I guess it made sense my therapist needed to know these things.
There were days I dreaded my sessions because I knew Laura would want me to dig deep. Sometimes, I felt myself growing tense before we’d even begun. It was like my body was preparing for the inevitable crash that came after the screen went dark. The train of thought cast a dark cloud over my mood and no matter what, I couldn’t shake it.
I knew today was going to be a heavy appointment. Laura had been encouraging me to tell my family about the divorce since I’d been back home, but I kept pushing it off. Last night, I’d finally snapped under the weight of my parents’ curious questions. Spilling the beans before my dad’s birthday bash—his words, not mine—hadn’t been the best move.
Earlier in the year, my dad’s health had given us a major scare. Apparently, not even the world’s best dad was immune to a sick heart. Seeing him in a hospital bed was an image I’d never forget. It’d been a wake-up call—one we severely needed because we had never talked about what would happen after he was gone.
When Mom had told me the news, I’d slid down the wall and cried. I hated myself for the fleeting sense of relief I felt at my dad’s expense. It was the out I’d been searching for, my reason for leaving Montana and never looking back.
“Do we need to take a break?” Laura asked, crossing her arms. “I can feel you shutting down.”
“No, I’m good,” I said, straightening my shoulders and forcing a smile. Her pursed lips told me she wasn’t buying it. “I’m just thinking about all the things I need to do today. You know how it is.”
“And now you’re deflecting,” she said, sitting back in herchair. “Look, I want to make it clear how proud of you I am. Telling your family what happened with Thomas couldn’t have been easy. I know we practiced the speech together, but I want to stress the importance of this achievement.”
“Thank you?—”
“But by rehashing the details of your relationship, I’m worried you might be slipping back into your self-imposed guilt.”
“Well, no one can make me feel worse about myself than I can,” I said, trying and failing to inject a dash of darker humor into our conversation. Sometimes it worked, and I’d successfully change topics, but today was not the day.
“Cleo—”
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” I said, holding up my hands. Then I grabbed my ball and gave it one long squeeze. “See? Just like the doctor ordered.”
“You can thank Rachel for that one,” she said, smiling slightly. “Let’s stop here for the day. I know you said you’re fine, but I don’t want to push you too much. You’ve come so far. I hope you can see that.”
“Cleo!” My name came from the hallway, and the sound of her barging through my door came seconds later.
I screamed as I heard Lennox’s voice behind me. “You little shit,” I said, turning around. “How’d you get in?”
“The master key?” Lennox asked, holding up a small silver key in her hand.
“Why do you have that?” I asked, trying to rein Lennox in.
She shrugged. “Yeah, I had it made years ago so I could break into Josie’s room. Did you know she used to hide liquor at the back of her closet? Completely unrelated, of course.” She plopped down on my bed.
Lennox was quiet for a second before asking, “I already know the answer, but I feel it’s my sisterly duty to ask if you want to talk about it.”
Despite her loud and extroverted personality, there was no one who loved as fiercely as Lennox. She’d fight a fence post if she thought it’d wronged you somehow.
I pushed from my chair, going over and laying my hand on top of hers. I wasn’t big on physical contact, but she was. “No, I’m good. Thank you, though.”
She nodded. “You know I’m always here, though, right?”
“I do.” It was the first genuine smile I’d given in what felt like weeks. “And you know the same goes for me, right? If there’s anything, or anyone”—I nudged her leg—“that you want to talk about…”
“Nope,” she said, hopping down. “Not until there’s something, or someone, foryouto talk about.” She gave me a pointed look, and I raised my hands. All I had to do was make it through a day without thinking of the first boy who broke my heart, which was easier said than done.
cleo
. . .
“Damn, it’s hot for October,”Cook said as he leaned over the massive portable BBQ pit and grabbed a foiled baked potato. “Thought the news said it wasn’t supposed to be so hot?”
I laughed, putting my hands on my hips and surveying the space. Cook was right. It was hotter than hell, but that didn’t seem to stop people from showing up. Today was one big celebration and Dad’s party was in full swing. Cars had been pulling through the Black Springs gate all day, and they were still coming.
Red and white tents filled the pasture, giving people a place to escape the sun and grab a drink to cool off. Lennox and Lincoln’s carefully curated playlist played softly over speakers placed throughout the masses. Tonight, there’d be a live band playing, though no one knew who. Dad had kept that one a secret from everyone.
