“What if I want to go?” Mom asked from the doorway. She padded over and snatched the unopened beer from Dad’s grip. We both watched as she twisted the cap and took a sip. Momhad never been much of a drinker, so to say it was more than a little out of character was putting it mildly.
“Marsha! You can’t have that,” Dad chided.
She rolled her eyes. “I can do what I want. I don’t start treatment until next week, and I don’t want to spend this last weekend moping around the house with you two. So either we’ll go to this thing together, or I’ll go by myself.”
“Like hell you will,” Dad mumbled.
Mom looked at me, brows raised in question as she brought the bottle to her lips. “Well? There’s one in. Care to make it two?”
“Mom, you slept all the way home from your appointment.”
“Exactly! I’ve had plenty of rest. I’m ready to go. Come on, Grady.” She set the bottle down next to me and took my hands in her own, tugging on them slightly. “Let’s have some fun tonight. Who knows how many nights like this we’ll have?”
“Jesus, Marsha,” Dad cursed.
Mom waved him off. “I don’t care if it gets him to say yes.”
She looked up at me with big, wide eyes. I was crumbling and fast. It didn’t matter how much I definitely didn’t want to go to an Ashwood rodeo; I’d have walked through flames for her if she asked me to in that moment.
Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad. I could stay put in the stands, I didn’t have to venture out and mingle with people. It’d be fine. Everything would be fine.
“Fine, but just because you pulled the cancer card,” I said, lips twitching into a smile.
Mom flung her arms around my neck, squeezing tightly. “This is why you’re my favorite kid,” she said before grabbing the beer and heading back to their bedroom.
“I’m your only kid!” I called back, listening to the sound of her laughter as a response.
Dad finished his drink and chucked the bottle in the trash. “That woman’s gonna be the death of me,” he muttered.
“At least you won’t be bored.”
He paused, tilting his head to the side. “Ya damn right about that.”
grady
. . .
23 Years Old
Just like Ithought it’d be, the parking lot of the Ashwood fairgrounds was jam-packed with trucks as far as the eye could see. If people weren’t at the bar getting drunk, they were at some roping or bull riding event, watching other people fall on their asses. It looked like everyone and their damn mother had shown up. Looking over at my company for the evening, I guess I was no better. “Oh, this is going to be so much fun,” Mom said, squeezing my hand. She hadn’t let go since I helped her out of Dad’s truck. “We haven’t gone to the rodeo in years.”
It hadn’t been an accident. At least on my part. I’d stayed far away from Ashwood since Cleo and I had broken up. Cleo’s family was at damn near every rodeo event, so this was the last place I wanted to be. I wasn’t dumb, I knew someone from the Hayes crew would be here tonight, and there would be no avoiding them. My only hope for the night was to make Mom happy while hoping none of them saw me and went back to Cleo to tell her I was in town.
I’d heard she’d moved back to Ashwood after she graduated. Mom kept in contact with her and said she was now teaching at the local elementary school. I was happy for her. It seemed likeshe was following her dreams and doing all the things she’d said she wanted to. I knew it couldn’t have been easy, but she did it anyway.
All without me.
Though the thought fucking killed me, sometimes I wondered if she’d been right all along. That neither of us was ready for the level of commitment we pledged to one another, and our goals weren’t attainable if we couldn’t give them one hundred percent. I still held on to the notion ofsomeday, because the one thing I refused to believe was we weren’t meant for one another. Even after all this time, I still felt her beneath my skin.
Some days it was comforting. Others it was consuming. I just didn’t know which one it would be when I woke up each morning.
I paid for our admission, and reluctantly let Mom drag us across the grounds to the bleachers nearest the chutes. If I had my choice, I would’ve picked the opposite end. My chances of running into someone were less likely that way, but Mom had always liked being close to the action. She always said she couldn’t see very well, and while, yes, she did have terrible eyesight, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was the case in this instance as I stared at the Black Springs Ranch logo pasted on the front of the gates.
The events had already begun by the time we took our seats. We watched the last few contestants in the steer wrestling round finish up as the announcer started talking about team roping. I didn’t listen to most of it. I’d heard the speeches before. It was damn near the same no matter where you were, but as I heard a familiar name, I perked up. “This sport owes a lot to Ashwood’s own Douglas Hayes and the crew out at Black Springs Ranch. You know his daughter is competing tonight in the barrel race? Truly, such an amazing and gifted family.”
My chest constricted as the first mention of the Hayes family settled around us. Mom tried to talk to me about Cleo for years.At first, I opened up. I didn’t want to admit to my mistakes at first. Acknowledging I’d lost myself in the excitement of the Austin music scene felt like such a cop-out. It was easier to blame her for not being more understanding. But after the restless nights turned into restless months, I began to wonder how much of that was true.
Could she have approached things differently? Sure. But so could I. My list of faults was a mile long, and if I could go back, I would’ve done so many things differently. I wouldn’t have dropped out of school and prioritized music over everything, especially not over her. I hadn’t realized it in the moment, too focused on all the shit I was trying to do for me.
