‘But are you sure?’ I suddenly realised that, despite being alone in my flat, I had also lowered my voice. I shook my head and returned to normal volume. ‘I mean, please don’t feel you have to do this to help me out. I’m sure there are plenty of other accountants I can try. Don’t get into something you don’t want—’
‘Libs. It’s fine. I do want. And he’s taking me up to Nobu in London. So I definitely want! Also, this way, I know that you’ll be getting good advice. You’ve worked too hard not to have the best people helping you when you need them.’
‘You know, you are right. I do love you more.’
‘See? I told you. It’s just inevitable.’
‘When are you going out with Marcus?’
‘Tomorrow night. We’re catching the train up to Town after work. Know something?’
‘What’s that?’
‘I can’t wait. After months of putting him off, I’m actually really excited to see how this goes.’
‘I hope it goes brilliantly, Ames. Text me after, won’t you?’
‘Will do. And Charlie said he’ll be round about half ten next Saturday morning. Is that OK?’
‘Of course. Thanks for setting this up, Amy. And thank Marcus too. I really appreciate it.’
‘Least I could do. OK, got to go. Talk to you later!’ And she was gone.
I put my phone to the side of my workstation and allowed a small wave of relief to wash over me. Although I’d earlier decided on having another attempt at looking into the accountants, I’d procrastinated about it for most of the day. Now, thanks to Amy, there was something actually happening – at last. I smiled and let the worries of finance get pushed to the back of my mind for the first time in ages.
Opening a new email, I entered a familiar address and quickly typed an update of the situation.
Hi Mum
Looks like I might be able to finally stop worrying about all this tax stuff. Got a chap coming round next weekend to take a look. Very relieved!
Love you xxx
Picking up a pile of notes from the side of my computer, I spread them out on the glass top of my desk and grabbed a pencil from the outsized ‘Visit Chicago’ mug my brother had brought me back from a medical conference.
‘Is it for holding a beverage or for swimming in?’ I’d asked.
‘I believe they’re marketed as multi-purpose.’
So, it now sat as a handy holder for all my pens, pencils, and other implements I might need close to hand whilst working, which was preferable to spraining a wrist whilst trying to use it for its primary purpose.
Pushing my chair away from the desk, I went over to where I’d set up my camera and the ring light I used for my YouTube channel videos. I checked the battery level on the camera. Fully charged. During my early days of doing them, I’d once forgotten to charge it and discovered that it had switched off halfway through a make-up tutorial, resulting in me having to redo the entire thing from scratch.
Sitting in front of a camera, recording videos that would then be sent out into the great unknown, hadn’t come especially easy to me. Although I loved what I did, and loved sharing it with people, I had initially been entirely satisfied doing all of that via the blog. Taking photos of myself with certain make-up looks or wearing an outfit I’d put together had just grown organically. I’d always been looking to improve the blog, even when it had been just a hobby, so I’d worked on relaxing in front of a camera. After reading somewhere that the key was just getting comfortable with it all, and the secret to it was just practice, that was what I’d done. I’d practised, just snapping and deleting for ages until it had finally stopped feeling quite so awkward.
The video side of the blog was something I’d really had to consider. I hadn’t been worried about the haters or the oddballs, or anything like that. It just hadn’t seemed to me at the time that it was a direction I’d needed to go in. It had been clear that it was a popular avenue for many, with some blogs getting an incredible number of hits and their owners becoming recognised as ‘celebrities’. I was happy for those bloggers. This was their main thing, and what they wanted to do with their life, so publicising it as much as possible and building a brand made sense. But when I’d first started the blog, it hadn’t been my main thing. I’d been a PA, and I’d liked my job. The blog had just been something I’d enjoyed doing in my spare time, my hobby. I loved it when I got comments – and always made a point of replying to them. I knew that for however many views a blog got, hardly any of those translated into a comment. It was hard when there were so many things vying for attention – I was guilty of it myself in many cases – so I really appreciated that those people had taken time to leave a comment on the blog.
Gradually, I’d started getting more and more requests to do videos to show in real time how I’d created certain looks, to help readers recreate them at home. I’d talked it over with Amy, who had been all for it. Amy loved clothes and make-up as much as I did. We had pretty different looks – I tended to fall more into the Boho camp whilst she was definitely more Classic – but our differences in taste only strengthened our friendship and she’d been behind me from the start when I’d done my first video. I’d recorded it and then spent hours editing, learning the software, mostly through trial and error – a lot of error – as I’d gone along. Once finished, I’d shown it to Amy for her feedback. I knew she loved me enough not to tell me it was great if it wasn’t, and risk me looking an idiot online. The next day, Amy had called round to my flat wearing the same make-up look as I’d done in my video. Exactly the same.
‘I followed it, step by step,’ she’d said. ‘I love it! You were brilliant! You absolutely have to post this, and do more.’
Her positivity and support had been the boost I’d needed. I’d pressed the button to upload my first ever video, all the while feeling just a teensy bit sick. The response was amazing! My blog hits went up, the link had been shared and I’d started getting a bunch of ‘thumbs up’ on the YouTube channel.
By the time I’d done my second one, I’d relaxed a bit more in front of the camera and the views had gone up again. I couldn’t help but get excited by the enthusiasm filtering through to me via the blog. I’d had an email from one of my viewers, saying that she had used my tutorial for her prom and it had sent her confidence soaring – in her own words, she had felt like the ‘belle of the ball’. I’d actually cried when I’d read that.
Perhaps to some it was a frivolous pastime – a grown woman playing with clothes and make-up and sharing lifestyle tips. Who was I that people should listen to me? And I got that. I really did. I could understand how all of this might come across as a vanity project to those who didn’t understand what it meant to me to share these things. Or what it meant to those women out there to gain that extra bit of confidence by discovering something new. Whenever I got a negative comment, or a dismissive sound was made in my hearing by someone who found out what I now did for a living, I searched in my mind for that happy email, and others like it, mentally reading it over. If I helped just one person feel better about themselves, then that was all I needed.
Flipping on the studio ring light and checking the camera’s settings, I took a seat opposite them. I pressed a button on the remote control and saw a red light on the camera begin to blink.
