“I don’t really want it to be?—”
“Then it isn’t,” I said. “This is whatever you need it to be.”
Lennox settled into my arms, laying her head on my chest. Her fingers fiddled with the button along my shirt collar, and it felt natural.
It was unbelievably terrifying. I was sure she could make out the frantic beating of my heart as I ran my hand up and down her back. “You just let me know when you wanna go.”
She nodded. I could feel her hesitation before she spoke. “Can we stay like this a little longer?”
“As long as you need.”
lennox
. . .
“Psst… Lennox.”
I tightened my hold on my pillow. “Go away,” I groaned, nuzzling into the warm cushion. It smelled nice. Masculine. It reminded me of home, which is where I wanted to be. I didn’t even remember falling asleep, but I knew I was beyond exhausted. The last thing I remembered was…
Oh, God. Bishop.
I’d fallen asleep on Bishop.
I jerked up, pushing off his chest. He groaned as my weight left his body. I tried not to think of how cold I felt suddenly, trying instead to open my eyes. The harsh fluorescent lighting above was blinding, and I blinked to adjust to the brightness.
“What’s happening?” Bishop asked, looking around the room. He stopped as his gaze landed on me. His voice was gruff and full of sleep. It reminded me of how it’d been last night, how he’d opened his arms to me without question.
When I’d wandered in here, I hadn’t been looking for comfort but an escape. I just needed a few minutes to gather my thoughts after spending hours going in and out of Dad’s room. There was only so much more I could take of listening to thedoctors talk about his condition. It was all so clinical, as if this was just another day. I guess it was, for them, but it sure as hell wasn’t for us. Seeing them come and go like our world hadn’t just been upended made me wildly uncomfortable.
The waiting room had been quiet. Only a few other people were strewn out around us, huddled together and waiting for news like we were. I noticed that some of those faces were still here. Though, there were many more than there had been last night.
Josie stood above me, holding a tray full of coffee. I greedily took one, closing my eyes to savor the liquid gold on my tongue. She handed one to Bishop next and then Lincoln, who sat up and greeted her with a kiss.
“Thought you guys might want some caffeine,” she said softly, looking every bit as tired as I felt.
“Did you sleep at all last night?” I asked, patting the seat next to me.
Her shoulders slumped as she sat down. “An hour or two. More than Cleo and Mom, though.”
Guilt gnawed at my conscience. I shouldn’t have left them. I shouldn’t have walked away to find some peace when my mom and sisters didn’t. “How long was I out?”
“Just a few hours,” she said. “It’s only seven.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, in a rush. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
Josie put her hand on mine. “I’m glad you did,” she said. There was no hint of annoyance, only complete understanding. That was one of the things I loved most about Josie. “Cleo is booking a hotel room nearby. Not that Mom will sleep there, of course. She’s been pretty vocal about not leaving his side.”
“Not surprised,” I said, taking a sip.
“Nope,” she said. “But at least she’ll have a place to shower if she wants to.”
“Makes sense,” I mumbled. “Have the doctors been in this morning? Do we know how long he’ll have to stay?”
“They’re about to do rounds, I think. I wanted to come get you so that you could see him.”
Did I want to see him again? Could I handle it? I wasn’t so sure. It was a shitty and selfish thought, but I was scared.
As if reading my thoughts, Josie put her hand on my knee. “It’s okay, Lenny. You don’t have to?—”
