The heat from the flames kissed my skin, doing little to calm my mind or steel my nerves. But at least I had firewhiskey as my faithful companion, a bottle sitting at my feet while I clutched the small glass in my hand.
The colors surrounding me reminded me of home, so many memories cascaded through my mind. The walls of my bedroom were a shimmering blue, just like the waves near the coastal reefs. A deep navy colored the crown molding around the edges of the room and my bedding, which was so soft it was like falling into a cloud. When Kalen brought me here a week ago, I thought I was dreaming. It could not have been more perfect if I had designed it myself. However, it was undoubtedly an upgrade from the servant’s quarters, even if Helia’s were far better than any others I had encountered previously.
The balcony doors stood open, looking over the major river which flowed along the outskirts of the city. I could make out the fishermen readying their boats, the tiny figures milling about over bridges, or making their way to the square near the heart of the capital. Helia was beautiful in its own right, and every bit I had seen was picturesque, but there was something special about this city that set it apart from others I had seen.
Perhaps I should have closed the doors, but I felt stifled by the lack of air flowing throughout the room. It had been curiously frigid for a summer night, as if the world knew an evil presence was lurking over us, taunting us. It was so cold I had seen my breath when I walked the grounds earlier during my patrol. I relished the sting, though. A reminder that I was still alive as I thought about the events of the last three days.
The tides had changed. Any luck we thought we had on our side was diminishing each day Matthew and Eva were away. I knew he was waiting until she was no longer thirsty for Damien’s blood, but we needed them more than ever. No matter how peaceful Helia was, unrest had been brewing since the announcement of Erina’s death. Of course, the king had not wanted to worry the people, so the official story was that she died during an assassination attempt on Eva. The longer Eva was out of sight, the longer we waited to light Erina’s pyre. It would not bode well for any of us left behind to hold the pieces together.
Trystan would not leave Erina’s rooms, no doubt drinking himself into a stupor. If, by chance, he deigned to leave his stronghold; it was to go down to the caves where Erina’s body was being stored until her funeral. As we waited for Eva’s return, Queen Ciena placed an incantation over Erina’s body to prevent decay. A mercy, I soon realized, given how often Trystan and the king were down with her.
And in the meantime, amidst the utter shit storm that was our lives, Kalen, Luka, and I were on constant rotation, attempting to keep the king sane and away from Damien. All guards had to undergo a new vetting process, given that Orion had employed most, if not all, of them over the centuries. During that time, we had to take up guard watches—patrolling the grounds or stationed outside the royal rooms. How we found time to sleep, I didn’t know.
I had been assigned as Damien’s caretaker and guardian. It was my job to test the limitations and boundaries of what the hex would allow him to say while ensuring he stayed in the cell. It was not a gratifying task.
Whenever I thought we were progressing, he would begin foaming at the mouth, choking on bile and black sludge. And every time, I had to recall my question. Finally, after a handful of unsuccessful sessions, I began keeping a journal detailing our time together to ensure I had missed nothing. Queen Ciena had been working tirelessly to find a way around the hex, stating that Erina’s blood would prove useful, but with each day that passed, my hope diminished further.
I knew in my heart she was doing everything she could, but we didn’t have time to spare.
So, I found myself drinking away my sorrows as the sun rose, praying for strength I knew would never come.
I had never been an inherently negative person. In fact, my family would tell you I had quite a sunny disposition growing up. But somewhere along the way, I changed. They didn’t realize the smiles I shared with them were often forced. If they knew what I had become, they would never approve.
My parents would never know, could never understand. Not only for their sake, but mine as well. I never wanted to see the look on their faces, knowing I might have been a disappointment to the people who embraced my quirks with open arms and loved me despite my faults.
I had been lucky to be adopted by Lord and Lady Saveq. Out of all the children in run-down orphanages, or those who begged on the street, they chose me—a little girl who was constantly dirty, fascinated with digging through the soil or picking flowers in the garden, who came back to them with cuts and scrapes because she liked to fight and because she was clumsy.
But they loved me anyway. The way parentsshouldlove their child.
As if I was their own.
There had been a boy, only five years older than I, who had taken me under his wing and protection. He was like that for every child who crossed the threshold and suffered. Everyone called him our protector or guardian, but Ollie was more than that to me. I remember the soft brown curls that fell in front of his eyes, his hair typically an unruly mop that refused to be tamed. Yet, his deep brown eyes held a fierce protective gleam to them, especially with me, and how his skin, the color of dark sand from hours of working in the garden or accompanying the mistress on errands, seemed to shimmer in the sun.
He loved the sea, and we often dreamed of being adopted together. If that day never came, then we would run away, never looking back. The first stop would be the coastline. I had always wanted to watch how the tides rolled across the sand and feel the sand between our toes. After that, our days would be filled with laughter and love, promises and fulfillment. We wanted adventure and excitement, a life full of possibilities that weren’t available to children like us.“We’ll make our own luck, Ren.”That’s what he always told me, and I swore I still heard his voice whisper it in the wind sometimes.
I remember the day it happened. How the office door opened, creaking at the hinges as Lord and Lady Saveq revealed themselves. The mistress came out next, and then it was Ollie. She turned to him, patted him on the shoulder, and gave him a sad smile as she walked away—one that I could not read. My stomach dropped.
But then the mistress dismissed everyone.
Everyone but me.
Ollie called out, taking me into the study he had just walked out of. I had been practicing what I would say if he were chosen, but every word seemed to disappear as I looked at him. And then he uttered five words that would change my life forever: “You’re getting a family, Ren.”
I couldn’t believe it. It was everything we had ever hoped for. But then I felt my heart break for the first time as he said: “I’m not going with you.”
Five words for happiness.
Five words for agony.
My life changed that day, those two opposing sentences setting events in motion I could never move past.
A sharp knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts, bringing me back to the present and the matters at hand. “Come in,” I said.
Kalen poked his head in, a cheerful smirk kicking up the corner of his mouth. “Somehow I knew you’d be awake.” He took two steps before eyeing the glass in my hand and the bottle on the floor. “Actually, have you even slept?”
I shook my head, taking a long draw from the bottle. “No.”
He quirked a brow. “You love your sleep. This isn’t like you.”
