. Not now, not ever.” Her forehead fell against mine as she moved to straddle my body. It was an effort to keep myself centered and not lose myself in her, but this was about her and her needs. “I only worry I am not the woman you fell in love with. The woman you mated? She is different from the one standing in front of you. If she is who you wish to spend your life with, you will set us both up for a life of disappointment.”
I clasped her head between my palms and tilted her face up so I could look upon it. “I have never wanted anyone but you. Whoever you are, it does not matter.” I placed one hand on her breast over her heart, feeling the thrum of life. “This. This is all I require. But Eva, you are never alone. I will love you with every fiber of my being, with all that I have. Have I made you feel otherwise?”
A small tear fell from the corner of her eye. I quickly wiped it away, pressing a kiss where it fell.
“You have not, but there is something inside of me that tells me I will no longer be enough for you. You did not choose this version of me, and I do not know if I will ever be able to rebuild what was broken.”
“I do not care,” I whispered, pressing another kiss to her cheek. “I do not care, but I promise you I will help you in any way I can.” I placed a small kiss on her forehead. “You are it for me, Eva. You are my past, my present, and my future.” And this time, my lips met hers. Softly at first, but my darling girl increased the pressure.
Her tongue darted out, dancing across my lips as I kissed her. “I only want you. All of you.”
“Just be patient with me,” she whispered against my mouth. “I am trying so hard to fight those demons in my head, Matthew. The ones that tell me I am not worthy of you, that I am broken and ruined. Just please…” She kissed me again. “Please be patient.”
“I swear it,” I said, laying her down and climbing on top of her. Our kisses were soft, though heated, and it did not take long for our clothes to be shed. I made my way down her body, pressing a kiss to every scar I found in its wake, ensuring she understood I would never leave her, and I didn’t stop until my own insecurities were laid to rest.
Chapter14
Eva
Standing outside the council room, the hallway seemed to close in on me. Dread seeped into my bones as I stared at the large ornate door before me. Once I stepped inside, there would be no going back. We were on the precipice of war, and the decisions made here today would decide the fate of us all.
Council members, advisors and rulers trickled past me, each staring curiously. The hushed whispers reached my ears, but I shut them out quickly before I was tempted to make a run for it. I knew what they would say, how they would make accusations and assumptions once I’d taken my seat beside my father.
With official war councils, heirs were typically not invited unless they were assuming the throne. Even though I was to be queen of Helia, there’d been no official plans made to pass the crown. The men in this meeting would call that into question. They would undoubtedly assume I’d run away from my duty and my kingdom the day Erina died, but that could not have been further from the truth. Though I owed no one the full story about what had happened to me over the past few months, the conversation would be inevitable.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
“Don’t let it affect you, darling,” Matthew said, stepping behind me and dropping a kiss onto my shoulder. “You belong here.”
His words bolstered me, assuring me that I was not alone. I tugged at the sleeves of my dress out of nervous habit. Briar had returned this morning, and we’d carefully curated my outfit for this meeting. I was still uncomfortable with the message it sent.
The dress I wore was a deep blue, darker than the depths of the sea. The soft velvet hung off of my shoulders, draping down the lower half of my back and baring my skin to the balmy air. My scars were on display, and the thought caused my skin to crawl. But we knew the men would require proof of the crimes Lachlan committed.
The dress flared out at my hips and fell in soft waves along the floor. On my stomach, the Helian crest was embroidered in shining silver thread that had been specially created to reflect a subtle light.
There were two statement pieces in my ensemble, and they were my favorite parts. The first was the crown given to me the previous night, carefully laced into my hair by Briar. The raven at the center was the perfect symbol of my relationship with Matthew and our dedication to one another.
The other piece was the subtle black armor Briar had snapped into place on my shoulders. Connecting black chains hung down my back where a sparkling blue gem dangled between my shoulder blades. The armor, while beautifully made, was more for show than anything else. It would offer little protection in the event we were actually in combat, but the message it sent spoke volumes.
We would not back down from the threat of our enemies.
Matthew pressed a kiss to my neck, intertwining his fingers with mine. “I will be at your side no matter what, Eva.”
“No matter what?” I asked, nerves fluttering in my stomach.
He smiled against my skin. “Even if you tell them the sky is red, and the sea is green.”
I couldn’t help but smile as he squeezed my hand. “Well, that is reassuring.”
My father arrived, offering a nod to both of us as he stepped beside me. We had not spoken since I’d returned, Matthew sending Renai to report about my wellbeing. Physically, at least.
