She raised her hands. “I would not put it past you. And not because I think you are stupid, so do not give me that look, but because you do not trust me.”
I didn’t object. She was right—I didn’t trust her. Not after everything she’d done, how she’d lied to me for years and was working for the man I hated most in this world. “You haven’t given me a reason to trust you yet.”
Arabella leaned back in her chair, fingers playing along the stem of her drink. “Have I not told you how to cure Damien’s sickness? Have I not given you warnings regarding Lachlan’s plans?” she asked quietly. “My knowledge is bound just as much as Damien is. And I do not have the same hope for a remedy. He’s had his claws dug into me for so long that I still have to remind myself I am not his any longer. Even now I am left with a reminder of the torture I’d endured over the years. My eyes still linger with his darkness, a permanent stain I cannot erase.” She gestured toward the discoloration in her eyes, the unique black and gold design that had been jarring at first, but inevitably drew me in to the familiar cocoon that was Arabella. But I couldn’t think of that right now.
“It isn’t as simple as that. You can’t undo a fucking century’s worth of damage with a few tidbits of information. And Damien has not been cured yet, even if we are closer than we were before. I’m limited as to what I can do with your warning. You told us to prepare our forces. We’ve done that, havebeendoing that. Your information is not anything new,” I scoffed, leaning forward to brace my elbows on the table.
Arabella’s brows furrowed. “What would you have me do, Kalen? Waltz into the palace and tell them everything I know?”
My anger rose with each second. “Yes,” I said, not giving the answer any thought. Because for me, it was that simple. It wasn’t rational or even possible, Iknewthat, but it didn’t change the fact that I still believed it was the best course of action.
She laughed. Even though the sound had become hardened by a century of hate and malice, there was an inkling of the same woman I’d fallen in love with beneath it all. “Be serious, Kalen.”
“I am,” I said, stone-faced. “I need more than what you’ve given me for it to make a difference. Perhaps if you explained what you knew, even if it was small, we could—”
She slammed her hands down on the table. The table next to us quieted for a moment, looking in our direction before returning to their business. Arabella drew back her hands. “You know I cannot! I will be executed on the spot if I go near the palace again. Even if I did, they would not believe me. They have no reason to.”
“And why shouldI, Arabella? You haven’t given me a reason, either. The fact you are intent on playing both sides is less than comforting. You could gather information on us while you’re in Helia meeting with me. Perhaps you are simply preying on my emotions before you take what you know back to Lachlan. I could make it easier on you and give you a dagger to plunge into my chest now. It’d be more efficient.“
She moved so fast; I hadn’t seen the slap coming until her palm collided with my cheek. I sat back, stunned and silent. A small trickle of wetness fell down my cheek. I wiped at it, watching my fingers come away streaked in red.
Arabella’s nostrils flared, her claws digging into the wood beneath her fingers. The table’s top splintered, fracturing down the middle, and she jerked back. “This was a mistake,” she breathed, pulling her hands back into her lap. “I should have known better than to imagine you wouldn’t think the worst of me.”
She stood quickly, slamming a bag of coins on the table before turning toward me. “I knew this would be difficult—” she said, motioning between us “—but I’d hoped you could put your prejudice aside to work with me for the greater good. This isn’t about you or me or the past. This is about the future of Aethion and its people. If Lachlan wins, you might as well save that dagger for yourself, because he will grant no mercy.” With those parting words, she fled from the building.
I was stuck, torn between letting her go and chasing her down. The world seemed to falter, as if my next move would be a defining moment in time. Neither path would be easy. In fact, they would both be fucking hard, but a choice had to be made.
I ran out the door behind her, searching the darkened streets. Mostly, they were empty, except for a few drunken beggars on the outskirts of an alley. But there, nearly at the edge of the city, I saw her cloak flutter in the wind.
I raced forward, struggling to catch her. I couldn’t call out her name, not here. It was too risky. But she was right. This was no longer about the hurt that lay between us. This was about saving our people. Saving Aethion and all of its kingdoms. “Wait!”
She turned, eyes blazing. I felt her power even from feet away. It was both horrific and magnificent. I did not know how I’d never felt it before, or if the century away had hardened her in a way she hadn’t been before. “What?” she gritted out. “What would you like to say to me, Kalen, that you haven’t already said?”
“That’s not—”
“I understand you will never see me in a different light. I lied to you, I traumatized you, and you say I’ve ruined you beyond repair.” Her voice rose like a mighty beast roaring into the night. “But did you ever stop and think about what the past century has been like for me? The things I’ve done have haunted me every step of the way. Ihatemyself for hurting you the way I have. And Ihatethat our daughter,” her voice faltered slightly, “was taken away from us. From you. And it’s all my fault. I can’t change that. I can’t do anything to bring her back.”
I couldn’t breathe, her admissions stealing the air from my lungs and clutching them tightly in an iron fist. I hadn’t thought about that at all. It wasn’t because it hadn’t crossed my mind, because it had, but because I believed she was immune from the pain she caused. She was the one, after all, who had left. She’d chosen Lachlan over me. Over our family.
“But you still left. You left, and I was gifted your fucking body in boxes!” I laughed coldly, and a flash of regret passed over her face. “Let’s not play a game of who is more traumatized.”
“You are an infuriating bastard,” she spat.
“And you are a cold-hearted, lying bitch,” I replied.
She flinched, my words like a lash against her skin, but she didn’t back down. “I don’t know what I ever saw in you. This surely isn’t the man I married. He was compassionate and kind.”
I took a step forward. “You saw fit to see that he was destroyed long ago.“
“If you need someone to blame, go ahead and tell me.” She cocked her head to the side, moving toward me. “But would you like to know what I think?”
“Not particularly,” I bristled. “But I’m sure you will tell me anyway.”
“You’re angrier at me because you hate to think that you’ve allowed yourself to be destroyed by what I did. You let it consume you until you cannot see or think or live any other truth. I’ve admitted what I’ve done was horrible, but you’re the one who has been pining for the past century over the ghost of someone. That’s what kills you, isn’t it?”
I closed my eyes, fists clenching at my side. “Stop it.”
“It’s written all over your beautiful face. You need someone to hate that isn’t yourself, because you’ve held that guilt inside of you for so long. Fine. Done. If hating me will save you, will bring you peace, then hate me, Kalen.” Her hand came up tentatively, brushing a careful stroke along my cheek. I shuddered at the touch, resisting the urge to lean in and nuzzle the heart of her hand. “But hating me will not change the past. We need each other, and I vow to do anything and everything I can to help you, but you must trust me.”
