‘Err, thank you. You do realise I heard that, don’t you?’
‘Yes, that one was meant for you to hear. But I’m going to stop thinking now, just in case anything unexpected comes out.’
‘Possibly a good move.’
I did a thumbs up in place of speaking because there was a thought catapulting around my brain that had started off as a slow burn this morning. And if I was truly honest, it had been there for a while. I didn’t know exactly when it had started, or where it had come from. Or what to do with it, now that it was there.
34
It was slightly strange seeing Charlie in his natural habitat of work. And, although I had no idea how this part of his world worked exactly, it was obvious to anyone that whatever it was he did, he was damn good at it. And he knew it. There was no arrogance. Just a quiet, assured, rather sexy confidence. Charlie finished his presentation and took a seat. I’d got the general gist of things but there were times he could have been speaking Venusian, for all I knew.
I’d taken those times to surreptitiously study the others in the room – most notably two women who were part of the team he’d apparently been having meetings with in New York. And, whatever their legitimate reason for being here, one of them most definitely had an extra line on her agenda, which was to lust over Charlie Richmond. I hadn’t worked out whether he’d sussed this yet. Probably not, knowing Charlie. But certainly everyone else in the room had. I’d seen the look the two women exchanged when Charlie’s eyes lowered to take a sip of water, and it didn’t exactly say, ‘Gosh, that was a thrilling presentation.’ It was more, ‘Him. Me. Stationery cupboard. Now.’
I pretended not to see and carried on watching the view from the window. Pleasure boats travelling up and down the Thames full of tourists, a police patrol boat and, closer to the building, HMS Belfast anchored, stalwart and steady. I didn’t want to watch the woman smiling at him, laughing at a joke he made over something in his presentation – a joke that had gone completely over my head. I’d seen the women glance my way as they laughed. I’d smiled but they knew I hadn’t understood. Flicking my glance to Charlie, I received the same reaction. His didn’t have the same patronising look accompanying it but I felt awkward all the same. I gave a quick, tight smile before returning my gaze to the view as I tried to quell the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.
I knew what the ache inside me was. Denial can only take you so far. Eventually everything will bust out, forcing you to see things as they really are. It had been happening for a while now but every time those feelings tried to bob to the top, I’d squelched them back down. But I knew things were changing. Those feelings were becoming harder and harder to contain. Driving home from Windsor, the two boys sleeping peacefully in the back as the car hummed along quietly, all of us cocooned in the warm, intimate space, I’d known. If I allowed myself to admit it, I’d known for a while. I was in love with Charlie Richmond.
I hadn’t meant to fall for him. In fact, the more I knew of him, the more I’d known this would be a Bad Thing. I loved Charlie – as a friend. There was no way I wanted to lose that. As I’d told Marie, the thought of not having him in my life was just… I didn’t even want to imagine it.
And, of course, the biggest obstacle was that I was pretty sure Charlie Richmond had absolutely no romantic interest in me whatsoever. In his own words, he’d said that having a partner in a similar field was ideal for him, providing a common ground for conversation at the least. Admittedly, we were never short of conversation as friends but still. He clearly had ideas as to the requirements of his perfect woman. And I didn’t fit them.
I brought my gaze back to the room and found myself caught in Charlie’s. He raised an eyebrow at me, a silent enquiry. If only he knew, I thought to myself. Instead I gave him a small smile, reassuring him I was just fine. He seemed to buy it. No surprise. I’d been practising that smile for years. The sympathetic smiles from my parents’ friends, teachers who normally told me off for daydreaming had also used the same smile as they’d pulled my attention gently back to the room. And I knew that, even now, I did it on the blog. To the web, I was perfectly fine, and absolutely happy. They didn’t know about the shock of losing my job and my boyfriend on the same day. They didn’t know I still went and sat at Mum’s grave, sometimes with a book, sometimes just to sit and tell her all the stuff that I wished I could tell her in person. They didn’t know I had set up an email address for her that I wrote to in an effort to feel closer to her. They didn’t know I’d been stood up in a romantic restaurant by a good-looking policeman who had already moved on without telling me.
I was happy, bubbly Libby. And sometimes keeping up that act was just exhausting. But I didn’t see a way out of it. I’d made it part of my USP, not only for the blog, but also in my life, for better or worse. Mentally I gave myself a shake, smoothed my dress and returned my attention to the cool, air-conditioned office.
Tilly and I had absolutely loved the beauty products that Charlie had brought back from the States for us. Consequently, the company had sent the whole collection and done some more research into the market. Charlie’s risk assessment of them branching out into Europe had obviously given them hope because it all seemed to be progressing well that way. And they wanted me along for the ride, helping to promote this new part of their venture. I was thrilled to do so. The products were great and I really liked the people I’d been dealing with over email. They’d advised that they were coming to London to have some more meetings regarding the expansion, including one with Charlie at his offices and had suggested I come along and sit in for part of it. Which was why I was there now. To be honest, I could have left after the first twenty minutes once my participation had been discussed and plans relating to that. From then on, the conversation and language had turned into one I didn’t fluently speak, which had allowed my brain to go poking about for something else to think about. Which had turned out to be Charlie Richmond.
Finally, the meeting was over and everyone began filing out. The representatives from the beauty company came over to me, said lots of nice things and told me that they’d be in touch again shortly. We did the whole two-cheek-air-kiss thing, which they then repeated with Charlie before heading out. Charlie snagged me by the elbow as I made to leave, pulling me back.
‘You OK?’
‘Yes. Why?’
‘You looked like you were glazing over a couple of times there. I was worried that I was boring you.’
‘Pah! You didn’t even know I was in the room.’
He dropped his glance for a moment. ‘It’s hard not to notice you in a room full of boring suits.’
I took his point. The heatwave was still engulfing the country, melting tarmac and cooking sunbathers to a fetching shade of lobster red. I’d decided to forego the black suit this time and had instead chosen a yellow and white Liberty print sundress with a light Chanel style jacket over it. The jacket had lasted about five minutes. I’d figured that the company had been studying my blog long enough now that they knew my style. And it wasn’t as if I’d turned up in ripped jeans.
I chewed the inside of my mouth for a moment, before remembering my brother had commented that I bore a strong resemblance to Sonic the Hedgehog when I did so.
‘Should I have gone with the suit?’
Charlie raised his eyebrows and shook his head. ‘No! Not at all. It wasn’t a criticism. It’s kind of nice to look out and see a little ray of sunshine in the room. Not to mention a friendly face.’
‘Thanks. Being a ray of sunshine is always nice. But I don’t think you’re short of people wanting to be friendly here.’ I gave him a wink and made to walk out.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ he asked, his face a mixture of confusion and amusement.
‘Just saying.’
‘Just saying what, exactly?’
‘Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you haven’t notic—’
‘Ready for lunch, Charlie?’ The brunette interrupting us leant on the glass door in a way that looked both natural and incredibly sexy. I cast my mind back to my last experience with Charlie and a glass door. Definitely not sexy.
