I gave him a look similar to the one he’d given me earlier.
‘I am!’ he laughed. ‘I just don’t want you sitting in your house for a year in your pyjamas, picking Wotsits out of your hair after three months.’
The mouthful of tea I’d just taken nearly came out of my nose as I flapped and struggled to force it back down the right tube. ‘Oh my god! Is that how you think of me?’
‘Not always.’
‘But sometimes?’ I wailed, my voice pitching higher. ‘Oh god.’
At least I didn’t have to worry about ever being in the quandary of Seb having asked me out and not knowing what to do. In his eyes, I was the epitome of the word spinster, complete with added stale Wotsits tangled in my unkempt tresses. Excellent.
‘Only since you announced this plan.’
‘Like I said. I’m not planning to be a hermit. I’m just going to take time for me. Get me some of that self-care everyone is always banging on about. I’ve ordered a bunch of books on it.’
‘Oh. OK. Well, that sounds a lot better.’
‘Than me in stinky pyjamas with three month old cheesy snacks in my hair? I hope so!’
He let out that laugh again. ‘I never said anything about stinky.’
‘You didn’t have to. It was there by inference.’
Seb’s grin was wide and my own followed. ‘I’m all for the idea though, but I’m not sure you need a tonne of books on the subject. A lot of it is just common sense and listening to your body. Plus, as you know, it’s part of our programme, so if you want any advice or to talk about it, I’m more than happy to help.’
‘No, of course. I did think about that, to be honest, but I know your schedule,’ I said, waving a piece of paper in front of the screen, ‘and all the things already on your plate. The last thing you need to do is add another task.’
‘You wouldn’t be a task. That’s not how I’d see it. You’ve done so much for me and the charity, it’d be the least I could do.’
‘You pay me to do those things.’
‘Not everything. We both know you go above and beyond on the work you do for me and the veterans.’
‘I enjoy the work and it’s worth doing.’
‘And so are you.’
A moment of silence descended slowly and awkwardly.
‘That came out so entirely wrong,’ Seb said eventually, one large hand now covering his eyes.
I was trying to keep a straight face, but it was a battle I was quickly losing. Even through the screen, I could feel the mortification radiating off him in waves, and there was a spot of high colour on each cheek. In all of the time I’d known him, I’d never seen Seb flummoxed or stuck for words.
‘I can’t believe I just said that,’ he said, his eyes still covered, elbow resting on the pale wood of his desk.
‘Don’t worry about it, honestly.’ I suddenly wished, not for the first time, I was in the same room as him so that I could gently remove that hand and smile into those eyes that always made me think of melting milk chocolate and reassure him. ‘I know you didn’t mean it how it sounded and, frankly, even that’s pretty polite compared to some of the stuff I’ve heard over the past year.’
He peeked out between two fingers. ‘Then it’s definitely a good job you refrained from telling me about those.’
I gave a nod of agreement.
‘Am I forgiven?’ he asked.
‘For saying I’m doable?’ I grinned.
He gave me a look that was part embarrassment at himself, part exasperation at me, and altogether way too attractive for ten o’clock in the morning on my first day back at work in a new year. ‘Accidentally.’
‘Yes. You are.’
