I ran a hand through my hair before replying, “Forget about the rest. The should-have-been or could-have-been play no part in the here and now.” I looked up, squinting against the sun. “It’s a difficult thing to do. Hell, I know I still fall prey to that kind of thinking, but there’s something amazing about taking control of your life. What’s important is that you are here. This work you’re doing? Regardless of why, you are making a difference.”
We sat quietly together for a moment, listening to the sounds of the bustling city and palace around us, before she turned to me. “Do you believe someone can atone for their past? If they have made mistakes?”
“I do.”
Her lip trembled. “But what if they were horrible mistakes? What if they cost some people their lives and ruined others? Do you think someone could be granted forgiveness for something so awful?”
The sun suddenly seemed too hot, like a burning flame along my skin. What could she have possibly done to warrant this reaction? Surely she couldn’t have committed the atrocities that flashed through my mind. But from the way she was acting, I’d have thought she had.
“I think,” I said slowly, “that if someone had done awful things in their life, it could be forgiven as long as they tried to make things right. We all make mistakes, some larger than others, but it is how we act after that which defines us.” I nudged her with my elbow, attempting to lessen the frown creasing her face. “I mean, look at me. Do you think I’ve never made mistakes?”
She shook her head.
“Exactly. I know I made mistakes during the previous war. Mistakes that cost lives, and I’m not stupid enough to think I won’t make new ones during this one. But I learned from those experiences and vowed not to make the same mistakes twice, and I’ll do the same again and again. The key is to never give up.”
Illara didn’t speak, mulling over the words in her head. I reached over without thinking and grabbed her hand. “I don’t know what is going on up there,” I tapped her temple, “but whatever it is, I can help you through it. If you need a friend, a shoulder to cry on, or an incredibly handsome man to make you laugh…”
Her answering snort of laughter cleared some of the darkness from her eyes, though they still held haunted shadows within them. “You certainly think highly of yourself, don’t you?”
I winked. “Wouldn’t you if you had my sparkling personality?”
“I suppose you’re right,” she chuckled, shaking her head. “It’s impossible to stay melancholy in your presence, Kalen.” Her smile faltered. “You’re a good man, and you deserve great things.
“Eh,” I shrugged her off. “Enough about me. What did you call me here for?”
“Oh,” she said, blushing. “Well, I had intentions of telling you to leave me alone and stop trying to talk to me in the hallways.”
“But let me guess… You took one look at me and told yourself you couldn’t stay away?”
“No, you ass.” She rolled her eyes before sighing. “Okay. Perhaps that is one reason I changed my mind. But it also is nice to have a friend outside of those two. Someone I knew in a previous life.”
“Does this mean you may actually deign to speak with me?” I asked, placing my hand on my chest in mock astonishment.
“Well, if you keep it up, I may change my mind.” Illara took off her gloves and tossed them in the dirt before rising. I pushed off the ground, extending my hand toward her. The feeling of her soft skin against my calloused palm felt comforting in a way I couldn’t explain.
“I should probably get back to work.” She gestured at the plants in front of her. “Ciena will need these, and I need to tend them before they’re ready to be mixed in.”
“Right,” I said, rocking back on my heels. Illara turned around, busying herself with each bundle before I found the courage to speak again. “Wait!”
Illara turned over her shoulder. “Yes?”
“In the event that you don’t change your mind and decide to avoid me again, I was wondering if I could—”
“Kalen!”
Illara and I both glanced behind me where Ren had strode into the garden toward us. I’d hoped a good night’s sleep might have calmed the storm raging inside of her, but judging from the look she gave me, I’d say my hopes were for nothing.
“Good morning, Ren. To what do we owe the pleasure?” I asked, leaning against a stack of wooden crates.
“A raven came for you this morning,” Ren said, looking around the garden. “It was marked as urgent. I was passing by when the postmaster received it.”
Illara studied the two of us, her lips pursing. “Well, I have work to attend to.” She turned to Ren and I, dipping her head slightly. “It was good to see you both.”
“Wait,” I called, but she’d already taken the plants toward Ciena and began laying them out on a workbench next to her. I ran my hand through my hair. “Thanks for that,” I said, nodding in Illara’s direction.
Ren raised a brow. “Me? What did I do? I was just delivering a message.” But she looked over at Illara, her eyes traveling along the female as if she was a threat that needed to be observed.
I turned away and began walking toward the large aviary where the ravens were kept. She followed me, keeping up with my furious pace. “She was finally speaking to me, and I was going to ask her to dinner before you interrupted.”
