‘Of course not! Good God, Jesse! Don’t you know me at all? I would never have taken that job no matter how much he offered. Even if I’d been down to my last penny, I wouldn’t have taken it!’ I took a step closer to him. ‘Do you have any idea what that means?’
‘Fliss, I didn’t mean?—’
‘I told you what happened when I was at school and ever since that day, I swore I would never, ever let that happen again. That I would never let a man, or anyone, have control over me again. Why do you think I’ve been taking all the jobs? Every single trip and project Caro offers, knocking myself out, forcing myself to be apart from you? It’s because I amterrifiedof being in that position again.’
‘I would never let that happen.’ He reached for me but I stepped back. He swallowed before continuing. ‘I’m sorry I butted in. You’re right. Of course you’re right. I should have kept my mouth shut. I just… When I see him, I see red. I can’t help it.’
‘I understand that. And that I could have forgiven. What I can’t forgive is that you didn’t trustme. You didn’t trust me to not take the money.’
His arms were crossed once more as he shifted his weight. ‘You looked like you were considering it! What was I supposed to think?’ Jesse’s voice sounded loud against the peaceful surroundings.
‘You were supposed to think…’ I bit back a sob. ‘You were supposed to think, “I love this woman and I trust her.”That’swhat you were supposed to think!’ The words tore themselves out of my chest.
‘Fliss…’
‘Yes, Jesse, I looked at the offer. People hand you something, you look at it. It’s automatic. Plus I haven’t slept for…’ I checked my watch, ‘over seventeen hours, so excuse me if I wasn’t as alert and on point as I usually am. And yes, to answer your question, it was a big number. It was a friggin’ enormous number, if you must know. But it didn’t matter what was written there. It could have been two, three, four times that and Istillwouldn’t have taken it. Do you understand what it means for me to say I’d rather be broke than take money from a person who hurt you so badly?’
Jesse looked down at me. The stormy grey eyes were washed with tears and it was only when he gently brushed a thumb across my cheek that I realised my own tears were already streaming down my face.
‘I do.’
‘Good. Then you know how much you just hurt me and why you now need to leave.’
‘What? Fliss, don’t.’
‘No, Jesse.’ I stepped back. ‘That’s it. We’re done. My father lost my trust entirely the moment he picked his trophy wife over his own daughter, and it’s taken a bloody long time for me to even think about trusting anyone other than Nanny again, let alone a man. But I trusted you. I trusted you with everything I had. But trust has to work both ways, Jesse.’
‘Fliss, I do trust you!’
‘Then you have a funny way of showing it. Now, I think it’s best if you leave. I’ll collect my things tomorrow.’
With that, I turned and walked back to the house, unlocked the door and went in. My legs felt weak and it was all I could do to close the door and lean against it, sliding slowly down, feeling a sort of shock settle around me. It was only when I finally heard the pick-up start and drive away that I gave in to the pain that was tearing at my insides and sobbed, my arms wrapped around my middle, until I fell asleep, exhausted, without having moved away from the door.
22
The next morning, I woke up stiff, sore and cold. Pushing myself up, I made my way upstairs to the en-suite bathroom, where the full extent of my crying showed in the blotchy face and dark circles under my eyes, enhanced by smeared make-up that I hadn’t got around to removing.
I washed my face, brushed my teeth and got in the shower. Once that was done and I felt a little more human, I got dressed, reapplied some light make-up to hide the worst of the damage then headed into the village to get some basics. Having not expected to be waking up in my own house, I hadn’t got any supplies in. The last thing I wanted to do right now was see anyone, but I’d put my armour on and I’d have to tackle the situation sooner or later. There was an emptiness inside me that I knew no food would fill. I wasn’t even hungry. But I did need coffee.
* * *
‘Hi! How was New York?’ Jules called as I walked in the door. ‘Are you OK?’ She frowned at me. Obviously, she hadn’t spoken to her brother yet. In a way, that was a relief.
‘Yes, I’m fine, just a bit tired. I missed you though,’ I said, giving her a hug as she came around the counter. It was true. I had missed her, and the village and the man I loved. Had loved… No. Still loved. And would for a long time to come.
‘I missed you too! Please say you’re home to stay for a while. Jesse’s been missing you madly!’ She looked past me. ‘Is he with you?’
‘Oh, err, no. I did see him last night though.’ It wasn’t a lie.
‘Good. Hopefully, he’ll stop being such a grump now. Honestly, I can’t tell you how happy I am that you two got together. I really never thought I’d see him smile again. You know, from here.’ She laid a hand on her heart. ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’
I squelched the tears back down. ‘Yes. Sorry. Jet lag and overwhelm, I think.’ Again, not a lie.
‘You sit down. Have you eaten?’
‘I’m not hungry but a coffee would be great.’
‘I’ll bring you a coffee and a croissant.’
