I knew she was just worried about me, but I hated it. If I knew what I could say to convince her I was weathering the storm on my own, I would have. But if I knew one thing about Ruby Hayes, it was that she was a certified hoverer.
After I ended my call with Laura, I felt like the walls were closing in on me. I wanted to get out, but wasn’t sure where to go. If I took my car, I wouldn’t put it past someone to follow me, which meant my refuge needed to be within walking distance. The barn would be crowded, and Lennox likely had the ranch hands on standby, ready to report my whereabouts if I stepped within three feet of the perimeter.
But then it dawned on me. There was one place I could go that was mine. One place where I could hide from the world and the people in it.
Which was how I found myself awkwardly climbing out of my bedroom window like a teenager sneaking out after curfew. It wasn’t as easy as it used to be, but I didn’t want to think about the reasons why. I was going to blame it on the fact that it had clearly shrunk in size since I was sixteen, and not the fact that I was nearly thirty-seven and wasn’t as flexible as I used to be.
I peeked around the corner of the house to make sure there wasn’t anyone wandering in the front yard who might see me. I knew how silly this would seem to anyone who might’ve seen me. After all, who feels the need to sneak around their own property? But anyone who’d met my family before might understand. After all, privacy and alone time weren’t well-known concepts to the Hayes family.
The sun had nearly set by the time I made it to the treehouse. Thankfully, there was just enough light left that I didn’tneed to struggle with my phone in my mouth as I climbed the ladder.
When I made it to the top, I felt like I could breathe for the first time. I crawled across and let my head fall against the wall, feeling the weight slip from my shoulders. Birdsong filled the air, and I smiled. Just like I had promised Charlie, I occasionally climbed up here to keep an eye on our feathered friends. She’d been so excited it’d been hard to say no.
After lying dormant for so many years, I loved that she’d found joy here when it’d once been such an important part of my childhood. Aside from memories with her father, I had spent more time up here than I could remember. It was a haven from my sisters, a place I could go to when the noise in the house and my head became too much. Maybe that was why I could think of no better place to come tonight. I needed a semblance of the same peace I sought as a kid.
Not that it lasted long.
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel… Let down your hair!” I stilled at Lennox’s voice coming from below the treehouse. Shit. How did she find me? Maybe if I stayed quiet, she’d go away. “I know you’re up there,” she called. I closed my eyes and drew my knees up close to my chest. She might have guessed it, but the only way for her to know for sure was to check for herself. There was no way she was going to do that, right? “You’re really gonna make me climb my ass up there, aren’t you? Alright, I guess…”
The sound of creaking wood had my molars grinding together.I guess that answered my question. “I’m not in the mood for company, Lennox. I’ll be back at the house later.”
“Tough titties. I’m coming up anyway.”
Tough titties? Where the hell did she come up with this stuff?
A minute later, her blonde head popped through the floor latch. She scanned the space, narrowing her eyes when she saw me cowering in the corner. “Well, hello, Rapunzel,” she said, batting her eyelashes my way. “It’s so lovely to see you.”
“Sometimes I wonder if Mom dropped you on your head as a kid,” I grumbled. “Or maybe I did, and this is my penance.”
“You’re so dramatic,” she said, rolling her eyes. She pulled herself up and scooted over next to me. “And that’s saying something, coming from me.”
“You did coin the term,” I agreed, letting out a breath. Having this conversation was the last thing I wanted. I knew what she would say, but the thought of her over-the-top dose of positivity was nauseating. “I really wasn’t lying, Len. I’m not in the mood for company. I don’t say that to be rude, but?—”
“You’re sulking. I get it.” She bumped her shoulder against mine. “But you don’t have to sulk alone.”
“That’s kind of the whole idea.”
“Well, not here. Not with me. I won’t let you.”
Some days I applauded her stubbornness, but today was not the day. Why couldn’t my family just leave me be for two seconds? “And why not? Haven’t I earned a little alone time?”
Lennox tilted her head, as if she was thinking about it. “Earned it? Sure. But I’m not known for my ability to give people space, and unfortunately for you, you’re not an exception to the rule.”
“God, you’re annoying.”
She laid her hand over her heart. “Oh, sis. I love you, too. Now… Tell me what has you hiding in your tower? Are you, per chance, waiting to be swept off your feet by a handsome prince with a killer singing voice?”
“I was just trying to get a little peace and quiet without someone, or multiple someones, coming by and knocking on my door, or trying to force feed me chicken-fried steak and brownies,” I said, a little exasperated. “God forbid a girl take some time to herself.”
“Wait, who made the brownies? Mom or Josie?” she asked. I mean, her question was valid; Josie could, and often did, burn toast if left unsupervised. While she’d gotten better over thepast year, I was sure poor Lincoln had been forced to choke down her subpar cooking many times along the way. “Okay, you’re right. We can circle back to that.”
We settled into the silence, and I looked down, playing with the fringed hem of my shorts. Why was talking about my feelings so difficult? I could give the world’s best pep talk to a random stranger if I needed to, but the moment the spotlight was on me, it was like everything I knew evaporated into thin air. All that good advice I gave other people? Yeah, I could use some for myself right now.
And there was something about talking about everything with Lennox that made me feel worse. It wasn’t because I thought she would judge me. If anything, my little sister would be my ride or die, but I never wanted her to. I wanted to be the one she turned to, the one who was there to comfort her when she needed it. Not the other way around. I always strived to keep my struggles from my sisters, so letting my guard down and allowing her to see all the fucked up parts of me was jarring.
“I don’t know, Len. Things have been confusing ever since Grady came back into the picture. I thought I was done with love. I thought my time had passed and that I needed to get used to being alone. Ever since the divorce became final, I’ve been trying to convince myself it was okay. That I’d be okay. And thenpoof,” I mimed an explosion with my hands, “he fucked it all up.”
Lennox chewed on her bottom lip. I could tell she was holding back, which wasn’t like her. Her bluntness knew no bounds, typically. “Did he fuck it up?” she said, cautiously. “Or did he make you realize the things you were telling yourself were bullshit? I mean, in what world do you deserve to be alone? You’re one of the best people I know, Cleo. You deserve all the good shit others deserve. Even more, probably.”
