I didn’t care for the thread of sarcasm running through his words, or the tone in which he spoke them.
‘What? I was supposed to stay mute the whole time? Is that what you would have preferred?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘Well, then what? Clearly you have something to say, so it’s probably best if you just said it rather than chasing round the houses.’
‘Did you tell my dad that I feel guilty about contributing to my mum’s heart problems?’
I stared at him for a moment. The warmth of earlier had been replaced by a steel barrier protecting himself against the world. And me.
‘No,’ I answered simply, but I could see from the closed look on his face he didn’t believe me.
‘Really.’ He folded his arms across the broad chest. It wasn’t a question.
‘Yes. Really,’ I snapped back, annoyed now.
‘So, it’s just pure coincidence that in all these years my father has never questioned me about the fact I might be carrying guilt around until five minutes after he’s spent time with you?’
‘We did have a conversation about guilt, but it was his about certain things—’
‘What things?’
‘That’s not for me to say.’
‘Oh, right,’ he gave a humourless laugh. ‘So, you’ll keep confidences for someone you’ve just met, but not for someone you’re supposed to have spent the last few years building a trust with.’
‘That’s unfair!’
‘Is it?’
‘Yes!’ I yelled back. ‘I haven’t said anything I’m not supposed to.’
He remained silent.
‘Like I said, we were talking about guilt and I did say that it was a shame you were both carrying all this guilt around.’
He gave a shake of his head and I rushed on.
‘But that’s all I said. Your dad asked what I meant, but I didn’t tell him and he understood. I didn’t say anything more than that, and even that was kind of an accident. I just thought it was all quite sad and it sort of spilled out.’
‘Right. Then, if you have a habit of things just spilling out, it would seem I need to be careful about what I actually tell you in future.’
His words stung and when I looked up, the coldness in his face made my heart contract.
‘I’ve never betrayed your confidence to anyone, Seb, and I didn’t today. I’ve told you everything I said and I’m sorry if that was too much, but I’m not like you. I can’t keep everything inside and keep people at a distance, even when it’s eating away at you the whole time and just opening up might actually make you feel a whole lot better! But that’s your choice, and you’re entitled to it. You know what I’m like and you asked me here. So, don’t you dare stand there now and look at me like that when I’ve done nothing wrong.’
‘You told him I was carrying guilt around!’
‘Everyone carries guilt around, for god’s sake! Plus you served in a war zone. It’s not exactly unusual!’
‘Oh, so he’s just put two and two together and come up with four with regards to my mother all by himself then, has he?’
I stopped for a moment. Yes. He had. I knew I hadn’t said anything about Seb’s guilt being about his mother. Unfortunately, Seb took my hesitation as something other than what it was.
‘Right. That’s what I thought.’
He turned back to the door, putting the key into the lock. I shoved myself in front of him. Being petite came in handy at times, although I hadn’t really thought the manoeuvre through, and we were way closer than I’d planned.
