I felt the eyes of our guests. Every partygoer stared helplessly as our world imploded, but none of them made a move to do anything. They just watched like this was a trainwreck they couldn’t look away from.
The sound of a microphone flicking on came from the stage, garnering the crowd’s momentary attention. “Alright, I know there’s a lot going on, but we’d like to ask everyone to clear the area and give the Hayes family some room.”
My gaze flicked up, seeing Grady pointing toward the other side of the pasture. His sweat-soaked hair clung to his forehead as he stared out at the crowd. No one had asked him to do that, but he did it anyway.
When people didn’t move fast enough, his voice filtered back through the speakers. “We’re all concerned for Doug, but I’mbegging y’all to move and give them room. They don’t need you gawking at them.” Grady leaned over, talking to the people on stage with him. They nodded and jumped down, jogging our way. He scanned the crowd before following, making his way straight toward me.
“What can I do?” He raised his hand like he was going to touch me, but it fell to his side. I hated how much I ached for his touch. How much I wanted someone to comfort me in the way I was comforting others.
“I’ve got it,” I said, sucking in a deep breath to stave away the tears. I didn’t want to cry, especially not here when everyone was looking at me to hold them together. “Thanks.”
“Cleo—” he began, but I shook my head.
“Please, don’t. Not right now. I can’t—” My voice broke, but I pushed forward. “My family needs me.”
And I need you.
The words were right there, right on the tip of my tongue, but they never came. I forced them down, down, down until I could breathe again. Because even if I voiced them, it wouldn’t change anything.
He had a wife. He had a kid. And me? I was on the verge of losing it all. It would’ve been selfish to drag him down with me. At least this way, even if I drowned, I’d drown alone.
Grady looked like he wanted to push things, but he didn’t. Instead, he backed away and joined his bandmates in redirecting the crowd. I didn’t want to watch him walk away again, but anything was better than focusing on Lincoln’s quiet, muttered curses as he tried to keep Dad’s heart beating.
As the faint sound of a siren wailed in the distance, I let a single tear fall before wiping it away, and did what I did best.
cleo
. . .
Nine Months Later
“Oh my god,can you drive any faster, gramps?” Lennox chimed from the front seat of Bishop’s truck. “Josie will probably be released from the hospital by the time we get there.”
Bishop sighed as the light in front of us turned red and he slowed to a full stop. “I can’t make the light turn green, killer. It’s luck of the draw.”
“Yeah, but you could’ve pushed through the last three yellow ones,” she grumbled, crossing her arms and pouting.
“Yellow means slow down.”
“Well in this case it’s a suggestion,” she shot back. “This isn’t one of our safe words. And given the circumstances, I think yellow warrants pressing down on the gas pedal instead of the brake. I’m an aunt! I need to meet my little mini-me.”
“Christ, Lennox. Do you ever keep some thoughts to yourself?” he cursed.
I stared out the window, chuckling to myself as they softly bickered. Or rather, Bishop kept his voice at a normal, even tone while Lennox babbled incessantly about how long it was taking to get to the hospital and why it was no big deal I knew what they did in the bedroom.
Honestly, I didn’t care, but I felt like I’d learned way more about my younger sisters’ sex lives in the past year than I ever thought I would.
It was still dark outside, just after five in the morning, and all of us were running on zero sleep. The excitement over the newest addition to the Hayes family had kept us up way too late.
Last night, Lincoln texted the family group chat to tell us Josie’s water had broken, and they were on the way to the hospital. Mom, Dad, and Lennox had immediately tried to follow them up there, but Bishop and I’d talked them down. The new family deserved time for themselves because there was no way they’d get it once they got back home. I’d be surprised if either our mother or Lennox didn’t take turns sleeping on the couch for the first few months.
Even though visiting hours at the hospital didn’t even start until six, I couldn’t hold them back anymore. Or rather, I couldn’t holdLennoxback anymore. She’d bolted up to the main house the moment Lincoln’s message came through, ready to storm through the doors of Ashwood Memorial Hospital like she was the one giving birth.
I’d give it to her. She really was going to be the best aunt.
Mom and Dad followed behind us, their headlights reflected in the rearview mirror. They hated going to the hospital, and rightfully so, but even that couldn’t put a damper on their spirits today. When I came into the kitchen this morning, Dad was already buzzing around, making sure everyone had cups of coffee ready to go.
Growing up, his coffee was notoriously terrible. It was almost comical how infamous it was around Ashwood. No one would ever accept a cup if he offered it, but lately it’d been better. Over Christmas, we’d all pitched in for one of those fancy machines and tossed his battered old one out in the trash.
