‘Do you have any siblings?’
‘No, just me. I think there were plans but then Mother died and…’ I paused. ‘The new wife wasn’t interested in having children. Didn’t want to ruin her body, apparently. She spent enough of my father’s money on it, that was for sure. Anyway, I was at school one day and got called into the headmistress’ office. The school had been trying to get hold of my father for some time without success. Apparently, none of the fees had been paid and they were, as politely as they could, telling me unless the bill was settled imminently, I would have to leave. I don’t know what sort of school you went to, but secrets rarely stay secret in private school and by the end of the morning, the word was out and my so-called friends had already dropped me in case my apparent penury was catching.’
Jesse shifted in his seat, his body turning to face me a little more. ‘That’s harsh.’
‘Had the shoe been on another foot, I’m ashamed to say I probably would have done the same.’
‘Kids can be cruel, that’s for sure.’
I appreciated his diplomacy but, while that was true, it didn’t excuse what my behaviour might have been.
‘I skipped the rest of the day and went home. I could hear my stepmother wailing the moment I got in the door and my father pleading with her. It took them several minutes to even notice I was there. Not that that was particularly unusual.’ I shifted my gaze briefly from the fire to Jesse, pulled a face and returned my concentration to the flames. Beside me, Jesse’s hand moved, his little finger now resting against mine, the briefest of touches but it was enough. I swallowed and carried on.
‘Eventually, my father noticed me and asked me what I was doing home. I told him what the headmistress had said. Even then, I was hoping it was all a misunderstanding, a mistake by the bank. The fact that Estelle was having hysterics was neither here nor there. She always did that when she wanted her way. But I could tell by his face this time, it was different. There was no mistake.’
‘Did he say anything?’
‘He said sorry. That was it. Just one word. Although, to be fair, he didn’t get much of a chance to say a lot else as Estelle kicked off again about how I wasn’t the one that he should be apologising to, that it would barely affect me and that it washerlife that was ruined, and how was she ever supposed to face any of her friends again, blah blah blah.’
‘She sounds a delight.’
‘Oh yes, a real treasure.’
‘So, the money was all gone?’
‘Yes. Despite the drama, Estelle was a large part of the reason. My father had always had a tendency to live beyond his means, despite those means being substantial, but, from what I understood from Nanny, Mother had always been the sensible one. Reined things in when they were in danger of spiralling, but with her gone, Father spent more freely and then once Estelle came on the scene, it was a constant merry-go-round of parties, the races, shopping, travel and more shopping.’
‘What did, or does, your father do?’
‘He inherited his wealth but was wise with investments, again thanks to my mother. Those made him a lot more but after Mother…’ I swallowed. ‘He took his eye off the ball, ignored advice from the right people and listened to the wrong ones. Eventually, the entire piggy bank was empty.’
‘So what happened? Where did you live?’
A log shifted suddenly in the heat of the wood burner and brought me back to the moment.
‘Gosh. Listen to me waffling on. I’m sure you don’t want to hear all this. I’d better be heading up to bed.’
Jesse’s hand moved to cover mine. ‘I do want to hear it. If you want to tell me.’
My eyes focused on his hand. Large with strong but slim fingers, the thin, silvery trace of a scar stretching from his index finger almost to his wrist. I had a sudden desire to run my finger along that scar. Instead, I tucked my hands under my thighs.
‘I never do this.’
‘Do what?’
‘Tell people about… everything.’
‘Then I’m glad I’m the one you chose to tell.’
‘I’m not great with trust.’
‘I’m beginning to see why.’
I raised my gaze and met his grey, unwavering one, but it was soft, understanding and, despite the drama of earlier, I realised that for the first time in a long time, for the first time I could remember if I was honest, I felt safe. That here with this man I barely knew, I felt more secure than I had with those I’d been the closest to. That alone probably said more about my previous relationships of all types than anything.
‘An aunt took me in until I finished school.’
‘You went back to school?’
