Why can’t we talk sober?
I waited for the text bubbles that never came. I was about to give up when my phone rang. Cleo’s name flashed on the screen, and I nearly dropped the phone to answer with a hurried, “Hello?”
She laughed, actually laughed, and it was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard. “Someone’s eager.”
“When it comes to you? Absolutely.” I wasn’t afraid to admit it, and maybe that was what she needed to hear. Maybe she needed to know I was done playing it cool, not that it’d ever been my forte, and that she held all my cards.
Cleo sighed. “That’s why we can’t talk sober. It’d be too easy to fall into your trap.”
“There’s no trap here, bluebird. Just a foolish man waiting with open arms.”
I could hear her shifting on the other line and held my breath, wondering if I’d gone too far. To be fair, we could both blame our brazenness on the alcohol, but I didn’t want to. If she would let me, I’d have admitted all this sober, too.
“I think I missed that, you know,” she breathed.
“Missed what?”
“The nickname.”
“I missed you,” I replied honestly.
She sucked in a breath. “You can’t say things like that.” I was about to ask her why, to tell her it was just my way of being honest, when she said, “I’m sorry, this was a mistake. I’ve got to go.”
“Wait, Cleo… Don’t—” but it was too late. The line clicked, and I pulled my phone away to stare at the blank screen, mentally berating myself for being such a fucking idiot.
cleo
. . .
19 Years Old
I tappedmy fingers against the pristine white tablecloth, trying and failing to ignore the pitying looks of guests at their tables. Instead, I stared at the half-burnt candle in the middle of the table near a small vase with a single rose that looked like I felt.
Rain pelted the window as a storm raged outside. The weather had taken a dark turn the moment I stepped inside, something I’d initially been grateful for since I’d spent way too long on my hair and makeup before leaving the dorm. I didn’t want all that hard work to go to waste before the night had even begun. Though each minute I stared at the empty seat across from me, I wondered if that was a long shot to start with.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I scrambled to get it.
Rachel
Happy birthday, bitch! Grady better get you something good or I’ll kick his ass *winking emoji
My shoulders slumped as I clicked out of her message and into the last one from Grady I’d gotten this morning.
Grady
Can’t wait to see you tonight, bluebird <3 I’ll be waiting for you!
I stared at the words, trying my hardest not to cry. I’d called him multiple times when I realized he wasn’t at the restaurant like he said he’d be, worry bleeding into humiliation as I heard staff whispering about the sad-looking girl who got stood up on her birthday and how pathetic it was I was still here waiting.
As much as I didn’t want to believe the hateful thoughts, I couldn’t. It wasn’t just that he was late; it was the fact I’d gone all evening without a single text or call letting me know he was on his way. I was sick and tired of feeling like a forethought. Silly me for thinking tonight of all nights would be different. I should’ve known better.
I thought college was supposed to be this grand start to the rest of my life. Everyone told me how much I’d love it, that it was going to be nothing like high school, and I’d finally have some semblance of freedom I’d never had at home. But so far, I was highly unimpressed. Classes took up most of my time, which was my own fault for signing up for the maximum hours allotted, but it was still draining. My roommate was horrible. She spent most of her time screwing the entire athletic department rather than studying, which wasn’t even something I cared about. What I didn’t appreciate, though, was coming back to the dorms after late nights in the library and seeing her scarf on the handle. I was forced to sit outside in the hallway listening to her fake screams of pleasure through the thin walls. There was no escape from it. At this point, it seemed like I spent more time outside of my room than I ever did inside.
The one saving grace had been Rachel, whose roommate had the same proclivity for extra-curricular activities as my own. She lived just across the hall. We met one night when I came homeafter class and saw her sitting on the floor. It didn’t take long for us to hit it off, often spending our evenings sprawled out in the study room since our dorms were occupied. She was one of the only friends I had, and I was okay with that. Friendships had never come easy to me, not even as a kid. Since I was much older than my sisters, I rarely relied on them for that kind of comfort.
And then there was Grady.
When we made it to Austin, everything had been great. We signed up for most of the same classes so we could spend extra time together, and our dorm buildings were nearby, so it wasn’t a long trek across campus to meet up. He snagged a job at a nearby restaurant that doubled as a bar in the evenings. After a month, they allowed him to fill in when someone in the house band called in sick. Seeing him pursue something he loved made me think about my future and what I wanted. He seemed so happy, so carefree, and I wanted that for my life too.
