“Set it up for tonight,” I said. “But not on coven territory. She will need to meet us halfway on this.”
“I figured you’d say that,” he said, smiling. “So, I took the liberty of arranging the meeting on your behalf. 10:00 PM at Dymphna chapel.” When I raised my eyebrow in question, he shrugged. “Figured it was as good a place as any other. Besides, it’s the only truly neutral territory we have.”
My chest tightened as I thought back to the place where Calia and I wed. The chapel was on sacred ground, blessed by the covens to ensure the bonding ceremonies between Darrow and D’Arcy were never interrupted by the rays of the sun or the glow of the moon—the curse placed upon us centuries ago. It was built on the bones of the witches that had come before, putting the land into a stasis where the curse had no effect.
I nodded. “I suppose it is.”
“What’re you thinking? Should I enlist back up?” While the D’Arcy family had its own security, of which Jasper was in charge, he also ran a less-than-legal firm that contracted out security for clients who wished to be discreet. He had the best mercenaries money could buy at his beck and call.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I do not want to give her a bad impression. She is putting faith in us, so we should return the sentiment. Only you and I will go, but let your men know as a precaution. If we aren’t back by sundown…”
“They’ll have a team ready. Don’t worry.”
“And I want someone stationed with Rowena. We have no way of knowing what Leonora is up to. I would not put it past her to sneak in while we are out.” I paused, taking a deep breath. “I cannot risk anything happening to her.”
Jasper grimaced. “She won’t like it.”
“She can handle it until this mess is sorted out.” I ran my hand through my hair. Everything was uncertain. Was I doing the right thing by going to the covens? I couldn’t be sure. What I did know was that doing nothing was not an option. “If I know she is safe, it is one last thing I must worry about.”
He clapped my back, eyes softening as he took in my expression. “I’ll make sure she’s secure, brother. Don’t worry.”
I drew my lips back in a thin line, holding back the rising panic that plagued my mind at the thought of losing someone else I held dear. “I need some air. Find my sister and let her know what is happening.” Sweat beaded on the back of my neck as my chest tightened to the point of pain.
Loss was inevitable, a key player in life. Every day, thousands of people across Auria died from varying incidents. But I was under the belief that there was only so much devastation a person could take before they lost themselves, too.
I could count on one hand the number of people I cared about, and this feeling, this utter terror of losing one ofthem, was enough to drive someone mad. It lurked around every corner and clung to every spoken word, sneaking up on unsuspecting victims at their most vulnerable. Even when one knew it was there, there was no way to adequately prepare oneself for that vulnerability.
I did not wait for Jasper’s reply, quickly retreating down the hall. It was only when I caught a subtle whiff of perfume that I stopped and stared at the thick oak door in front of me. I could not be sure how long I stood there, if it was mere seconds or minutes. But knowing what lay on the other side had rooted me to the floor. It was a product of my destruction. I knew what I would find should I follow the path I had set out on, yet I could not stop myself from seeing it once more with my own eyes.
Pushing the door open, I quickly scanned the area. My heart lurched at the mess within this room I had put such care into designing. I enlisted Rowena’s help, ensuring every single item was hand-picked for Calia, so she might feel more at home here. They were trivial things. I knew they were not important when compared to everything else stacked against us, but it did not stop me from trying to give her what little comfort I could offer.
She had never known the truth. I sometimes wished I had divulged the answer to every question she asked. I knew she was curious; I could hear the questions in her mind. Even then, I held myself back because I was terrified of hurting her.
In the end, it had never mattered.
The mirror above her dresser had been thrown across the room. Shattered glass lay strewn along the floor, mingling with shards of wood and ripped bits of unworn clothing. Piece by piece, I had emptied her dresser of all its contents before shredding them in my hands. Drops of blood had stained the cloth as I tore it apart. The sounds of destruction around me only furthered my loss of control.
Rip.
Smash.
Crack.
Thud.
I had not even realized I was bleeding until I stood in the wreckage of my making, too consumed by the thundering sound of my heartbeat like a war drum in my mind.
Gone, gone, gone, gone. She wasgone, and I washere, and there was nothing but silence in my mind where there had once been life. Because that is what she was. Life. Pure adrenaline coursing through my veins, giving me a reason to put one foot in front of the fucking other when I had struggled before.
The walls were scratched from the sitting area I had upended, and the pictures I had ripped from their fastenings. The cushions of Calia’s favorite chair were in tatters, pulled apart at the seams and scattered like freshly fallen snow.
It still had not been enough to satiate my need to destroy.
The crunch of debris came from under my feet as I walked over to the only untouched facet of the room. Her bed lay unmade, the sheets disheveled from the last morning we spent wrapped in each other’s arms. It was the first and last time I had tasted her blood, a feeling so euphoric that I did not know if anything would ever come close. I ran my fingers across the fabric, inhaling the soft, minty scent of her shampoo that had imprinted itself upon her pillows and brought me back to a time when I had felt joy.
That last morning, I showed her only a fraction of the darker parts of my soul—the ones that urged me to claim her as mine—my wife, my love, my light.
And claim her I did.
