I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I responded. It wasn’t lying, not entirely. He pressed a soft kiss to my temple, and left to speak with the healer and Eva. He shot me a worried look over his shoulder, but I didn’t notice. My attention remained on Damien’s barely rising chest.
“We should call Ciena,” I said softly, biting at my nails. The others glanced in my direction as I pushed off of the wall. “She understands this better than anyone. Perhaps she knows what happened.”
Eva worried her lip, crossing her arms over her chest. “I agree. It is likely the best shot we have.” She looked at Damien lying in bed. “We need any information he can give us.”
There was something in her callous tone that set anger flaring in my chest. “Yes, theinformation. That’s what we cannot risk losing,” I said bitterly. “Not the life at stake.”
Eva approached me, leveling me with a deadly stare. One she must have perfected over the years when dealing with those who doubted her. “Do you have something to say to me, Renai? Have I offended you in some way?”
“I understand your hesitations about him, and that he hurt you more than any of us can imagine—”
“You donotknow. Nor will you ever.” She laughed, something bitter and hollow. “Until the man you thought you could trust above all, the one who is your best friend and confidant, betrays you in every way possible, and takes away every scrap of hope you possess, you cannot even begin to fathom the pain he put me through.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “He wasn’t in his right mind and you know it. I’ve been the one who has spent countless hours in his company, watching as every horrible thing he’s done has eaten away at him, piece by piece. And let us not forget thathewas the one you turned to as you ran away from Matthew. Funny, isn’t it?”
Luka swung the door open, stepping in between me and Eva, her eyes burning gold. “Eva, let me take her out of here to cool down.” She didn’t move, didn’t back down until he stepped in front of her and grasped her hands. “She meant nothing by it.”
“Fine,” she said, turning back toward the healers. “I will summon Ciena so she can look him over.”
I allowed Luka to pull me out into the hall. Kalen quickly followed, gripping my elbow and pushing me into a darkened corner out of earshot.
“What the fuck was that?” He hissed, his fingers biting into my upper arm.
Gods, what was I doing?Surely the stress of the day had just gotten to me. That explained my attitude and actions.
Kalen’s eyebrows shot up as he stared at me. When I didn’t answer, he shook me. “Renai?”
“I don’t know.” He stared down at me again, waiting for me to continue. I said nothing, feeling as though I’d let everyone down.
“Bullshit,” he said, a look of concern gracing his face.
I smiled again, feeling more confident in my ability to mask my emotions. “I think I just need some sleep. You’ve been keeping me up with late night activities.” I pushed his shoulder, a piss poor attempt at flirting that he wasn’t buying.
Kalen glanced around the corridor and lowered his voice. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I won’t judge. I won’t harbor resentment.” He leaned forward and whispered in my ear, “And I will not be jealous of the feelings you possess toward your captive.”
My body shivered, ice cold water dripping through my veins at his words. Feelings? Toward Damien? That was surely the furthest thing from the truth. Kalen must have lost his mind, because what he was suggesting was insane.
The person I had feelings for was standing right in front of me. The truth of that realization hit me harder than I wanted to admit. But it was stupid and foolish. We had never crossed that line, but it was blurring every single day. Somewhere between the soft touches, sweet kisses, and spending every night in each other’s arms, I’d fallen for my best friend.
I pulled away from his hold, laughing him off. “What an imagination you have, Kalen,” I said, wiping the small tear away from my eye. How it had gotten there, I did not know. Perhaps from laughter or perhaps it was my body’s reaction to how scared I was over my realization.
He didn’t let me off so easily. “Ren, I know you. I’ve known you for many, many years and I’ve only seen you like this once before.” I cringed at his words, bitter memories assaulting me before I could push them away. “You’ve been unfocused, and distant. And what you did in there?” He pointed back toward the healing room. “You would have never done this before. In fact, you should be thankful you and Eva have a good relationship, or else she could have called for your removal.”
I looked up, alarmed. “Myremoval? On what grounds?”
“Ren, be serious. You were openly hostile to a royal—to thequeen. No matter what you think you did or did not do, you know better than to speak to her like that. It has nothing to do with your friendship with her, because she has to set an example for everyone around her, especially given the transition of power. She cannot look weak.” The appraising look he gave had me shrinking back into myself. He was right, and I hated that he was right.
I had let my feelings—whatever they were—get the best of me. “You’re right,” I said, rubbing my temples. “I should apologize to her. I—I don’t know what came over me.” But Kalen did not move out of my way. Instead, he crossed his arms and blocked my way again. “What’re you doing?” I asked.
He chuckled, his muscles rippling down his arm as he moved. “Absolutely not. You aren’t getting off that easily. Let’s talk about yourfeelings.”
I rolled my eyes, pushing past him. He moved to grab me, but I maneuvered around him. Luka and Matthew were standing just outside the door to the healing wing. They caught our eye, mumbling something to one another as Kalen dragged me over.
“What is happening?” Kalen asked.
Matthew and Luka both stared at me, and I knew Luka had informed Matthew of my conversation with Eva. I opened my mouth to say something, to apologize, but Matthew held up his hand. I shrank back as disappointment flashed in his green eyes.
I felt like a child who had gotten into trouble. Kalen looked at me, brows furrowing before he wrapped one arm around me and guided me back to my rooms. It was a silent walk. Neither of us had anything to say, at least nothing that hadn’t already been said.
