Matthew placed his hand on my back. “It did. Of course, it did, darling, but sometimes people cannot cope on their own and they turn to vices in order to make up for what they’ve lost.”
“That is what cowards do,” I seethed. “Cowards turn and run while the world is going up in flames around them, and my father is not one of them.”
“No one said he was, Eva,” Luka warned. “Don’t put words in our mouths to make us out to be the villains here. We’re simply giving you the facts. He isn’t a coward, but heisa broken man. Your father hasn’t been fit to rule for sometime now, butyouare. You can lead us to victory, to give our people hope for a better future.”
I met his gaze. “I am no better than he is, and you are delusional if you believe that.”
“By the gods, Eva,” Luka said, leaning back in his chair. “You’re so unbelievably stubborn. How do I make this clear to you?” He paused, thrumming his fingers on the table. “You don’t have a choice. The preparations have already begun, and your father is tired. He is done, and he wishes to live out the rest of his life, helping you succeed and seeing the end to this madness.”
“Darling, you will make a wonderful queen,” Matthew said, pressing a kiss to my temple. It did nothing to assuage my fears, nor calm the beating of my heart.
I turned to him, eyes watering. I was not ready, did not know if I would ever be ready. “But what if I am not, Matthew? What if this is a terrible mistake and I only lead us to ruin?”
“Eva, that would never happen. Listen to me. To us,” he gestured at Luka. “We would never put you in a position that you were not ready for, but the time has come to assume your birthright.” Matthew clasped my hands together and looked up at me. “You will lead us all to greatness, topower. You are the key to winning this war. We are proud to stand by your side.Iam proud to stand by your side.” He reached up and cupped my face gently and I leaned into his touch. “You can do this, Eva. Even when you believe you cannot.”
I studied the charred print on the table, nothing more than a taste of the power I held in my veins. It was so easy to lose control, especially in a time of such uncertainty. And perhaps that was the problem.
I’d never done well with the unknown. It was terrifying. My mother used to tell me it was beautiful and exciting, but I never believed it. Especially not as she lie dying in my arms.
I was on the brink of choosing yet another unknown path. If I assumed the throne, would I have the ability to stop the rising panic? Or was our destiny already intertwined with death?
Briar bustled through the door, whistling a tune I vaguely recognized. She paused, taking in the scene that laid before her. I quickly wiped away the tears before she could see them, and although she watched me closely, she said nothing.
“Eva, dear,” she began, straightening her posture and holding out her hand. “Come, love, we must get you ready.”
I hesitated, looking at Matthew. He gave a small smile, one saved just for me, and nodded. “Go on,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “Let us prepare for you, my queen.”
* * *
As I lookedin the mirror at the person staring back at me, I felt an endless, empty void opening in the chasm of my chest. I saw the desolation in my eyes, the dark hollows of my cheeks. There was no beating heart. No hopeful joy or even the ache of sorrow. No, this was something I’d never felt before—a certain detachment from what was happening in order to keep me from losing my head.
Briar did what she could with cosmetics. A false, rosy shade pinked my cheeks and my lips were painted the color of blood. She lined my eyes with kohl, sweeping the black line out in a tip as sharp as a blade in battle. But, I supposed that was not far off.
Politics could be as deadly as any battle, and taking over for a reigning monarch, especially one as beloved as my father, was sure to raise red flags. It did not matter how much I pleaded with Luka and Matthew. Neither of them seemed as concerned as I was.
Part of me hoped my father would come to my rooms, explain his reasoning once more and tell me he had changed his mind.
But he never came.
He said he had failed to notice what was happening around him, but he was not alone. How long had he turned to the false comfort of vices to numb his pain? Why had he never turned to me so that we could mitigate our shared pain together?
Yes, he lost the woman he loved, but I had lost the woman who birthed me, lost my sister. I loved them too. Could the experience of one loss truly be that different from another?
I felt as if I did not know him. For years, decades really, I had tried to speak to him about my mother. Each time, he shut me out and shifted the conversation onto something else. It would have been easy to turn to me; to tell me what was going through his mind and let me share the burden of our trauma.
But he turned away from me and kept me in the dark, sharing none of the struggles he faced. I felt betrayed after decades of lies; lies I didn’t even know about until today.
“You will wear your small tiara when entering the meeting,” Briar said, bringing over my silver diadem that I often wore for everyday meetings. “When your father announces his resignation, he will ceremoniously place his crown on your head. Of course, this won’t be your official headpiece, you will design that yourself, for each monarch creates their own, but…” she shrugged, “it’s tradition.”
I smiled and nodded for Briar’s sake, but there was no spark of emotion inside. She’d worked so hard to turn me into the perfect princess, the perfect queen. Tonight was no exception.
We had kept my wardrobe simple, opting for a long, satin navy gown that hugged my figure in every right way, showcasing the dips and curves. The neckline dipped in-between my cleavage. She’d styled my hair in loose curls, pinned back with a raven hair clip.
It had been my only request.
Matthew came up behind me, slipping his hands around my waist. He looked resplendent in black, the color actually adding brightness to his golden skin. He ran his nose along my shoulder, inhaling the spiced lavender oil that Briar had dabbed on my neck. “You are a vision,” he whispered, lust and longing dripping from his voice. His eyes traveled to where Briar bustled on the other side of the room. He dropped his voice lower. “If we did not have an important meeting to get to, I would drop to my knees and worship your aching cunt until you came all over my tongue.”
A shiver went down my spine at his utterly filthy words, but he was right—I was aching for him and he had just touched me for a moment.
