‘Known her since school. Annoyed the hell out of me back then, little pipsqueak.’ Even from the side angle I had of him, it was easy to see the love in his eyes when he spoke about Alice. The tone of his voice confirmed it. Had I ever had that look on my face when I spoke about Adrian? Had he about me? The latter was pretty easy to answer and, if I dived deep enough, I had a feeling that the first might be just as easy to answer too.
‘That obviously changed.’
‘Yep.’ He turned his head as he pulled back into the drive of the house I was due to style and the smile on his face was beautiful. I’d never been accused of being over-emotional – although the country air was certainly having some strange effects on me. But something in that smile pierced my heart. I couldn’t name it. Whether it was sadness that Jesse had lost someone he loved so very much, or the knowledge I’d never come close to experiencing a love like that, I couldn’t say. I squashed down the threat of tears and planned to resume the conversation, but Jesse’s single-word answer appeared to have been the last one. He set the handbrake and turned off the engine and the only noise once more was the sound of birds tweeting and the calming waves.
‘You OK?’ he asked.
‘Absolutely,’ I replied, then pulled the handle of the door, slid out of the pick-up and headed back into the house to take another look.
13
By the time we got back to Jesse’s house, it felt like the end of a long but great day. I thought back over our earlier conversations as we walked to the front door together in a companionable silence.
‘Was it all right to talk about your wife? I never meant to say anything that might upset you.’
Jesse turned from where he’d been about to place the key in the lock and looked down, his gaze hooking onto mine.
‘It was perfectly all right, Fliss. In fact, it was lovely. Sometimes, people don’t want to mention those who’ve gone in case it’s upsetting, even with me, five years on.’ He gave the tiniest shake of his head. ‘The truth is, it’s the not mentioning them that’s more upsetting. They’ve gone from our lives but they’re never gone from our hearts and in the end, you can be treading on eggshells for others when all you want to do is just tell them to say her name. Talk about her, for God’s sake! So yes, it was more than all right.’ His eyes lingered on me a fraction longer before he plugged the key in the lock and twisted.
A bowling ball in the shape of Ned came hurtling down the hallway towards us.
‘Ned! Calm,’ Jesse said as he stepped across, placing himself between me and the dog.
Ned made a valiant effort at stopping, paws and claws sliding on the polished wood floor before he slid almost perfectly into place on his fuzzy bum to a halt in front of his owner, who greeted him. I moved past and gave Ned a pat on his side too.
‘I don’t need protecting,’ I said, looking up at Jesse as we both straightened away from the dog. There was an edge to my voice that I hadn’t intended.
‘I know,’ Jesse replied, his tone easy. ‘But calming down his greeting ritual is currently a work in progress. I’ve been bowled down like a skittle before now and I’ve got a lot more weight to me than you. Ned might think he’s a lap dog but the scales at the vet’s beg to differ. I just didn’t want him scoring a strike.’
‘Oh. Right. I see.’ I crossed my arms then uncrossed them then shoved my hands in the back pockets of my Prada jeans. ‘Umm. Thank you, then.’
‘No problem,’ he replied.
‘Are you smirking?’
‘Nope.’
I planted myself in front of him and Ned rested against the side of my thigh. ‘Yes, you are. What are you smirking about?’
Jesse mirrored my stance. ‘You.’
‘Why?’ I felt the tension weave itself back into my muscles, back to how it had felt in London. But that had been normal in my busy, always on life. But here, gradually, I realised those knots had unfurled without me even noticing. But now they were snapping right back in place.
‘I’ve never doubted your ability to take care of yourself. That much was obvious from the moment I met you.’
‘Says the man who later found me flat on my back in a pool of mud.’
‘We all have our moments. That’s not the point.’
‘What is the point?’
‘That just because youcando something doesn’t mean you always have to.’
I thought about that for a moment but before I could dissect it too much, Jesse spoke again.
‘I’m a little old-fashioned, I guess, but don’t get me wrong, I know for a fact that women are more than capable of taking care of themselves. Believe me, if I’d ever had any doubts about that, Alice and my sister, not to mention my mum, would have soon disavowed me of them. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to open a door for a woman.’ He shot me a look. ‘When she doesn’t beat me to it. Not because I don’t think she can do it herself. That’s ridiculous. Of course you can. It’s not about that. It’s not a form of disrespect. In my eyes, it’s the opposite. And blocking any potential collision between you and Ned in his excitement to see us is part of that. I’m sorry if it offended you but I’ll tell you now, until he’s got the hang of it a little more, I’ll be doing the same next time too.’
‘Right,’ I said after a few moments of silence. It didn’t appear that Jesse had been waiting for an answer. Once he’d finished talking, he’d slipped off his jacket and pulled off the peaked cap he’d worn and put them both in a downstairs cupboard before reaching out to take my coat.
