God, I was so stupid. I didn’t know why I said it. What if she wasn’t ready? I had no idea how to tell a woman I loved her. I had no previous experience to draw on.
All I knew was that I loved her and didn’t want to go another day without her knowing. I’d wasted too much time already with my back-and-forth bullshit. At least I’d laid myself on the line, now it was her turn to decide what she wanted.
I let her go in front of me to grab food. Even if she didn’t feel the same, I was still a gentleman. She grabbed things here and there but didn’t fill her plate as much as I expected her to.When we reached the end of the line, I opened my mouth to ask her to sit with me, but she bounced off toward her sisters before I could.
Lincoln clapped me on the shoulder. “Come on, boss man. You’re coming with me.”
It went against every urge screaming at me to follow Lennox, but I fought it, letting Lincoln steer me toward one of the few empty tables left. Neither of us spoke at first, content to listen to the surrounding chatter.
From where we sat, I could just make out Lennox talking to Josie. She pushed her food around on her plate, sighing as she finally pushed it away. My own meal turned to ash on my tongue, and I did the same.
“Trouble in paradise?” Lincoln asked, shoveling a spoonful of beans into his mouth.
“Stay out of it,” I muttered.
“I guess you still don’t wanna talk about it,” he laughed. “I’d always wondered what happened that night, but true to my word… I kept my mouth shut and never asked.”
I remembered it well. It was the morning after Lennox had stormed out. Lincoln was walking up to the house for breakfast and saw the showdown on my lawn in real-time. I’d told him I hadn’t wanted to talk about it, and he hadn’t brought it up until today.
“Not even to your better half?” I asked, glancing back toward Lennox and Josie. Lennox wrapped her food up, setting it down on Keith’s truck before they headed into the barn.
He shook his head. “Naw. If Lennox wanted Josie to know, that’s on her to tell her. I don’t get involved in anything happening between the sisters.”
“That’s the first smart thing I’ve ever heard come outta your mouth.”
“Aw, I knew you liked me,” he said, butting into my shoulder with his own. “My point is… Same offer stands as before. If you need to talk about anything, oranyone, I’m here.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, letting his offer hang between us. This was strange for me. Sure, I might’ve had friends over the course of my life, but none that I wanted to sit and talk about this shit with.
But I wanted to make this work with Lennox, which meant I should probably open up a little bit. He’d done the same to me. After all… If everything worked out between us, Lincoln and I would be like family, right?
“I dunno what the fuck I’m doing with her,” I whispered. “I feel so out of my depth. It’s not even funny. She says jump, and I say how high. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way, but I also don’t want to stop? I’m in over my head! I’m—oh god, I can’t even say it.”
“What’s wrong?” Lincoln asked, a hint of worry in his tone. “You’re what?”
I sat my hand down on the table, scrubbing my face with my hands until the skin felt raw. “I’m just like you! I’m a lovesick fool that she’s got wrapped around that dainty, infuriating finger of hers, and I don’t know what to do with that. I’m terrified of fucking everything up with her, and—are you seriously laughing right now?”
Lincoln was beet red from trying to hold in his laughter, but the shake in his shoulders told me he was losing the battle. “I’m sorry,” he said, waving me off. “Oh man, this is great.”
“It is not!” I said, lowering my voice the moment I realized how loud I was being. “I’m so fucking gone for her.”
He wiped beneath his eyes. “Have you told her?”
I looked down at my hands. “I may have said something before lunch?”
“Just now?” he asked, brows furrowing.
“Maybe.”
“You just dropped the L bomb and ran?”
I blew out a breath. “This was a terrible idea. I don’t know why I thought talking about it would help.”
“No, stop. Sit your grumpy ass down, grandpa, and let’s talk about your feelings,” he said, pushing me back into my seat.
“I’m only four years older than you.”
“Yeah, but most of the time, you act like a sixty-year-old who yells at kids to get off his lawn, so it fits,” Lincoln said, shrugging. “Listen, I can’t tell you anything you don’t already know, but I can say you aren’t fucking anything up. Relationships are hard. Putting yourself out there is hard. Giving someone that kind of control when you’re used to holding the reins is fucking hard. But goddamn, is it worth it.”
