‘I know. But in my head, it got all twisted out of shape. I built up this need. This… I don’t know… it was something I felt I had to do. I had to put myself out of easy reach. I couldn’t rely on them and they wouldn’t be able to just pop in and see if I needed anything or check on me.’
‘Did it ever occur to you that they would have wanted to do that, whether you’d been injured or not? You’d been away for months already and weren’t at home much, even when not deployed. Perhaps they just actually wanted to spend time with you. Because you’re you. Not for any other reason.’
‘Don’t put it like that.’
‘Like what?’
‘All sensible and reasonable.’
I grinned and laid my head against his bicep for a moment. ‘You’re not going to like what I’m about to say then.’
‘Let me have it.’
‘You’re kind of annoying.’
‘Pardon?’
‘You. You’re kind of annoying.’
He smiled. ‘I see. Any specifics?’
‘I’m getting to that. You’re determined not to be defined by your injury. That, although you realise it’s a part of you, it’s not who you are.’
‘And that’s a bad thing?’ His voice was calm.
‘God no! Let me finish. It’s just that you do all that. Complete all these challenges, make people aware of things and provide education through the charity, making sure as much as possible that people see the person first and the disability second – if at all. But in all your determination to ensure you weren’t defined by your injury, by doing what you did, removing yourself from your family and friends, the place you knew, you did that to yourself. Every time you looked around, I can’t help thinking there must have been something in your head that said, I’m here because of what happened.’
‘See. There you go again.’
‘What?’
‘Being all wise and, annoyingly, probably correct.’
I squeezed his arm and he returned the gesture, pulling my arm against his body. We walked in companionable silence as we approached the house. Opening the gate and keeping Scooby to heel, Seb waited as Humphrey and I went through.
‘You could always move, you know,’ I said, as we approached the front door.
‘I could.’
‘Everyone in the charity works pretty much remotely and I could always book a room for a meeting somewhere if it was required in the future.’
‘That’s true.’
‘You’d be nearer to your brother and be able to see the kids more too.’ I didn’t mention his dad.
‘I would. Of course, this plan of yours does have an element of backfire on your part,’ he said, stepping into the cosiness of my parents’ house behind me.
‘It does?’ I asked, frowning.
‘It’d also mean I was closer to you.’
‘Oh!’ I said, unzipping my coat, aware that it had suddenly got quite warm in here.
‘There you are!’ Mum said, bustling towards us. ‘Did you have a nice walk? Is it warm out there? You look a little flushed, love,’ she said, placing a soothingly cool hand on my cheek.
‘Mmmhmm,’ I replied, pretty certain that the flush on my cheeks had only a passing connection with the weather outside and a lot more to do with the man standing beside me.
* * *
